


I Could've Been Your Girl

by siophiefandom



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Drama, F/F, Romance, paily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 13:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 82,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10945527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siophiefandom/pseuds/siophiefandom
Summary: Paige has no idea how Emily feels about her. Emily has no idea how to show her. If ignorance is bliss, then why are these two so miserable? Paily. Rated T for some grown-up language and situationsOriginally published on fanfiction dot net, February 1 - March 6, 2017





	1. Clueless

Paige sat hunched forward slightly in her seat at the end of the table, shoveling forkfuls of food into her mouth one after the other. She was rushing, she knew. And she knew that eating so fast was bad for her.

It was her own fault. She had let her phone die, and, as a result, she didn't have anything to occupy her while she sat there and ate all by herself. There was nothing to make her feel less conspicuous - the sad girl sitting all alone in the middle of a crowded cafeteria. So, she was manically force-feeding herself, eager to get through the ordeal as quickly as possible.

"Hey," she heard in a calm, confident, friendly voice. She let her head pan upwards slowly, from the loose-fitting navy sweats that were almost touching the other side of the table where she was sitting, past the hands holding onto one of the bland, bisque-colored cafeteria trays, up to the collar of the girl's Drexel Swimming jersey. That's where Paige's eyes stopped, momentarily distracted by the display of the girl's collarbone, visible because of the way the jersey had shifted just off of her shoulder. The girl, feeling Paige's eyes, gave a nervous chuckle, taking a hand off of her tray to secure the strap back in its place. Paige guiltily snapped her focus up to the woman's face; her eyes distracted this time by the lips there, curled into a welcoming smile. "I'm Emily." Emily's arm spasmed, as if she were about to extend it to Paige for a handshake but thought better of it at the last second.

Paige didn't need to be told what her visitor's name was. She had seen Emily at practice and in the locker room a few times, but they had never actually spoken to each other. Paige was, frankly, astonished that Emily was speaking to her there in the cafeteria.

"Oh. Yeah. Em…" Paige got lost in Emily's big brown eyes for a moment. "ily," she blurted out quickly, not certain that she should admit that she already knew Emily's name. They had never been introduced, and she didn't want to seem like a stalker.

"You can call me 'Em,' " Emily offered pleasantly, thinking that uncertainty about the appropriateness of the nickname was the reason that her name had come out of Paige's mouth all disconnected and awkward. "That's what my friends called me back home. I kind of miss it," she concluded with a shrug.

Paige nodded her head, the way that a schoolgirl would upon learning a new fact that she was trying to seal in her memory.

"… and you're… Paige, right?" Emily coaxed.

Paige realized that she had been too caught up in the fact that Emily Fields was speaking to her to have replied to her introduction. She chuckled nervously, still unable to find any words.

"Is it okay for me to sit?" Emily asked, suddenly worried, from the way that Paige was reacting, that she was intruding.

"Oh, yeah!" Paige came back to herself. "Yeah, sit! Sit!" Paige realized that she had stood up while she urged Emily to sit down. She chuckled nervously and sat again. "Yeah, I'm Paige," she said, patting her chest as if to indicate whom she was talking about. "I've seen you at practice," she admitted, dipping her head for a moment.

It was Emily's turn to chuckle nervously, arranging the food on her tray as she settled in. Paige's head worked its way down again, away from the danger zone of Emily's angelic face; opting to look at the few crumbs of croutons left over from her salad instead. She mashed them up with her fork, just to have something to do. There were a few moments of awkward silence before Paige, feeling eyes on her, looked up, confused.

"Oh, sorry," Emily said, hitting Paige with that warm smile again. "I was just looking at your hair." Emily reached across the table, combing her fingers through the auburn waves. "It looks so soft. My hair's always such a wreck after a couple of hours in that chlorine bath," Emily complained, pulling out a strand of her dark, flawless hair, to illustrate her point, but it only served to show how false the statement had been. She laughed lightly, so Paige did, too. Paige wanted to tell Emily that she was crazy – that her hair was perfect – but she couldn't get her tongue to form the words. Actually, she really wanted to return Emily's gesture; to reach out and feel the softness of Emily's hair for herself, but there was no way she could conjure up that kind of courage.

Emily laughed again and shook her head, turning her attention to her food. She tore a dinner roll into two pieces, holding one between her thumb and forefinger, with her other fingers floating delicately in the air as she pushed the bread against the salad on her on her fork before parting her lips and lifting the fork up to them. Paige cursed herself for the thoughts that were going through her head as she observed the coordinated movement of Emily's fingers and lips. She swung her head from one side to the other, trying to find something less pervy to focus her eyes upon.

Emily set down her fork and the remains of the roll, slumping her shoulders slightly. She could tell that she was making Paige uncomfortable. "You don't have to stay," she told Paige softly and earnestly. She didn't sound upset. "I know what it feels like, when you're almost finished eating, and someone comes and sits down next to you." Emily smiled weakly. "And then there's that whole awkward, forced socializing."

Emily's smile was like a cozy fireplace. Paige, in fact, could actually feel her cheeks warming.

She hesitated for a moment, not knowing what to do. In the end, not wanting to go but not knowing how to stay, she picked up her tray and, with a sad smile, but without a word, walked over to drop it off at the conveyor belt. She waved at Emily as she walked by her again, on her way to the exit.

 _Idiot!_ she thought as she pushed through the heavy wooden door. _I should've said, 'Actually, I was about to hit the salad bar again – can I get you anything?'_

Paige hadn't meant to be rude. And she definitely would have enjoyed spending some time with Emily Fields. It was just the curse of being Paige McCullers: She wasn't good with new people. She could never come up with the right thing to say or do until it was too late.

Paige zipped up her hoodie and pulled her hair up, tucking it into the hood. Emily was crazy. There was no comparison between that limp, lifeless mess and Emily's gorgeous mane.

Still on a high from the encounter, however brief, with her beautiful, friendly teammate, Paige made it back to her apartment. She tried to convince herself that Emily hadn't meant anything by coming over to sit with her – or by staring at and playing with her hair. There was nothing unusual about that, was there? From the few times she'd seen Emily, she knew her to be an outgoing, friendly, hands-on kind of person. It was foolish to read too much into things like that.

Her head knew that there were no motives behind it, but she was having a hard time convincing her heart.

Back in the cafeteria, Emily sighed quietly as she reached into her backpack for a book to keep her company for lunch. _Well, I gave it a shot._ Paige wasn't interested. Maybe she wasn't interested in girls in general, or maybe Emily just wasn't her type. Maybe she had come on too strong with the hair thing, but she didn't regret it. She had learned that you don't get anywhere without taking some risks. She only hoped that she could rebound, somehow, from that first impression and get to know Paige as a friend, if Paige wasn't interested in anything more.

* * *

"Hey, Emily."

Paige was already in her warm-up suit when she sat down on the bench next to Emily. Emily smiled at her, but didn't say anything.

"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday," Paige said, trying her best to look Emily in the eyes. That in itself was a hard enough task, but Paige had to contend with the extra distraction of Emily applying moisturizer to her bare, toned arms. "I just…" Emily shot Paige such a sweet smile that Paige lost her train of thought. "I just had to get to a… you know," she eked out with a shrug of her shoulders, her voice trembling slightly. She cursed herself for not having come up with a cover story, but, to be honest, she didn't think that she'd actually be able to summon up the courage to go over and talk to Emily in the first place.

Emily nodded, still smiling. "I understand," she said pleasantly as she extended her arm and rubbed more moisturizer in. Paige, still feeling guilty, tried to return Emily's smile, but it wasn't working. She dipped her head. Emily leaned in a bit and risked laying her hand on Paige's wrist. "Paige, it's fine. I wasn't offended." Paige nodded, and Emily, emboldened by the fact that Paige hadn't recoiled at her touch, squeezed her wrist gently, in a friendly gesture. "Oh, oops!" Emily used the corner of her towel to wipe some moisturizer off of Paige's arm. "I didn't mean to slime you!"

"That's okay! I needed some moisturizing!" Paige's eyes darted over to check Emily's response quickly, and then darted back down to her lap. Her heart was beating wildly. She couldn't believe that she had actually come up with an appropriate and even mildly amusing response to what Emily had said. She was half-terrified that Emily would take her seriously and start applying moisturizer to her arms.

Instead, focusing on a tiny blemish on Paige's forehead, Emily asked, "How'd you get that scar?"

"Oh, yeah." Paige touched her forehead on the right side, and then on the left, feeling for the scar. "I... I was being stupid. I thought I was a ballerina..." Paige smiled nervously as she looked just over Emily's shoulder, not into her eyes. "I was three, by the way. So, anyway, I was trying out some moves in front of the mirror in the bathroom, and I slipped and banged my head on the tub." Emily winced at the thought of it. "My Mom heard me screaming and freaked out, you know, 'I'm such a horrible mom... I should've been watching you more closely...' " Paige chuckled at the memory and then shrugged nonchalantly. "I don't even notice it when I see myself in the mirror anymore, to be honest. I even forget what side it's on."

Emily reached out her right index finger and traced the scar on the left side of Paige's forehead. Paige would never again forget what side the scar was on, the touch of Emily's finger leaving an impression more indelible than any scarred-over skin.

"Yeah," Emily confirmed, "it's not really noticeable, unless you're..."

 _Oops_.

Emily couldn't believe that she had almost admitted to staring at Paige. And she couldn't believe that history was repeating itself so soon. Once again, Emily had made her improper staring even worse by following it with fingers all up in Paige's face. She quickly retracted her hand and cleared her throat, turning her eyes away from Paige's scar.

Paige shook her head to clear her thoughts, and then summoned the courage to look Emily in the eyes again, determined to get to the reason that she had joined Emily on the bench to begin with. "We should… um…" She cleared her throat. "We should get lunch sometime, though."

"Okay," Emily said, smiling in a way that she hoped would be non-threatening. She didn't dare say, "I'd like that." No use scaring Paige off again. Paige was being friendly, like a human being, but it was obvious that she was still uncomfortable about Emily's flirty behavior from the day before - undoubtedly made worse by her flirty behavior from just a moment before.

"Okay," Paige confirmed, letting her shoulders relax. The silence that followed was painful. "Okay, so, I'll see you... sometime."

Emily nodded, feeling guilty that her eyes followed Paige all the way out of the locker room. _Why did Paige McCullers have to be so damned cute?_


	2. It's Just Lunch

"Hey, is that her?" Hanna tilted her chin in the direction of Emily's left shoulder. "Paige McCullers?"

Before she could catch herself, Emily's head whipped around to see where Hanna was looking. Her head jerked so fast that Paige picked up on the motion in her peripheral vision and looked over on reflex. Emily, mortified, whipped her head back just as quickly as it had whipped over. Then, realizing how guilty it made her look, she turned around in a more controlled fashion, wiggling her fingers in a shy wave. Paige smiled self-consciously and waved back.

"Hanna!" Emily whispered, smacking her on the shoulder. "Why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Hanna sniped with a scowl. She knew that she hadn't done anything wrong.

"You made me embarrass myself in front of Paige!"

Hanna scoffed. "Oh, God, Em! Just admit that you have a crush on her." Hanna hung the Drexel sweater that she had been looking at back onto the rack, and, thumbing through some others, not looking at Emily, she continued, in a dry, matter-of-fact tone, "Admit it to me, admit it to yourself, and admit it to Paige McCullers."

"Okay, first of all, Hanna, I _don't_!" Emily's denial was a bit too emphatic. "And, even if I _did_ , I _couldn't_ , because Paige _wouldn't_ , so you'd better not..."

"She's still looking at you," Hanna interrupted with a smirk.

"What?"

"She's staring at you," Hanna said firmly. "She hasn't taken her eyes off of you."

"Hanna..." Emily's tone was dismissive, but she subtly switched her position with Hanna's so that she could see for herself what Hanna claimed to be seeing. While they were doing their little _pas de deux_ , Paige managed to shift her gaze away from Emily, but not quickly enough to keep Emily from confirming that she had, in fact, been looking, as Hanna had said. But Emily still wasn't willing to concede. Instead, she rolled her eyes. "She was probably just trying to figure out what our situation is," she said, pointing between herself and Hanna.

There was history behind Emily's words. It wouldn't have been the first time that people had wondered about her and Hanna. Emily tended to be very touchy-feely with her friends, and especially so with Hanna. It didn't bother them that people got the wrong impression, but they were both well aware of the "are they or aren't they?" vibe that they often stirred up.

Still, Emily found herself smiling at the thought that Paige McCullers might actually have been staring at her. She subconsciously adjusted her shirt and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to ensure that she looked okay from the back, in case it happened again. Hanna rolled her eyes. "Oh brother!"

" 'Oh brother' what?"

Hanna shook her head. "Nothing. Nothing. Here - just help me try this on."

* * *

"That's... uh... that's a nice color," Paige said, her eyes aimed at the hunter green top that Emily was wearing over a pair of dark leggings.

It wasn't a casual comment, although Paige hoped that it sounded like one. Paige had been rehearsing it ever since the beginning of practice. When she was walking out to the pool, she thought that she'd heard Emily say something to her, but, since she wasn't sure, she didn't turn around and acknowledge her. She spent most of the rest of practice worried that she had offended Emily - or that Emily thought that she was playing games with her, trying to seem aloof. So, she needed to come up with something that she could say to Emily; like something that a person would say to another person. She had noticed Emily's long-sleeved, green top, cinched around her waist with a wide black belt, before Emily changed for the pool. It looked nice on her, but how could she tell Emily that without being too forward or seeming inappropriately flirty?

She finally settled on words that seemed casual enough. The color was nice; not the way that the sweater curved where Emily did, not how soft and huggable it made her look; not the way that it begged to be touched.

(Paige had visualized herself touching the sleeve when she delivered the compliment. Had their roles been reversed, Emily certainly would have had no qualms about touching Paige's sleeve. But Paige was just fooling herself. She knew that she didn't have the guts.)

"Thank you," Emily said, with the sweetest smile, still running a brush through her hair.

Paige nodded once. Mission accomplished; compliment delivered. She turned to walk away, but stopped herself. "We should, um... have lunch sometime."

"So you've said!" Emily's smile was still inviting, as she reminded Paige that they had had that discussion before.

"Does tomorrow work?"

Emily didn't bother to think it over. "Tomorrow would be perfect."

* * *

"Hanna!" Emily whined, exasperated. "Quit playing around! Just tell that me you'll do it!"

"Emily… When did you become such a wimp? Back in high school, you had game!"

"That's because," Emily said, her voice growing more annoyed with each word, "in high school, things were different. If I liked a girl, she liked me, back. I mean, even if I didn't like a girl, she liked me."

"Jeez, Em," Hanna teased, knocking shoulders with her friend. "Cocky much?"

"You know what I mean…"

"I know," Hanna admitted. "So, why is college any different?"

"I don't know, Hanna!" Emily almost shouted. "I wish I did!"

"Em, you're still the same chick-magnet you've always been. That's my point – nothing has changed."

"Yeah – I haven't changed. I'm still the same fish. I'm just in a bigger pond. Paige McCullers can pick and choose any 'fish' she wants. And she's obviously not interested in _this_ fish." Emily pointed at herself with both index fingers.

Hanna shook her head rapidly, not getting Emily's metaphor at all. "Well, you can have any fish you want, too, Emily. Or tadpole or platypus or whatever!"

"Whatever!" Emily had reached her limit. She wasn't frustrated with Hanna. She was frustrated by her attraction to Paige, and by not knowing whether or not she even had a shot with her. "Can you just work with me tomorrow?"

"Ugh, fine." Hanna threw her hands up in surrender. "I'll go along with your little scheme. I'll surprise the two of you on your little lunch date…"

"It's not a date!"

"and," Hanna continued, not acknowledging Emily's denial at all "drop little hints about which team you play for."

"And you'll be subtle? Promise?"

"Emily, please!" Hanna seemed genuinely shocked and offended at the implication. "Have you ever known me to be anything less than subtle?"

That question was so ridiculous that Emily didn't even bother to answer. She just rolled her eyes and corralled Hanna by the neck. "Just do your best. Not for my sake, but for Paige's."

* * *

"So, Paige, you got a girl back home?"

Paige's mouth dropped wide open. She couldn't fathom that this total stranger who had ended up behind her in the long cafeteria line would ask her something that forward.

"Or a boy," Hanna continued, when she got no reply. "No judgment!"

Emily crashed into Hanna, fighting to get her breathing under control. It had been a mad dash from the entrance to the cafeteria to the spot where, after scanning, she saw Paige, literally cornered by Hanna. She didn't need to be able to hear what Hanna was saying to Paige. She could read the expression of extreme discomfort on Paige's face, and she knew Hanna long enough to why the expression was there.

"Hanna!" she shouted by way of greeting.

"Oh, hey, Em!" Hanna gushed, sounding genuinely surprised. "I was just talking to my new friend, Paige! I think you guys swim for the same team!" Hanna's eyes danced at the innuendo. Emily tried to be subtle as she jammed a rebuking elbow into Hanna's ribcage.

"Paige." Emily gave her a nervous smile, nervously fidgeting with the charm on her necklace. "I see you've met my roommate." Emily glared at Hanna, her voice shifting to a growl as she whispered, "You're early!"

"Oh, I… uh…" Paige, overhearing, ran her fingers through her hair. "I didn't know that you two had lunch plans."

Paige picked up her backpack, already charting a course for the exit, but Emily grabbed her arm, and she froze. "No, we don't!" Emily said quickly. Her voice switching from desperate to angry, she repeated, "She's early!"

"Oh, whatever!" Hanna exclaimed, throwing up her hands. "We're all here now, so let's just eat, already! I'm starving!"

Emily's expression softened as she looked back to Paige and mouthed the word, "Please?" Paige shrugged and managed a smile. There would be less pressure on her if Emily's friend was there, anyway, she thought.

She had no idea what she was in for.

Paige sat down across from Emily at the rectangular table that they had chosen. Hanna sat next to Paige.

When a student with black hair, black jeans, and a black shirt walked past, Hanna nudged Paige with her elbow. "Hey, Paige," she half-whispered, "check out the goth chick! She looks just like Carzilla!"

Paige, in the middle of chewing, shielded her mouth with her hand. "Carzilla?"

"Yeah - you know! The lesbionic vampire from that Web series!"

Paige furrowed her brow in confusion, smiling nervously and glancing, helpless, at Emily. "I'm sorry?"

"Carmilla," Emily blurted out, shooting Hanna a look that said, "Chill!"

"I know!" Hanna mouthed, scowling impatiently and tilting her head towards Paige, upset that Emily had sprung the trap she had been trying to get Paige to step into.

But, unfortunately for Paige, that wasn't the only trick that Hanna had up her sleeve. Things went steadily downhill from there.

Paige had heard of people who had no filter, but she had never experienced it in real life; certainly no one on Hanna's level. She was a bit dazed and confused by the time the meal was over.

* * *

"So, anyway," Emily said with a sad smile as she and Paige walked over to drop their trays off at the conveyor belt. "That's my roommate. She can come on a little strong, but…" Emily trailed off.

"But… you get used to it after a while?" Paige offered.

"I don't know," Emily said, wiping her hands with a napkin after she let go of her tray. She tossed the napkin onto the tray as it worked its way down the belt. "I've known her for… 19 years? – and I still haven't gotten used to it!" Emily's smile was a little shy, and she bit her lip, turning her body to face Paige's fully. "But, I hope she didn't offend you. I mean, she's harmless, really. She means well. She could just do with a filter."

Paige shrugged, putting her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. Emily had already picked up on this as Paige's self-defense pose. "It was fine," she said, shaking the hair away from her face to reveal a warm smile.

* * *

"Well? How'd it go?" Pru came bursting out of her seat as soon as she heard Paige's key in the door. Her voice was squeaky from excitement, and she couldn't keep still.

"How'd what go?" Paige played dumb. She didn't want to have that conversation – not in the hyped-up state that Pru was in. And not in the sullen mood that she, herself, was in. She was, frankly, disappointed and a little angry that she had ended up spending most of the meal talking with Emily's roommate rather than with Emily herself.

Pru sighed, annoyed at Paige's avoidance, but still bubbly. "Your lunch date with your hot teammate!"

"Okay, first of all, it wasn't a date. She brought her roommate along, for crying out loud!"

"Her roommate?" That news threw Pru for a loop.

"And I don't even think she likes girls!"

"Paige. Please. After everything you've told me?"

"She's just a very friendly girl, who happens to be rather touchy. I know a ton of girls like that. And not one of them is gay."

Pru rolled her eyes. "You know, Paige, for a lesbian, you've got the worst gaydar of anyone I've ever met."

"Pru…"

"So, what was the roommate like?"

Paige chuckled, pausing a moment, trying to come up with a description. "She was… a handful." She went on to describe Hanna's no-holds-barred style of interrogation, pausing when she noticed the smile that was reappearing on her roommate's face. "What?"

"Now it makes sense! Emily was trying to feel you out, but she brought the roommate 'cause it would've seemed too forward if she had asked all the questions herself."

"Pru, why do you just assume that every girl I have a crush on is in love with me?"

"Or, more like, why do you assume that they're not?"

"Uh… because I'm smart!"

Pru sighed, pursing her lips sadly. She reached over and stroked Paige's hair. "I worry about you, Paige. You could have such a great dating life if you just had a little more self-confidence."

"Prudence!"

Paige winced as Pru yanked her hair as punishment for using her full name. "I'm serious, Paige. What are you so afraid of? You're Paige Mc-fucking-Cullers! What did you tell me they called you in high school? The Conquistador!"

"Okay, they called everybody on the swim team that, Pru. That was our mascot!"

"Well, I'm just saying, if you were going up against Emily in a swim meet, you'd wipe the floor with her! Or, the pool, or whatever. But, now, since she likes you…" Paige opened her mouth to reply, so Pru repeated herself louder, "since she **obviously** likes you, you run away from her like a frightened little kitten."

Paige let out a heavy breath. "I don't know, Pru." She started to pace, running her fingers through her hair. "It's not easy, okay? In the pool, it's straightforward." Paige dropped her hands in front of her in a chopping motion as she made her point. "I'm there to kick ass, and that's what I do. But talking to a girl…"

"Paige, you talk to girls all the time!"

"You know what I mean, Pru."

Pru gave her a hug. "I know, Paige. But I wish you could just take a chance, you know? Not just for your sake, but for Emily's sake."

"Emily's fine without me." Pru shook her head in disbelief. "Believe me," Paige reiterated. "She could have any girl – or guy – she wants."

"Well, what if she wants you?" Pru asked softly.

Paige walked slowly over to her bed and plopped down on it. "She invited me over for dinner next week."

"Ahhhhh!" Pru squealed, pulling Paige back up to her feet and into a hug. "Paigey!"

"Prudence!"

Pru backed off, with her hands up in apology for using the nickname that Paige hated as much as she, herself, hated "Pru." "Okay, but – this is good news, right?" Paige bit her lip, rocking back on her heels. "Oh, come on!" Paige raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Damn it, Paige! How are you going to spin this as a bad thing?"

"I'm not saying that it's a bad thing." Paige was trying her best to keep her tone even, hoping that her nonchalance would bring Pru back from the high that she was on. "I'm just saying, don't read too much into this. She asked me over for dinner to make up for Hanna's behavior at lunch, that's all." Pru still wasn't buying it. "You know, it's the same as when I invited her to lunch, to make up for getting up and leaving her all alone after she came over and sat down at my table the other day."

"Okay, so you're telling me that you weren't hoping that something might happen when you invited Emily to lunch?"

Paige sighed, realizing that there was no winning that discussion. "Okay, so it isn't _exactly_ the same," she muttered to herself, hoping Pru would let it drop.


	3. The Mistimed Dinner

"Hello?" Paige twisted the doorknob and, finding it unlocked, pushed the door open slightly and stuck her head inside. She thought that she had heard "Come in" when she knocked, but she wasn't sure.

"In the kitchen!"

Paige let herself in fully, pausing for a moment as she tried to decide whether or not she should hang up her coat. She didn't see any other coats on the rack so, so she put her hands into her pockets and headed towards the smell of food.

"You made it," Emily said, turning away from the stove to give Paige a quick hug. She wrapped her forearm behind Paige's shoulders, careful to keep the stirring spoon away from her hair. Paige knew better than to read anything into the hug. She had seen Emily hug their teammates all the time. Speaking of teammates…

Paige realized that none of the other swimmers had arrived yet. "Am I early?"

"No, sorry." Emily smiled apologetically and turned to face the stove again. "I'm just running a little late." She twisted her head to shoot a smile Paige's way. "Are you cold?" she asked, nodding her head at Paige's leather jacket.

"Oh, uh…" Paige giggled nervously and shrugged off her jacket. "I'll just hang this?"

Emily nodded. Paige headed back to the coat rack and hung up her jacket, taking her phone out of the inside pocket and putting it in the back pocket of her jeans. On her way back to the kitchen, she stopped, caught off guard by the sight of the table in the dining area, set with only two places.

"So, uh… no Hanna, tonight?"

Emily laughed weakly. "No, not this time," she said, barely above a whisper. She twisted her torso towards Paige and added, "Sorry. Have I mentioned how sorry I am sorry about that lunch?"

"Only about a hundred times or so." Paige smiled, half out of politeness, and half at the realization that she was kidding around with Emily Fields.

"Well, she won't be bothering us tonight, I swear," Emily said, not looking back to see Paige's expression.

A silence fell between them before Paige remembered her manners. "Oh, uh... anything I can help with?" she asked, tearing her eyes away from the way that Emily's black yoga pants were bouncing from side to side as she stirred the sauce.

"You can tell me what this needs," Emily replied. Turning around, she extended the wooden spoon in Paige's direction, holding her hand underneath it to catch any sauce that spilled.

Paige strode over and took a taste. "Mmmm," she moaned, closing her eyes. The reaction was less about the taste of the pesto sauce than it was about the fact that Emily had her almost literally eating out of her hand. _God – what would Pru say about that?_

Paige opened her eyes and stared into Emily's, determinedly avoiding the corner of her shoulder that was exposed by her collar-less sweatshirt.

"Good?" Emily asked, her face unsure despite Paige's enthusiastic reaction.

"Perfect." _Just like the cook._ Paige felt a tingle as Emily swiped her thumb across her chin where some of the pesto had dripped.

Emily smiled, turning her body and her attention back to the stove. "You're sweet," she said, hoping that she wasn't going too far.

Paige stood a few steps away from Emily, awkwardly scanning for anything that her eyes could focus on to divert them from Emily's curves. The sweatshirt looked just as tantalizing from the back. Paige wondered whether all of Emily's tops were like that - cut just a little too wide to stay on her shoulder, leaving her shoulder and collarbone perpetually engaged in a game of peek-a-boo. Paige started to visualize a tattoo on the collarbone; nothing outlandish, just a little something like a flower, a cross, or maybe a character from the Chinese alphabet. Just something to draw the eyes there. As if Emily's perfect, golden skin - and the glimpse of a lavender bra strap - weren't enough to draw the eyes. Paige quickly looked away.

Emily's voice broke her from her thoughts. "Can you just stir this for a minute?" she asked pleasantly.

Paige looked confused, as if Emily had asked her to regulate the reaction on her nuclear power plant.

"Sorry," Emily said, "I just need to get dressed before we eat."

"You're fine," Paige assured her. _Perfect_ , she added mentally, trying her hardest not to stare too much.

Emily laughed self-consciously and pushed Paige's shoulder. "You'll say anything to get out of cooking," she joked. "Fine," she added, "Just have a seat. This'll be ready in a minute."

"Um, actually," Paige said tentatively, "can I... freshen up a bit?"

"Oh, yeah, sure!" Emily shook her head. "Gosh – where are my manners?" Using the wooden spoon as a pointer, she explained, "It's straight down the hall, second door on the left."

* * *

Paige was smiling – practically giggling – as she headed down the hall. "Tell me what this needs," she mumbled to herself, replaying their moment in her head - which she'd lowered, shaking it in disbelief. She found the door on the left, entered through it, and closed it.

The aroma that filled her nostrils almost overpowered them. Paige put the scent down to Hanna; girly; frilly; a little ditzy. But it put a thought in her head. Even with the door closed, she checked left and right, as if worried that she might get caught at what she was about to do. She really did need to wash her hands, but, once she once she was there and her mind was on the scent of the place, she couldn't resist checking the shower, to find out what product Emily used to get her hair smelling so incredible. She slid the curtain back slowly, trying to keep it silent. Her eyes darted quickly up and down the shelves, falling first on a shelf with a big, pink loofa, some pink liquid soap in a transparent bottle, and shampoo and conditioner in twin pink bottles with red lettering and oversized yellow lids on the top. They had to be Hanna's she decided. They seemed in keeping with the scent that Paige's nose was just starting to get used to, to the point where almost didn't smell it anymore. And the items on the shelf seemed to be marketed towards the same demographic that chose the scent: bold, ostentatious, more style than substance.

"Stop it," she told herself. She wasn't there to judge Hanna. And, obviously, there had to be more to Hanna than met the eye, since Emily thought so highly of her.

On a tier above the one with Hanna's product rested two slender, tan bottles - like Emily herself, Paige thought - even to the point where the adhesive on one of the labels was failing, making the label curl away the bottle, exposing an extra hint of tan. She picked the bottle up, examining the label. Coconut and shea. Paige smiled at the scent. "It figures _,"_ she said out loud _._ She never could resist coconut.

Paige stiffened when she heard footsteps in the hall, worried that she had taken too much time. She prepared herself to be asked "Are you okay?", "Did you find everything?" or something like that. But Emily walked on by. "Cool it," Paige told her reflection sternly before she turned towards the door. "No more creeping out on Emily. She's just a friend. Don't blow this."

Paige got back to the kitchen to find that Emily wasn't there. "I'll be right there," Emily called from one of the bedrooms.

 _Okay_ , Paige thought, trying to stay calm.

Emily wanted to put her best foot forward with Paige, but she didn't want to make Paige feel uncomfortable – any more uncomfortable than she clearly already was - so she chose her change of clothes carefully.

She emerged from her bedroom and strode down the hall in slow motion – or so it appeared to Paige. Emily looked like a runway model who had been cast in a music video, complete with the diffused lighting and the wind-blown hair. Or maybe that last part was just Paige's imagination. She watched Emily smooth her hand through that hair, casually releasing it from its messy bun, and lick her lips. She was dressed casually – in jeans and a simple top – similar to the way that Paige was dressed, but the comparison ended there. Emily was hot. Paige could feel the temperature rising within her, with every step that Emily took towards her.

Emily stifled a smile when she saw Paige swallow a lump in her throat. "Sorry to keep you waiting," she said, her voice deepened with confidence by Paige's reaction.

Dinner was pleasant. Relaxed. Friendly. Emily discovered that Paige made a good friend. Paige discovered that she could relax and be herself in Emily's presence. Neither one of them could have told what they talked about that evening. It didn't really matter what. What mattered was that they were comfortable together. It wasn't the outcome that Emily had wanted, but she was glad to have a new friend. A _good_ friend, like Paige McCullers.

* * *

Hanna ducked her head in the front door much in the way that Paige had, a few hours earlier. She didn't want to get yelled at by Emily for interrupting her romantic night in. "Em?"

"In here, Hanna," Emily sighed.

"Paige?"

Emily huffed out a breath. "She's gone." Forcing herself to laugh, she added, "It's safe."

Hanna's eyes were wide with anticipation when she got into Emily's room. "So?" Before Emily could answer, Hanna caught sight of the outfit that Emily had worn, folded up on the edge of the bed. "That's what you wore?" she asked, disappointed.

Emily nodded her head in frustration as she slipped a warm, fuzzy nightshirt over her head. "She didn't think it was a date," Emily explained. "I didn't want to freak her out by dressing up for one."

Hanna gave Emily a sympathetic hug. "So, you did the mistimed dinner thing?"

"Yeah. Thanks, by the way." Even though Hanna had been confident of Paige's feelings for Emily, she hadn't been able to convince Emily. So, as a compromise, she told Emily to pretend that she had mistimed her dinner. That way, she would be able to see what Paige's expectations for the evening were before she got dressed. "God – if I had opened the door in that dress…" Emily shook her head. "I would've felt like such a fool."

"Sorry, Em," Hanna said, rubbing Emily's shoulder.

"It's fine," Emily assured her, drawing out the word. "Really. I mean, once we got beyond the initial jitters, we got along really well. I think it's the first time that I've ever seen Paige truly relax and be herself with me."

"Oh." Hanna paused, furrowing her brow. "So, that's… good, right?"

"Yeah. Good. 'Friends' is good."

"But not great," Hanna said sadly, with a sympathetic frown.

Emily groaned. "Ugh! It's just... it's so frustrating... she's so..." Emily stood, gesturing wildly with her arms. "She's just... great, you know? She's like" - Emily deepened her voice, striking a muscle pose - "strong and confident when we're at practice, but she's also got that sweet, shy side. I mean, sometimes, she'll just say the sweetest thing, and she'll dip her head as if she's embarrassed at being so adorable. And, she..."

"And, she's freaking hot!" Hanna interjected.

Emily laughed out loud and sank back down on her bed again, burying her face in her hands. "The thing is, sometimes, the way she looks at me, I would swear..."

Emily didn't continue, so Hanna prodded. "You'd swear?"

Emily shook her head. "We're friends," she breathed out resignedly. "End of story." Emily laid her head on Hanna's lap and tried to sound okay with that fact. "So this is what it feels like to be friend-zoned."

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder that this story is based on actual events... Yes, a woman I kind of liked invited me over for dinner, and I was surprised to find that I was the only guest. Still, it never occurred to me that she had invited me as more than a friend... :(


	4. Paily

Paige and Emily became good friends. In fact, they became almost inseparable. It was a new kind of experience for both of them. Paige had had her share of casual friends and a few close friends when she was growing up, but, between swimming and her studies, she never found the time to invest in serious relationships. And even though Emily had her three close friends in high school – none closer than Hanna – she had never had a friend like Paige: someone on the team with her; a fellow athlete who could relate to the life of a swimmer and the pressures and challenges she faced.

In fact, their friendship helped them with their swimming. As the two freshman stand-outs on the team, they trained together, pushing each other in a sort of cooperative competition, rather than the cut-throat rivalry they might otherwise have had.

Paige helped give Emily that competitive edge; the killer-instinct to finish hard in a tough race. And Emily always reminded Paige of the value of swimming for the fun of it; the advantages of keeping things loose and enjoying their sport. Once, as the team huddled up before their first meet, holding hands and listening to the coach's psych-up speech, Emily looked across the circle at Paige. Paige was focused, with her head down, her knees alternating forward and and back like pistons, one after the other. Emily recognized it as Paige getting into the zone. _She's way too serious_. Just then, Paige looked up, and Emily impulsively stuck out her tongue at her. She immediately regretted having done it, unsure how Paige would react to having her concentration broken. Paige had to stifle a giggle. It came out as a silent, open-mouthed smile instead, as her body lurched forward. Emily had taken down the tension level, allowing Paige to relax. Although they never mentioned it to each other or anyone else, it became their secret ritual before every meet.

Their teammates noticed how close they had become, of course. Eventually, they stopped referring to them individually and just lumped them together as "Paily." It started by accident: One of the team captains was writing out the training rotations and got distracted by someone's question after she had started writing "Paige." When she got back to the whiteboard, she inadvertently finished the first three letters of Paige's name with the last two letters of Emily's. She laughed as she read it out loud, and it stuck – much to both Paige and Emily's delight. They both enjoyed the fact that they were official – officially friends.

Over time, Paige reached the point where she was comfortable enough around Emily not to feel the urge to stare - or the urge to look away - no matter what state of dress (or undress) Emily happened to be in.

Or so she thought.

One night, Emily got out of the shower and launched into her usual moisturizing ritual. Paige had seen it countless times before, but there was something different that night, with just the two of them in the locker room after a late, one-on-one training session. There seemed to have been something in the water. And there they were, with no one else around: Paige, her body and mind worn down by the seemingly endless monotony of laps, her judgment and discretion at an all-time low, and Emily, right there, blithely watching her hands as they kept their gentle, steady rhythm up and down, up and down, rubbing the lotion into soft, smooth skin. Paige's eyes locked in on the sight, refusing every command from the rational part of her brain to focus elsewhere.

And then, before Paige knew it, it was too late.

Emily caught her.

Emily shot her a sly smirk for what she had undeniably been doing. Before Paige could try to explain herself, Emily's lips were on hers, her warm, naked body pressed against Paige's semi-clothed one, her mouth moaning down Paige's throat.

It had happened all too fast. And it was so wrong. Paige knew it. But she didn't stop it. She didn't want to stop it. _It was like a…_

Paige bolted up off the bed as paroxysms of passion burned in her lower abdomen. Her hair was matted down with sweat, and her fingers were hot and moist between her thighs. "Damn it!" she yelled.

"Paige?" Pru called from the other room, having been awakened by Paige's cry into the darkness.

"I'm okay," Paige called back, to reassure her. But she wasn't. When she got over the initial anger over the realization that what had just happened had only been a dream, she was consumed by guilt that she would, even in her subconscious, use Emily to get herself off. "Damn it," she repeated – this time under her breath, so as not to alarm Pru again.

There was a slight, less than conscious shift in Paige's behavior towards Emily after that dream. Paige began to back away from her slightly, afraid that she would somehow cross, in real life, the boundary that she had crossed in the dream; knowing that, if that happened, the real-life outcome would be nothing like the dream. Real-life Emily would definitely not be okay with it. Real-life Emily would probably ask Coach to move her to another locker, putting several rows of lockers between her golden body and Paige's lust-filled eyes.

On the trip to their next away meet, Paige found herself afraid of falling asleep on the bus, fearing that she would have the dream again - and her body's reaction to it - but this time, in front of her teammates. And in front of Emily. It didn't help that Emily was fast asleep, with her arms curled around Paige's bicep and her head on Paige's shoulder. Her lips were formed into a peaceful smile, and they twitched slightly when Paige brushed away the hair that looked uncomfortable on top of her eyes. Those lips looked so soft, so plump, so... _kissable_ , and...

_Damn it!_

Paige turned her head to the window, counting telephone poles as the bus zoomed past on its way down the deserted, interminably long rural roads. It was going to be a long ride.

* * *

It took some time, and some questions from Emily about why things were weird between them (questions that Paige managed to deflect), but, eventually, Paige was able to feel comfortable around Emily again and to relax back into their friendship. She was even comfortable studying with Emily, alone, unchaperoned, in either her apartment or Emily's.

On one of these study nights, Emily lay stretched out on the couch, as usual, with her feet in Paige's lap. Paige was leaning back against the cushions on the other end of the couch, her left elbow holding the textbook open as she scrawled her solutions to the problems into the notebook that was pressed into the base of her ribcage. It looked horribly uncomfortable, but, apparently, it worked for Paige. Emily had gotten used to seeing her study like that, with her one eyebrow adorably cocked in concentration. She no longer offered Paige a pillow or more room on the couch to make her more comfortable.

But, this night, Paige's comfort was the last thing on Emily's mind. Her attention was elsewhere. Paige noticed that Emily wasn't interrupting her the way she usually did on study nights - throwing out the occasional question that had nothing to do with what she was studying, but just whatever happened to come into her mind at the moment. Paige looked up, following Emily's gaze to the TV on the other side of the room. The student-run TV station was on, and Emily was watching a documentary where a girl was talking about the adjustment that she had made when she came to the US to study. Emily felt Paige's stomach vibrate in laughter. She looked over to see what it was that Paige found amusing, but quickly looked away, when she saw that Paige had caught her giving her undivided attention the TV.

"So, that's your type?" Paige asked, still chuckling as she nodded her chin towards the TV.

"No! What?" Emily was overly defensive. "It's just... interesting! It's an interesting story!"

Paige chuckled again. The look that she had seen on Emily's face wasn't the look of someone who was interested from a sociological perspective.

"Oh, shut up," Emily said, kicking Paige softly in the stomach.

Paige reached for the remote and turned up the volume a little. "Oh, I get it!"

"Huh?" Emily said, purely on reflex. Her attention had already been turned back to the girl in the documentary, and she hadn't really processed Paige's statement.

"You like zee German accent?" Paige teased, doing her best to affect one. "It… _was iss das Wort –_ it turns you on, _jah?_ "

"Shut up," Emily said again, half-heartedly, this time, but Paige kept going. Emily forgot about what was happening on TV. Her stomach fluttered at the sound of that oddly authentic attempt at a German accent, in Paige's deep, husky voice. She found herself staring at Paige's lips as they continued to form the words; not paying attention to what she was saying, but enjoying way that her lips were moving, and the low, Teutonic rumble that was coming out of them.

And then, all of a sudden, Paige was singing, in slow, seemingly romantic phrases:

 _Wenn der Sommer wieder einzieht,_  
Dann bau'n wir uns ein kleines Haus.  
Wenn der Bauer wieder Wein zieht,  
Schaut alles wieder anders aus.

 _Dann kaufst du mir ein rotes Kleid_  
Mit silberweissen Tressen.  
Dann wollen wir die schlimme Zeit  
So ganz und gar vergessen.

Things were starting to get a bit too real.

Paige looked over and saw Emily staring at her with her mouth wide open, as if in a trance. Emily recovered quickly, as soon as the singing stopped. She sat up and shoved Paige sidelong into the arm of the couch. "Oh, my God! Shut up, McCullers!"

Emily laughed off the incident. Paige had found her weakness and teased her about it, and she was suitably embarrassed. End of story. But, of course, there was more to it than that.

In those few moments, something changed in Emily. It wasn't just the sexiness of Paige's voice – or the fact that they were so connected that Paige had been able to pick up on the fact that it was the girl's accent that had captivated her.

Part of it was that Emily was tired of being single. She was tired of being best friends with the girl whom she'd had her sights on since the first day of swim practice.

And, even though Paige had only been teasing her, there was no denying that her sexy voice – and the fact that she had been singing to her in _German_ \- had turned Emily on a little.

"How do you even know German?" Emily tucked the hair away from her face and scooted over a little farther from Paige, worried, all of a sudden, that she was sitting too close to her, and subconsciously feeling guilty for having had made Paige's innocent joke into something sexual, somehow.

Paige shrugged. "You know. 'McCullers.' It's a German name."

Emily rolled her eyes.

Paige laughed at the joke that only she had found amusing before she admitted the truth. "My Mom's German," she explained. "Well, first-generation American, but... My Grandmother came over from Germany. Her English wasn't very good, so she didn't talk a lot when other people were around. But, whenever I stayed over at her house, and it was just the two of us, she really came alive." Emily smiled at the wistfulness in Paige's eyes. Seeing her obvious affection for her time with her grandmother was endearing. "Anyway," Paige added, getting back to the explanation, "She used to sing to me when she tucked me in at night." Shrugging again, she concluded dismissively, "I guess it must've sunk in."

As their study session wore on, Paige resumed her study-position on the couch, with one hand behind her head, deeply concentrating on the book she was tucking into her tummy with the other hand. Emily switched positions, putting her head, rather than her feet, in Paige's lap. She did it without really realizing it. When Paige shifted her book out of the way, Emily looked up her with a smile, silently asking, "Is this okay?" Paige smiled back and went back to studying. A little bit later, the arm that was behind her head got tired, and she moved it. It would've gone in her lap, but Emily's head was there, so she stretched it out across the back of the couch instead. Emily, sensing that the lap would've been Paige's first choice, tugged at Paige's hand, pulling it down there. "Ooh, Paige, why is your hand so cold?" Emily rubbed Paige's hand between both of her hands, using friction to warm it up. She got lost in the activity, though, and, before long, without realizing it, it had turned into her playing with Paige's hand, turning it over, rubbing it lightly, fiddling with the fingers. It was a distraction from Paige's studying, but it was a pleasant distraction, and she hummed her approval. Hearing that reaction, Emily realized what she had been doing and quickly cleared her throat, putting Paige's hand on the back of the couch again. "I'm going to let you have this back, now," she said dryly. She didn't know what else to say, and she hoped Paige wouldn't make a big deal of it and tease her about it. She had simply forgotten herself in the moment. It didn't mean that she was lonely – or flirting.

Paige looked down at her with a smile and tousled hair a little. Just a little, and then the hand went back to the couch, and Paige's focus went back to her book.

Emily didn't let it show, but she was wearing the biggest grin on the inside. It was the first time that Paige had ever touched her affectionately, and it felt really good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Marlene Dietrich sang the version of the song ("Wenn der Sommer wieder einzieht") that I had in mind when I wrote this chapter… (You know… Marlene Dietrich, as in Paige's costume from the Halloween train episode…)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	5. Strange Behavior

Paige was nodding her head slightly, in time with the music that was playing in the background, smiling at the sight of Emily, who was shuffling her finger through a bowl of M&Ms, occasionally locating a blue one and placing it in the middle of her tongue, sucking the candy coating off of it before she dispatched the rest with a quick, decisive bite.

"You know that they all taste the same, right?" Paige was talking a little louder than usual so that she could be heard above the music.

Part of her felt bad for monopolizing all of Emily's time at the team's night out in Philly, but Emily didn't seem to mind. And, they were best friends, Paige reasoned, so it made sense that they would hang out together. Still, she couldn't help worry that she was latching onto Emily like a lifeline; too afraid to let go and swim on her own.

Emily rolled her eyes with a light laugh. "No," she insisted, "the blue ones actually taste better! And, besides," she added with a mock-seductive wink, "you know what they say about the green ones!"

Paige wrinkled her forehead. She had no idea what they said about them.

"You know," Emily asked, fishing around for another blue one and sliding it onto her tongue. "That they're aphrodisiacs?" Emily crinkled her nose and shot Paige a wink that worked far better than any green M&M ever could have.

Paige hovered in place, her feet planted but her body rocking slightly from side to side, her eyes unable to pan away from Emily's dark red lipstick. All of a sudden, she felt Emily's hand around her wrist. "Come dance with me, Paige!"

Paige scrunched her lips to the side in a polite denial. "I'm not really a dancer, Em."

"So? It's not a contest," Emily said, breaking into a couple of moves. "It's just fun! And I love this song!" Emily took her by both wrists this time, trying to drag her out onto the floor, but Paige stood firm.

Shana, standing just behind her, leaned in and whispered, "Paige, when a hot girl wants to dance with you, you just go for it!" She was only teasing, or so Paige thought. Paige knew that Shana, herself, would gladly jump at an invitation to dance with Emily Fields, but everyone on the team that Paige and Emily were just really good friends. No one ever put them together romantically. Or did they?

Paige could feel the panic rising in her. She didn't know what would be scarier: Finding out that Emily only wanted to dance with her as a friend, or finding out that Emily actually thought of her as more than that.

Emily gave Paige a sad pout, and Paige felt like a heel for letting her down, so she straightened up and headed out to the dance floor with her, trying her best to make it appear that her inept dancing was an attempt at humor; that she was intentionally being uncoordinated and awkward. Whatever the reason for the way that Paige was dancing, Emily didn't seem to mind. She just really wanted to dance, Paige determined, so she was happy to have someone – a friend – who was willing to go out on the dance floor with her.

When the song ended, the DJ decided to slow it down a bit. Paige shrugged at Emily as the final notes of the song they'd danced to segued into the opening notes of a slow, romantic song. The shrug was Paige's way of asking how she did, but, to Emily,it looked as if Paige were asking, "Why not keep dancing?" Emily gamely seized on the perceived offer. As she reached her arms around Paige's waist, Paige, caught off guard at the fact that they were, apparently, not finished on the dance floor, stretched out her hands awkwardly, not knowing what to do with them. Emily smiled, lightly slapping Paige's cheek, as if Paige were only pretending to be so clueless. Rolling her eyes and playing along, she took Paige's arms and put them on her shoulders. Paige gingerly let her hands rest on the fabric that was covering Emily's shoulders, not daring to let them stray into the area where Emily's skin lay exposed by the low-cut back of her dress. She would have died if Emily had been able to feel her clammy, trembling hands. She lied to herself that Emily wasn't able feel the rapid, heavy beating of her heart as they held each other close.

But, of course, Emily was able to feel it. In fact, Emily picked up on all of the subconscious signals that Paige was sending. She could tell that Paige wanted to be anywhere but there, dancing with her. She didn't know whether Paige was nervous about what her teammates might think or what the strangers in the club would think, but it was obvious that slow-dancing didn't feel right to her.

Emily gave her a hug. They had hugged often enough for that, at least, not to feel uncomfortable. "Thanks," she said, stepping away from Paige in the middle of the song and leading her back to the sidelines with the rest of the team.

Paige dipped her head in contrition, realizing that she had handled everything wrong. She could've had fun with Emily, her friend, the way that friends do, but she ended up disappointing her instead – all because she was worried about what a simple dance meant. It was just a dance. Others of their teammates were dancing and having fun. Her best friend deserved to have fun, too.

When they got back to the sidelines, Emily realized that she had been holding Paige's hand the whole time that she led them on their retreat from the dance floor. She released it without ceremony, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that she had been holding it and make Paige even more uncomfortable.

Paige could still feel the warmth of Emily's hand surrounding hers long after the song had ended.

As the party broke up, the team headed back to the cars they had come in. Paige was a few paces ahead of Emily when she remembered something. She turned around as she said, "You wanted me to remind you that you have to set your alarm to get up early tomorrow."

Emily hadn't expected Paige to turn around when she did. She had been staring at Paige's butt, and she wasn't able to look away in time, so she just smiled and hoped that Paige somehow hadn't noticed. "Thanks. I... totally forgot."

But, of course, Paige had noticed.

Paige didn't have any body-image issues; not anymore, at least. There had been some dark days in the first years of high school, because she didn't fit the petite, girly kind of figure that was so highly esteemed by the young boys and girls in her age group. But even before she grew into her muscles - and into a figure that was acceptable to the fashion police, she had learned to value herself and her body.

Still, she couldn't come to grips with why Emily had been staring like that. Was her panty-line showing? Was Emily wondering about her glutes workout? Was Emily just staring ahead, unaware that her eyes were on the prize?

Paige couldn't figure it out. And there was no way that she could ask Emily. She would never embarrass herself that way. After all, what would a girl who looked like Emily Fields be doing staring at her? It would just have to remain one of those unsolved mysteries.

Whatever the reason for the stare, it made Paige feel self-conscious about the way that she looked from behind. She slowed her pace a little, so that she was walking alongside - not in front of - Emily.

Shana came up behind the two of them and interposed herself between them, putting her arms around their shoulders. It was a good thing she wasn't one of the drivers. She was at that stage of tipsy where she just didn't give a fuck. She got their heads into a lock with her elbows and tilted them close to her. "You guys were so cute out there on the dance floor," she announced, only slightly slurring her words. "Why did you stop in the middle of that last song?"

Emily pushed Shana's stomach, to extricate herself from the hammer-lock. "Shana," she pronounced, "You're drunk. How many did you have?"

Emily deliberately ignored Shana's comment. The experience on the dance floor was bad enough. If Paige thought that people were talking how cute they looked together, she'd probably run for the hills. And Emily hadn't made things better by letting herself get caught staring. So, Emily changed the subject, in hopes of salvaging what little hope remained that Paige would still feel comfortable enough to hang out with her when the night was over.

"Guys kept sending me drinks," Shana explained. "But, she said, raising a bony finger to Emily's face, "I can candle my liquor! Wait - ' _Candle?'_ " She shrugged nonchalantly. It didn't sound right, but it would have to do.

* * *

"What time did you get in last night?" Pru asked as she set a cup of coffee in front of Paige and sat across the table from her, cradling her own coffee mug.

Paige smiled a thank-you. "It wasn't too late. You were already in bed, though."

"So how was it?"

"It was good," Paige assured her, her tone going higher at the end, as if there were more to the story. She took another sip of her coffee, and just when Pru thought that was all of the story she was going to get, Paige took a deep breath and started again. "Emily can be strange sometimes, you know?"

Pru smiled eagerly. "Strange as in she _likes_ you?"

"No!" Paige's reply was authoritative and loud. "That's not what I mean at all. I mean - I don't know - sometimes, it's as if we're best friends, but sometimes, it feels as if she's afraid to talk to me." Paige shook her head. "Weird."

"And why do you think that is, Paige?" Pru knew there couldn't be a lot of explanations.

"That's what I mean! It's weird! And, like, last night, she dragged me out onto the drag floor..." Pru's eyes went wide. "Not like that, Pru. _Everybody_ was dancing. But, then, in the middle of the song, she stopped dancing, and we walked off."

"Paige." Pru grabbed her roommate's wrist. "You need to figure out what you want with this woman, because she's clearly into you, and, right now, you're killing her."

Paige needed to have this conversation. She needed to have someone tell her that Emily was into her. She needed to hear it out loud, to hear how ridiculous it sounded, so that she could shoot the theory down before she convinced herself that there was hope.

"No, Pru. Trust me. If she liked me, I would know. But I've seen how she looks at me - and how she looks at other girls. And guys. She's just friendly like that."

Pru rolled her eyes. "Yeah, okay. Whatever." Raising her mug in a mock toast, she added, "To denial!"

Paige went back to her coffee, watching her finger trace designs on the tabletop. "And then," she said, chuckling as though it were funny, "as we were leaving - you'll love this - I turned around, and she was staring at my ass!"

"Paige!"

"I know, right? What's up with that?"

"Okay, now you're just being..."

"Being what?"

Pru exhaled a long, exaggerated breath. Raising her palms towards the ceiling, she asked. "How? How are you going to say the fact that she was staring at your ass doesn't mean anything?"

"Okay, first of all, who says Emily even likes girls? And, second, we're jocks, Pru! We're jocks! I check out other people's bodies all the time - 'Ooh! I wonder how much she benches! Look at her pecs - I need to start doing _her_ workout!' If Emily was checking out my ass," she concluded with a flourish, "it was only because she wants to, you know, get on my level."

"Yeah, right," Pru scoffed. "She definitely wants to get on your level. She wants to get all up in your level - if, by 'your level' you're talking about your..."

"Pru!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder, to those of you out there who are thinking, "No one could be that clueless" - this story is based on my actual life... :(
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	6. No, Mom, She's Just a Friend

"No, Mom, she's just a friend." Emily took a deep breath. "Because her dad got stuck on a business trip, and her mom flew out to be with him… I don't know! Since when did it become a big deal for me to invite a girl over for Thanksgiving dinner?" Emily stood up and began to pace, threading her fingers through her hair in frustration. The last thing she needed was for Pam Fields to pick up the scent.

Emily was having enough turmoil with her own thoughts, when it came to Paige. She could never get a clear reading on what Paige felt or didn't feel for her; whether Paige just really shy, or just really not interested. Some days, they felt so close, and other days, it was as if they were on two different planets. Emily cringed at the thought of what could happen if she couldn't convince her mom that Paige was nothing more than a friend. Pam would embarrass Paige with her constant insinuations and knowing smiles. As much as Emily wanted to believe that she was downplaying her feelings for Paige in order to protect Paige from Pam, she couldn't deny that there was self-interest involved as well. She knew that Pam would back Paige into a corner, forcing her to say out loud the truth that Emily didn't want to hear. As long as Paige never said anything, Emily could go on pretending that she had a shot.

But her mom wouldn't let go.

"Mom, I'm not getting upset. I just don't know why" – Emily turned toward the opening door as Hanna walked in – "you're trying to make something out of nothing. She's my friend, we train together, she has no place to go on Thanksgiving, end of story!" After droning that litany of excuses into the phone, Emily held it at arm's length and made an exasperated face at it, letting Hanna see her frustration. "Look, if you don't want her to come..."

"Hi, Mrs. Cookies!" Hanna yelled with a teasing lilt, using the nickname that she had given Emily's mother when she was nine years old and made the connection between what she called Emily's mother and the Mrs. Fields of cookie fame.

The distraction was well-timed, taking the focus off of Emily's ultimatum.

"She says 'Hi,'" Emily assured Hanna. "Okay, Mom. I've got to go. Yeah… No, really, I need to…" She gave Hanna a pleading look.

"Em, we're going to be late!" Hanna improvised.

"Coming, Hanna! Okay, I love you, Mom. I've really got to go!" As soon as Emily ended the call, she let out a long grunt and rolled her eyes. "She's trying to make a big thing out of Paige coming over for Thanksgiving," she explained.

"Oh, yeah, I wonder why," Hanna said, her voice abnormally deep and over the top.

"Oh, don't you start!"

* * *

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry." Emily ran her fingers through her hair as she leaned closer to the windshield, scanning for a landmark. "Paige, I'm really sorry." She had been apologizing for a solid five minutes. "I drive home from Philly all the time, I don't know how I missed the turn."

"It's fine," Paige said for what felt like the hundredth time.

Emily sighed heavily. "I bet you're wishing you had gotten a ride with Hanna, now!"

Paige couldn't stifle a laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of that statement. "Yeah, stuck in a car, listening to Hanna go on and on about God knows what all night. That's what I'm wishing!"

Emily looked over and opened her mouth. Before she could apologize again, Paige interjected, "Seriously, why are you making such a big deal out of this?"

"Because…" _I don't want you to think that I'm an idiot… because I don't want you to think that I'm nervous about taking you home for Thanksgiving… because I don't want you to think that I think this is something more than you think it is…_ "Because we're going to be late," she finally came up with.

"Late? We've got like… 16 hours before dinner, right?"

"You know what I mean! We're going to get there late! It's going to be after midnight."

"Emily, it's fine." Paige put her hand on Emily's shoulder. Emily looked over at her, surprised by the gesture and by how much calmer it made her feel. She returned the smile that Paige was giving her.

"I'm sorry," she said, softly, because she didn't know what she really wanted to say.

"Okay, I'm going to start charging you a quarter every time you say that."

Emily tilted her head. "A quarter?"

"Yep," Paige said confidently. "That's what my old coach used to do to keep us from cursing when we fucked – damn it! – when we _messed_ up in a meet."

Emily shoved Paige's shoulder. Paige's obviously intentional choice of words had been meant to relieve Emily's tension, and it helped.

* * *

Emily slammed the door to her car and out of nowhere, it seemed, a furry creature came barreling through the twilight, barking excitedly. Emily squealed with delight and dropped down to one knee as the dog tackled her and started licking her face. Paige stood by, smiling at the scene. She was trying to figure out the dog's name - either "Princey poo," "Pudding pie," or some combination of the other nonsense syllables that started with the letter "P" which were coming out of Emily's mouth. For a brief moment, Paige imagined what it would be like to get that kind of reaction from Emily - tackling her to the ground and covering her with welcome-home kisses as Emily shrieked in delight and called her pet names.

The dog, having sufficiently greeted Emily, looked up at Paige, almost jumping as he paced left and right in a semicircle, waiting for authorization to greet the stranger.

"I hope you're okay with dogs," Emily said cautiously, still smiling at being reunited with her dog.

"I _love_ dogs," Paige exclaimed. She held out her hand, and, after the dog took the scent, he stood up n his hind legs, tapping his paws against Paige's stomach as she scratched the back of his neck. She noticed a purple icon hanging from the the collar around his neck, and it made sense. "Oh! Prince!" He yipped excitedly on hearing his name. Paige bent down and let him lick her face. "Or the dog formerly known as Prince?"

"Ha ha." Emily calmed Prince down and led him into the house. "We rescued him back in April, the week after Prince... you know."

"Yeah. Last year was really a sad one, wasn't it?" Emily nodded, and Paige put her arm around her shoulder as the three of them headed to the house.

* * *

Pam Fields' dinner table was intimate and cozy, much like the house. They could've put a leaf in the table to make it longer. That way, they would have been able to fit all of the food on the table. But Pam wanted everybody to be close. It was a comfortable closeness. Paige didn't feel as if she were under interrogation.

But Paige didn't know Pam Fields as well as Emily did. Emily could read between the lines of her mother's thoughts. It wasn't just Emily being paranoid. She had invited enough girls over for dinner when she was in high school to be able recognize the subtle battery of tests that Pam was putting Paige through. Paige was passing with flying colors, but that wasn't the point. The point, as Emily had made abundantly clear, was that Paige was her friend; that she had been invited as a friend, not as someone Emily was interested in. She kept looking over to make sure that Paige wasn't made uncomfortable by the line of inquiry, but Paige was smiling, apparently unaware of what was happening in Emily and her mother's heads.

* * *

"You really look like your mom." When Emily laughed genially, Paige added, "I guess you hear that a lot."

"Yep," Emily said, nodding. "Pretty much all the time."

"I mean – don't get me wrong. I can see your dad in you, too," Paige said, judging from the pictures of Wayne Fields that were all over the house. "It's just – your mom's kind of like…"

"My Mini-Me?" Paige shrugged demurely. "Don't worry, I get that a lot, too." Emily took a sip of her coffee. "Anyway, I guess you know what I'll look like in 25 years."

Paige, not expecting that line, laughed out loud, doing her best not to spit coffee everywhere. "You could do worse," she said, once she had composed herself. Crinkling her nose, she added, "That didn't come out weird, did it?"

"I'll take it as a compliment!"

"Please do," Paige pleaded. "Anyway," she continued, "I guess we know what your kids will look like… I mean, if you even want kids, that is!"

Somehow, sitting alone on the couch with Emily, in the dimly lit living room, with the smell of wood burning in the fireplace, the subject of kids seemed a bit too intimate for her to be discussing with someone who was just a friend.

"Definitely," Emily said with a big smile, not spooked at all by the turn the conversation had taken. "I don't know about you, but, growing up as an only child has made me want a big family, you know? I mean, I love my parents, and I had a great childhood, but, I just want my kids to have someone to play with, someone to hang out with, someone to…"

"Fight with – to be forced to share toys and a room with – compete for their parents' attention with…" Paige laughed. "I'm sure you heard that all the time, from your friends who had brothers and sisters."

"All the time!" Emily confirmed. "Meanwhile, I would've killed to have someone to stay up all night and talk to, when we're supposed to be sleeping; someone who liked to play the same games I like to play and didn't think that the TV show I wanted to watch was a kiddie show."

Paige nodded knowingly at each phrase. "I guess the grass is always greener…"

"Yeah. Or, as my Mom always says, when you're a parent, whatever you do is wrong. Your kids always want you to do what their friends' parents do."

"She sounds like a martyr."

"No, not really." Emily smiled shyly. "I love my Mom." With a shrug, she added, "I mean, we have our moments… – You know how moms and daughters fight sometimes but…" Emily shrugged her shoulders. "She's a great mom."

"Yeah," Paige said sincerely. "I can tell." She gave Emily's leg a pat. "You're going to be a great mom, too, you know."

Emily bit her lip through a shy smile. Paige could say the sweetest things sometimes. And, whenever she did, she always dipped her head, as if she wanted to say something more, but was too afraid. Emily set down her coffee mug and let her hand find its way to Paige's cheek. It lingered there for a moment or two while the two of them remained locked in an intense stare.

Emily was the first to move. Paige felt a brush of air as Emily flipped her hair to the side and leaned in. Paige could smell the faint remains of pumpkin spice from the coffee on Emily's breath; could feel the unmistakable warmth of Emily's lips approaching her cheek.

They both recoiled in shock when the doorbell rang. Emily sprang to her feet, as if jolted out of her seat by a burst of electricity.

_Thank God._

If it had been a comic strip, the thought-bubble would have pointed to both of them, showing that they were thinking the same thing.

Emily was relieved that her lips didn't have the chance to change course and land against Paige's lips, rather than on her cheek. It would've been a supremely inappropriate and pathetic move; one that would've made the rest of the weekend - not to mention the ride home, without her mom to serve as a buffer - painful. And, on top of that, they would still have to train and compete together for the rest of swimming season. Emily dreaded the thought of Paige avoiding her in the locker room, the way some of her high school teammates had, back when she first came out.

And Paige was relieved that the doorbell put an immediate end to the tension that had been building up within her, before it could reach the point where it demanded to be released. That would inevitably have ended badly, with her waking up – sweaty and breathless; wet not just from perspiration – to the sound of Pam Fields pounding on the door, awakened by her moans, and checking to make sure that she was okay in there. And alone.

But Hanna's timing was impeccable. Her arrival, to discuss strategies for the next day's Black Friday shopping, was precisely the dousing of cold water that the two of them needed before the moment got the better of them.

Paige hung in there for a while as Hanna led them through site after site, making her list and checking it twice. It was rapidly getting to be too much for Paige, though, the way that her eyes kept straying over towards Emily - the dimples that showed up when she yawned; her long legs stretched out under the coffee table, with her hands tucked between them; the way that her head tilted back in laughter when Hanna was being Hanna; the way that she could feel Emily's eyes on her.

Hanna barely looked up when Paige announced that she was going to get some sleep. Emily got up and gave her a warm hug, apologizing for Hanna's intrusion. "I know this really isn't your thing."

She walked Paige over to the stairs and exchanged a few more words with her, making sure that she had everything she needed or knew where to find it. "Do you want me to come tuck you in?" she joked, hiding how much she really wanted to do it; not able to see how much Paige really wanted her to do it. She put her hand on Paige's shoulder, letting it linger and slide down to Paige's wrist as, with a sad smile, Paige turned to head up the stairs.

Hanna, wondering where her shopping buddy had gone, turned away from her tablet and observed the entire exchange at the stairs. She followed Emily with her eyes as she made her way back to the living room.

Emily smiled apologetically. "Sorry," she said as she sat down.

"Did I interrupt something?" Hanna whispered with her head lowered, after seeing the way they had said good-bye.

Emily exhaled. "No," she said pleasantly. It was too complicated to explain to her best friend. She wouldn't even have known where to begin.


	7. It's Over, Isn't It?

Thanksgiving weekend marked a turning point for Emily. She hadn't spent that much time one-on-one with Paige before, apart from when they trained together. Things were different on the drive to Rosewood and back, keeping each other company on the long drive, and on the couch in Emily's house, sipping coffee and chatting into the night, long after Pam had gone to bed - both tired, but neither one wanting their time together to come to an end.

And then, there was Saturday morning, taking Prince for a walk through the streets of downtown Rosewood. It was perfect: The sun wasn't fully up yet, the morning air was crisp, and there was hardly a soul in sight as Prince led the way through the quaint sidewalks and Paige and Emily trailed behind, huddled together against the cold. Emily, on impulse, linked arms with Paige, and, to her surprise, Paige didn't flinch. Their conversation flowed on, without so much as a momentary hitch. They stopped in front of the Brew, where Emily and Prince waited outside while Paige ran in, returning with two cappuccinos and, for Prince, a puppuccino - a glass of whipped cream. She handed Emily her cup and continued where they had left off, linking arms with her again. Emily wished that she could have bottled that morning; sealed it up tight so that she could pull back the lid later and take a deep whiff of it, whenever she felt lonely or frustrated. It was just too perfect - the rising sun casting its glow over the sleepy streets of Rosewood, already festooned with Christmas decorations, a cup of cappuccino warming her hand, and Prince eagerly leading the way as Emily walked arm in arm with the most beautiful soul on the planet.

Emily started letting herself believe what Hanna – and even some members of the swim team – had been telling her about the way that Paige looked at her. And the way that Paige behaved with her; the way that Paige took care of her. Everybody – or, a lot of people, at least – seemed to think that it was more than just Paige being a good friend. And Emily herself realized that, had she seen Paige behave that way with anyone else, she, too, would have concluded that Paige had feelings for that person.

Once they got back to campus, though, Emily felt them slipping back into their old familiar orbits; circling each other, but keeping their distance. She decided that they needed some time away from things again – away from their routine, from their friends, from their studies, and from their training. Maybe, then, they would be able to put some momentum behind what they'd had in Rosewood. Maybe, if Paige could see her outside of their daily bubble again, she would be able to see Emily as someone whom she could be more than just friends with.

* * *

Paige grinned as she turned the corner and fell into step a few feet behind Emily – Emily and some guy. They were obviously enjoying a moment together, and Paige grinned because she was happy to see Emily happy with someone. Of course, she couldn't help being disappointed that the someone wasn't her, considering how close she and Emily had seemed to be getting. She realized that she must've been mistaken about the signals she had thought she was picking up from Emily. But still, she could be happy that Emily was happy. After all, it was a bit far-fetched to think that Emily would really be interested in her in the first place.

Paige sped up a little bit, intentionally bumping into Emily as she passed.

"I'm sorry," Emily said, turning around and reaching for the arm that had slammed into her. "Are you okay?"

Paige couldn't help laughing. "You're the only person in the world who apologizes when someone else runs into you, Emily!"

"Paige!" Emily, excited at seeing Paige, didn't even bother replying to her comment. "This is Matt."

Paige shook Matt's hand, smiling as she looked at him and repeated his name. Matt was tall and athletic. Paige was pretty sure that he was one of the juniors or seniors on the men's swim team. She gave Emily a knowing smile when she turned her attention back to her.

"Matt's dad works in the front office for the Eagles," Emily explained, as if that was the interesting thing about him. "He can get us VIP tickets for the game this Sunday! How about it? You think the Birds have what it takes this year?"

Paige looked back and forth between the couple, not able to get the smile off of her face. Emily and Matt were obviously hitting it off. Paige would've enjoyed an afternoon at the stadium, but the last thing that she wanted to do was crash their football date, tagging along as a fifth-wheel; hanging out with them as Emily's single friend. Actually, the last thing she wanted was to say yes, only to find out that Emily had invited her so that she could set her up with Matt's roommate. "Well, that sounds great," she said, enthusiastic over Emily's big date more than she was about the chance to see the game, "but I'm going to have to take a raincheck. I'm working on Sunday."

"Aw," Emily said, her pout not just out of pity for Paige. "Can't you get someone to cover?"

Paige sighed. Emily was really selling it. Paige supposed it was because Emily didn't want to appear too eager to be alone with Matt and risk scaring him off. Or maybe she had promised him that she'd find a date for his roommate. Paige was sure that Emily would be able to find someone else for the roommate, if that were the case. "Next time," she assured her, nodding her head. She tucked her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt. Emily watched them go in. She knew that Paige was going into her self-protection stance. "It would be hard to find somebody on such short notice." That wasn't really true, but it was a plausible enough explanation to get Paige out of blocking Emily and Matt's date.

When Emily's face fell, Paige added, trying to sound eager, "But let me know the next time you guys are going, and I'm there!"

Emily sighed, squeezing the top of Paige's shoulder. "Okay," she said resignedly, but trying to stay upbeat, "I'm going to hold you to it!"

Paige shrugged. "So, I'll see you guys around, then?"

"See ya," Emily said sadly.

"Nice to meet you," Matt added.

Emily slid her hand down the length of Paige's arm to her wrist, giving it a slight squeeze before she let go. Paige awkwardly removed her hand from its hideaway in the pocket and tried to return the squeeze. Emily gave her a sincere look that she couldn't quite interpret. But she had seen what she had seen. There was no denying what was going on between Emily and Matt. And, although Paige was mostly happy for Emily, and even though she knew, deep down, that she never really had a shot with Emily, she couldn't deny the deep sense of loss that she felt.

* * *

Emily hadn't told Hanna about her plans for a change of venue with Paige. It would've been too embarrassing, if Hanna knew that she was making a play for Paige, and nothing ended up coming out of it. Indeed, after Paige shot down her invitation, Emily felt relieved that Hanna didn't know about it.

Unfortunately, Hanna was pretty good at picking up on her mood.

"Em? What's wrong?"

Emily flashed her best fake smile. "What do you mean?"

Hanna sat down on Emily's bed, pulling Emily down next to her. "What happened?"

"Nothing happened!"

Hanna tightened her lip and leaned her head in, her eyebrows raised.

"Nothing. I just invited Paige to go see the Eagles with me, or whatever."

"And?"

"And she has to work, or whatever."

"Oh."

"I mean…" Emily sighed. "Don't laugh, but I guess… I just thought that if Paige could see me – the _real_ me, just having fun, or whatever, she might… I don't know…"

"She might start to think of you as more than a friend?"

It sounded even stupider when Emily heard it out loud. She punched Hanna in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Hanna protested, rubbing her shoulder. "What the fuck, Em?"

"That's for thinking that I'm pathetic!"

"You're _not_ pathetic. What did Paige say?"

"You know. 'I have to work, or something. Talk to you never.'"

Hanna rolled her eyes. She knew that there had to be an explanation. "Em, what did she say exactly?"

"I don't know, Hanna. God, this is the last time I ever trust you when you tell me that someone likes me."

Hanna was going to defend her theory, but she could see that it wasn't what Emily needed most right then. She wouldn't have been receptive to the truth anyway. So Hanna gave her what she needed - a strong hug.

Emily lingered in the embrace. "Why can't she just like me back?" she asked weakly, sniffling away the tears.

Hanna couldn't take seeing Emily like that. "Maybe I should…"

"No!" Emily wriggled her way out of Hanna's arms, almost jabbing her with her index finger as she pointed it at her face. "You are not going to talk to her, do you understand me?"

"Okay, okay!" Hanna held her hands up.

"You swear?"

"I swear."

"I've already humiliated myself with Paige McCullers enough for one lifetime!"

Hanna muttered something under her breath.

"What was that?"

Hanna was annoyed. "Nothing, nothing. I already swore I won't say anything, Em, okay? I just… God – you two are wasting so much time! You could be choosing your China patterns by now! Or a cat - or a U-Haul - or whatever it is you guys do!"

* * *

"So…" Paige, her hands folded in front of her on the table, leaned across it eagerly, closer to Emily.

"So?"

Paige and Emily were usually pretty in-tune with each other, but Emily didn't know what Paige was getting at. It didn't help that Emily was still trying to get over the feeling of being rejected by Paige.

"So how'd it go?" Emily responded with a confused smile. "You know? The Eagles game? With _Matt?"_ Paige puckered her lips and raised her eyebrows suggestively as she uttered the name.

"Matt?" Emily scoffed. She had all but forgotten about it. It wasn't about the Eagles, and it definitely wasn't about Matt. What it _was_ about had blown up in her face. "It was fine," she concluded, noncommittally.

"Yeah?" Paige grinned, eager for details.

"Yeah. You should've come. Watching from the luxury suite, free food, drinks…"

Paige smiled. Emily was such a good person. A good _friend_. She was downplaying her big date, so that Paige wouldn't feel bad. Paige didn't think that Emily knew how she felt about her – she certainly hoped that Emily didn't know. But it was so _Emily_ not to flaunt her dating success in front of her pathetic single friend. Paige decided to let her know that it was okay to talk about Matt. With a light chuckle, she said, "Okay, don't get offended, but…" Emily looked at Paige with an eyebrow raised, waiting for her to complete the thought. "I don't know. I just kind of thought that you were… you know... into girls."

Emily's head snapped back in shock when she realized where Paige was going with this. "What?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Paige said, hoping to calm things down. "Don't get offended," she repeated. "I don't know what even made me think that." _Wishful thinking, perhaps._ "And it's not as if people think of you that way, Em. But, yeah, it wasn't until I saw you and Matt that day…"

"Matt and me?" Emily was dumbfounded. "Paige…"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Em." Paige squeezed Emily's wrist. "Really, forget I said anything. You love whom you love and who cares if…" Paige cleared her throat. "Well, anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm just happy for you."

* * *

Emily burst into her apartment and burst into tears. Hanna clicked the TV off and lifted her knees, evicting the guy whose head had been in her lap as they watched "The Voice." He didn't need any persuading to pack up and go. He was only there for some fun, and maybe a light make-out session; not for whatever girl-drama was obviously coming.

Hanna followed Emily into her bedroom, letting the boy find his own way to the exit. "Emily?" Emily was lying with her back to the door, her body lifting and falling in time with her sobs. Hanna began rubbing circles on her back. "Em? What happened?"

Hanna recoiled as Emily turned over suddenly, her eyes red. "She thinks I'm fucking straight!" she yelled, and rolled back onto her side to cry into her pillow some more.

"She thinks you're straight?" Hanna didn't need any clarification on who the "she" was.

"She saw me with Matt for two minutes and she picked up on some non-existent chemistry between us. Meanwhile, I've been flirting with her since school started and…" Emily started crying again. "And she never even noticed me!"

"Emily…"

"She doesn't even think of me that way," Emily sobbed.

"I don't know, Em," Hanna whispered. "There's got to be some other reason…"

"No, Hanna." Emily sat up, rubbing the cuff of her sweatshirt against her eyes to wipe them dry. "Don't try to make me chase this fantasy anymore. You were right about what you said before. I've wasted too much time with Paige McCullers. It's time for me to face facts. She's not interested. I need to move on."

Emily let Hanna gather her into a hug. Being able to admit the truth to herself was a big step. But it didn't make the realization hurt any less. She trusted that time – and a love-interest, would take care of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title is from a song from the Steven Universe show… I've never actually seen the show, but I saw the song on someone's tumblr and it seemed perfect to describe what Paige felt when she saw Matt with Emily…
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	8. I'm So Happy for You

Gradually, so gradually that it was barely noticeable, Paige found herself seeing less of Emily. She didn't really realize that it was happening until one day when she saw a pair of shoes and thought that they would be perfect for Emily, and it hit her that Emily would usually have been the one shopping with her rather than Sydney, their other friend from the swim team.

It wasn't as if they had made a conscious decision to see less than each other, and there hadn't been single thing that came between them. It had been a combination of factors. Swim season ended, and they no longer spent hours training together - hours that were followed by meals together that stretched into late-evening study sessions. Since they were pursuing different majors, taking different classes, they naturally began studying with other people from their classes, and new friendships sprang from that. And they began to hang out with other members of the team, as well.

They were still close, though. They still kept in contact through texting and messaging. Whenever they ran into each other at the cafeteria or the pool, they picked up right where they left off, still laughing at the same things and finishing each other's thoughts. They were still _Paily_ , as it were. And, yet, Paige couldn't help thinking that there was something else; _someone_ else.

She had seen the pattern in high school; a close friend started dating, and, of course, as she invested in that relationship, there was less time for her to invest in the friendship. She was still friends with those other girls, but it was different. There was definitely a sense of loss. That was the sense that Paige got when she realized how far she and Emily had drifted.

Emily hadn't said anything to Paige about a relationship, but, actually, it made sense to Paige that she wouldn't. It didn't seem like Emily to flaunt her relationship in front of Paige. And it was probably hard for her to acknowledge that her friendship with Paige was going to have to take a backseat, so she just quietly let it die.

Paige may have had her doubts about whether or not Emily was actually dating, but there was one thing that she knew for sure: If Emily _was_ dating, she wasn't dating Matt. Or any guy, for that matter. A run-in that she had had with Hanna shortly after the football incident made that abundantly clear. Hanna, very loud and animated - and with the help of some extremely colorful language - told her in no uncertain terms that Emily wasn't interested in boys. While she was chewing Paige out, Hanna kept her promise not to say anything to her about Emily's feelings for her. Instead, she just kept coming back to the theme of how stupid Paige was.

But Paige already knew that. She had a good deal of experience hearing it. She could count on getting the same kind of lecture that she was getting from Hanna from her father back in high school, whenever her grades or her times slipped. And she handled the dressing-down from Hanna exactly as she had learned to handle it when it came from Nick McCullers: She stood there, steely-eyed and stoic, and took it. Then, when it was over, she walked away and reset her expectations a notch or two lower. In the case of Nick's lectures, she accepted that she wasn't deserving of one of the two or three full-ride scholarships that Stanford offered to its incoming women's swim team every year. In the case of Hanna's, that she wasn't deserving of a relationship with someone like Emily Fields.

* * *

Paige got the confirmation that Emily was, in fact, dating one day on her way home from class, when she ran into Emily and stopped to chat. Emily was with a girl, but she didn't introduce the girl to Paige. The girl was a little shorter than Emily, and a fair bit heavier, but she carried it well. Her build wasn't really athletic; it was more buxom. She looked like the kind of girl a rock star would date: a tanned, platinum blonde with a breasts that were more than a handful. A couple of inches taller, and she could've been a model on one of those calendars you'd see in a motorcycle club or in the boys' room at a seedy bar. She wore chunky heels to give her some height and elevate the section of her jeans that her butt was crammed into. The jeans were dark blue and, of course, ripped. She paired them off-white top that showcased her tanned arms and neckline, and was cropped to tease glimpses of her navel. Paige had the feeling she'd seen the girl before, but she couldn't imagine where. She didn't seem to be the kind of person who would run in her circles - or Emily's, for that matter. She didn't seem like the kind of girl Emily would waste her time with. But maybe that was just Paige's jealousy.

Paige kept making eye contact with the girl, waiting for Emily to introduce her, but Emily acted as if the girl wasn't even there. Paige, when she realized that no introduction was coming, finally looked over and greeted her. Emily shifted her position, angling her body towards Paige like a screen, and quickly switched the conversation back to a dialogue between the two of them.

The girl, apparently, had someplace to go. Or maybe she was just annoyed at being shut out of the conversation. Whatever the reason, she reached for Emily's hand, to lead her away. Emily immediately wriggled out of her grip and put her hand in her pocket, to prevent a second attempt at grabbing it. She stole a glance at Paige, hoping that Paige hadn't noticed that little exchange, although it would have been impossible for her to miss it. Not that Paige even needed to see what had happened to figure out that there was something between them. The odd way that Emily was acting (not to mention the fact that the girl's head looked as if it were about to explode from the way she was being ignored) had already told her all that she needed to know.

Emily was acting odd because of shame. She wasn't ashamed of the girl, but, rather, of the fact that she had done things behind her best friend's back, creating a secret from Paige when there was no good reason for her to. She told herself that she kept it secret to spare Paige's feelings - as if Paige felt anything for her and would have been driven to fits of jealousy. But the real reason that she kept it secret that, deep down, there was a part of her that didn't want Paige to know that she was no longer on the market. Even if it flew in the face of reality, Emily wasn't ready to let go of the dream that she and Paige could, somehow, someday, end up together.

* * *

Emily had some explaining to do, when she and Ashley got back to her room.

"Are you ashamed of me?" Ashley asked, her voice full of venom.

"No, of course not! It's just... Well, Paige..."

"She has a thing for you?" Ashley asked, suddenly sympathetic to Emily's predicament.

"No, that's not it." Even though Ashley had given her a believable out, Emily couldn't slander her best friend like that. She didn't want Ashley to think that Paige was pathetically pining for her. After all, if Paige had been interested in her, they would've been together. And she couldn't let Ashley know that part, either; couldn't tell her that she still had feelings for Paige. So, she just started talking, hoping that the right words would come to her, somehow. "It's just... well, she's my best friend, and... you know, it can get awkward between friends," Emily rubbed Ashley's shoulder as she continued, "when someone else becomes closer."

"Oh, yeah," Ashley said, "like Hanna."

Things between Ashley and Hanna were strained, to say the least. But it wasn't because Hanna felt jealous or threatened. It was because Hanna knew enough about Emily's feelings to know that Emily was living a lie; settling for Ashley instead of going after the person she really wanted. And Hanna had told her as much: It wasn't fair to her or to Ashley for Emily to pretend that she didn't have feelings for Paige. Even if moving on was the right move for Emily, she had no business being with Ashley when she hadn't moved on.

Emily disagreed, arguing that the only way for her to get over her unreturned feelings was to focus them on someone else.

They couldn't come to agreement on the subject. And Hanna ended up taking it out on Ashley in the most unsubtle of ways - to the detriment of her relationship with Emily.

* * *

Paige walked home in a fog and closed the door to her bedroom. She sat cross-legged on the bed with her ear buds in and listened to "Wild Horses" by the Rolling Stones over and over. She let the music wash over her; let it drag her down to the dark place where it lay. It wasn't even the tale that was being told by the words of the song, but, rather, the steady, unrelenting melancholia of the guitar, and Mick Jagger's plaintive voice that resonated with Paige's mood. Similarly, there were no clear words to define what Paige was feeling or why, but just an unrelenting pulsation of sorrow and loss.

Paige didn't know how long she had sat there, not thinking; just feeling. But when the thoughts came, they came in a flood, too fast for Paige to make sense of them.

She was being stupid. She and Emily were friends, nothing more. And you don't get jealous of friends. Paige had never been jealous when Emily started hanging out with Sydney. Emily was never jealous of Shana. So, why should Paige be jealous of – she realized that she didn't even know the girl's name.

_Why hadn't Emily told her about the girl? And why didn't she introduce them? How long had they been together?_

She felt betrayed. She angrily jerked the buds out of her ears and started doing some research.

Facebook told her that the girl's name was Ashley. She was a freshman, too; Sydney's roommate. Paige stopped stalking them when the cutesy, couple-y pictures of her and Emily became too much for her to take.

"Ashley," Paige thought. "Together, their name would be 'Ashily'." Paige laughed out loud. She had never heard anything stupider. That thought jarred her back into reality. She was being a douche. Emily was her friend. Paige needed to start acting like a friend. She pulled up facebook again and liked a couple of pictures of Emily and Ashley. Then, she fired off a text.

**so... anything you want to tell me? :D happy for you, girl!**

Paige's phone rang almost immediately. Emily was talking softly at first, until Paige heard the sound of a door closing. It killed Paige to realize that, while she had been sulking alone in her room, Emily was somewhere hanging out with Ashley.

Emily apologized for not having told Paige about Ashley. Paige could almost hear the tears on the other end of the line as Emily told her that she didn't even know why she hadn't said anything. "You're my best friend," Emily insisted, "and best friends tell each other things..."

"Don't be silly," Paige told her. She didn't want an apology, she said; she wanted details. She was a good enough friend to lie; a good enough friend to sit there and take it as Emily told her all about Ashley: How they got together (set up by Sydney), their first date (a Drexel Gospel Choir concert, followed by dessert), and all of the quirky, special things that she liked about Ashley.

And Paige just sat there and took it. Maybe it wasn't that she was a good friend. Maybe she was just a big sucker. Whatever the reason, she took it with the same stoic, steely-eyed determination with which she had taken the dressing-down from Hanna and the many others from her dad.

The room was dark and cold, like her mood. When Emily finally finished and got off the phone, Paige found no consolation in the knowledge that Emily was going back to Ashley's arms.

And Paige was going back to Mick Jagger - and her empty bed.

* * *

"What's up with you?" Pru asked after a few minutes of maneuvering around a cranky Paige in the kitchen.

"Nothing," Paige said, shooting Pru an angry glare before she caught herself. Pru was going to find out, anyway. She dropped her shoulders and her voice. "I, um... ran into Emily yesterday," she said with a shrug.

Pru's face turned into a condescending ball of sympathy. "With Ashley?"

Paige's back straightened. "You knew?"

Pru nodded. "I noticed that Emily hadn't been coming around, so I did some research."

Paige slammed her mug down on the counter a bit too forcefully, and hot coffee splashed onto the counter and her hand. "Why didn't you say something?"

"Paige..."

Paige shook her head angrily, crossing her arms in front of her. "You should've told me, Pru."

Pru tilted her head and put hand on Paige's arm. "Really?"

Paige sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I guess not," she said softly.

"I'm so sorry."

"No," Paige shook her head. "It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry for _you_ ," Pru clarified. "Are you all right?"

Paige just shrugged. After a while, she said, "I will be," convincing herself that she wasn't lying. She _would_ be okay. She would have to be; there was no alternative. It would just take time.

"Ashley..." Pru said the name derisively. "She's got nothing on you."

Paige scoffed. "You don't have to do this, Pru. As much as I appreciate it."

Pru nodded, giving Paige a hug. "It's true, though. Paige, you're so much better than her."

"Thanks, Pru." Paige was sort of feeling better and sort of wanting to cry at the same time.

Pru backed away, tilting her head to the side as she looked at her roommate. "I swear, Paige, if I were gay..."

"And now you've ruined it," Paige said, amiably pushing Pru out off to the side. "I'm okay," she assured her in a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just for the record, although most of this story is based on stuff from my life, the part about lectures from an overbearing father is not... I was blessed with wonderfully supportive parents, and I can only blame my fear and ineptitude on myself! :)
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	9. Hanna-fied

Once Hanna found out that Paige knew about Ashley, she started cozying up to Paige. There was a part of her that wanted to make sure that Paige was okay. She knew how Paige felt about Emily, and how difficult it must have been on her. On a level that Hanna wasn't really aware of, though, she was doing it for Emily. Hanna knew Emily better than anyone else did - better, in some ways, than even Emily did - and she was convinced that Emily was meant to be with Paige. Even though she wouldn't do anything out of line and overtly push them together, subconsciously, pushing them together was precisely her goal. So, she stayed close to Paige, hoping for subtle opportunities to make the case that it was still okay for her to have feelings for Emily; that there was still hope, if she hung in there and rode out the storm.

But what was, perhaps, the greatest reason for Hanna's friendship with Paige eluded her entirely. Hanna desperately needed a best friend, and, with Emily out of the picture because of their feud, she went after Paige.

The irony wasn't lost on Emily. She didn't know whether it felt more like a slap in the face or a knife in the back for Hanna to do the very thing that Hanna was pissed off at her for doing: Go after a substitute, when the real thing wasn't available. Whatever it was, it hurt like hell to have lost both of her best friends because of her relationship with Ashley.

Paige was skeptical when Hanna first showed up at her door, with a confident smile and a peace offering. The last interaction the two of them had had was anything but peaceful. Paige's ears were still reverberating from the yelling she'd endured.

"Well?" she said, not trying to hide how annoyed she was.

"I come bearing gifts," Hanna announced cheerfully, opening the lid on a bowl of a pasty, rough gooey substance. "It's hummus," Hanna explained. "I made it myself! I did my research, and you can't deny that the lesbians love it!"

It took Paige a moment to figure it out. "Are you sure your research wasn't about _Lebanese_?"

"Oh, whatever! Look, the point is, I'm here, I brought you food, and are you going to let me in?"

Paige came to understand that Hanna was as honest as a little child when it came to her feelings. When she was angry, as she was the last time they'd seen each other, she didn't hide it. And when she was over it and wanted to be friends again, she just assumed everyone would be on-board with that fact

Paige rolled her eyes. "Whatever," she echoed, tumbling back into her apartment with a nod indicating that Hanna could follow.

Paige didn't quite know what to make of her new friend. Hanna was a handful. It was a good thing, Paige thought, that swimming was over for the season, because Hanna needed a lot of attention. It took up a lot of Paige's time.

Over time, Hanna learned how to tone things down a little, to accommodate Paige's sensibility. But Hanna wasn't the only one who made some adjustments for their friendship. There was no denying that Hanna's influence had a positive effect on Paige. She helped get Paige out of her post-Emily funk; out of her room; out of her comfort zone; out of her shell.

* * *

"It's not the first time," Hanna said casually, applying the polish that she had somehow persuaded Paige to allow her to decorate her nails with. They were sitting across from each other on Paige's bed, and Paige was wondering how she had allowed herself to get talked into it. But, in reality, she knew. Hanna had just worn her down, as usual. Paige put up a noble fight, but she and Hanna both knew that Hanna would be able to outlast her resistance.

"No?" Paige didn't know what Hanna was talking about, but she'd learned to let Hanna go with it, and, eventually, she would be able to pick up on where she was going.

"No. It's not the first time that an Ashley has come between me and Em."

"Uh huh."

Hanna let go of the polish and Paige's hand in frustration, as if Paige should've known what she was talking about. "My Mom - hello? Ashley Marin?" She tapped the heel of her palm against Paige's forehead, as if to jumpstart Paige's brain.

"Oh, yeah, your mom." Paige had no idea that her mom's name was Ashley, but going with the flow was faster than trying to argue with Hanna.

Hanna resumed her art project on Paige's nails. "Well, yeah. When Emily first came out, my Mom tried to keep me from hanging out with her. But it wasn't the gay thing, though." Hanna gave Paige an accusing stare, as if Paige were judging her mother to be a homophobe.

"No, of course not," Paige agreed.

"No. It was Maya. She didn't think that Maya was a good influence." Hanna shrugged. "Turns out she was right."

"So, Emily's dating someone with the same name as your mother." Paige threw it back into Hanna's court, to let Hanna carry the load of the conversation.

"I know, weird, right?" Hanna sounded enthusiastic that Paige found it weird, too. "Too bad _your_ mom's name isn't Ashley!"

"Yeah," Paige chuckled. She wasn't really listening, so she didn't get what Hanna was implying. It didn't take her long to catch up. "Wait, what?"

Hanna squeezed the wrist that she was holding to keep Paige's fingers in place and shot her a knowing smile.

* * *

It wasn't long before Paige began truly enjoying her friendship with Hanna. And that was a problem. The closer they became, the harder it was for Paige to fight the nagging feeling that she was, somehow, cheating on Emily - and, even worse, that she was cheating on Emily with Emily's best friend. It seemed a bit fucked up. She would never do that with a girlfriend; date Ashley, for example, if Emily broke up with her. Paige knew that it wasn't the same thing, but, still, it didn't sit right.

Paige made the first move, with a simple text: "miss you," plus a sad face. Soon, they were smiling as they texted back and forth, and, by the time it was over, Paige had invited Emily for dinner. She included Ashley in the invitation, of course. She wanted to keep everything on the up and up. And, with her new self-confidence, the result of her time spent with Hanna, she wasn't bothered by the prospect of playing the role of lonely spinster to Emily and Ashley's happy couple. She really did want to get to know Ashley. She wanted to get to know every aspect of her friend's life. But Emily declined - or, rather, deferred. - the offer to include Ashley. There would be plenty of time for Paige to get to know her. Emily wanted Paige to herself for the evening. They had a lot of catching up to do.

* * *

"Why does it feel as if I'm releasing you back into the arms of your ex?" Ashley asked sadly.

Emily resisted the urge to roll her eyes. _Well, in order to do that, you'd actually have to release me_ , she thought. Ashley had a tight grip around Emily's waist, being not just emotionally but physically clingy.

"Ash, it's not like that. It was never like that. Paige and I were never anything more than friends." _For the thousandth time._

Emily started to wonder how much of her separation from Paige had been Ashley's doing; whether, if she had been dating someone a little less insecure, that person wouldn't have pulled her away from Paige. It was never anything overt on Ashley's part, but, looking back on their time together, Emily started to realize how Ashley had slowly, subtly, built walls to fence her in. She suddenly felt constricted. She wriggled out of Ashley's grip, still holding onto her hands. "Really. Paige wants to meet you. I just thought that I owed it to her to spend some one-on-one time together again. You can understand that, right, Ashley?" Emily said it in such a way that Ashley would have to make a choice – either loosen the reins or put her cards on the table and explicitly forbid Emily from seeing Paige. Emily was tired of the games Ashley was playing, trying to make it seem that pulling away from Paige was Emily's idea and not hers.

Ashley gave her a kiss. "I trust you," she said, but her tone and her kiss said something different. The kiss felt desperate, as if Ashley were trying to show Emily that she had something worth coming back for.

Hanna poked her head up as Ashley and Emily filed out of Emily's room and passed her on the couch. "Headed out?"

"Yeah."

Emily didn't feel the need to tell Hanna that she was meeting Paige - without her plus-one. Part of her wondered whether Paige had told her. It wouldn't have surprised Emily to find out that Paige had told Hanna, and Hanna didn't mention it. Such was the nature of their relationship, once Ashley entered the mix: A little more than roommates. A little less than friends.

* * *

Being with Paige again was like a breath of fresh air. In fact, it felt a lot like taking several large gasps of fresh air, right after being liberated from a small, poorly ventilated room.

And, in a matter of minutes, Emily found herself gasping for air literally; pounding her hand on the table, begging Paige to stop making her laugh so much. "I'm going to wet my pants," she exclaimed, too elated to care who might overhear. She had forgotten about Paige's dry sense of humor, and about how much fun they used to have, doing nothing special and just laughing together.

But there was something different about Paige. She was more self-assured and confident. It didn't take long for Emily to trace that back to Hanna. Paige, herself, acknowledged Hanna's influence. In a moment of self-awareness that caught Emily off guard, she found herself wondering how differently she, herself might have turned out if she hadn't had Hanna's influence on her life during her formative years. Perhaps she would have turned out more like Paige; always too afraid to risk her heart for a shot at happiness.

And, thus, in what was, perhaps, the biggest surprise to came out of the dinner, Emily realized that she would have to mend fences with Hanna.

* * *

Emily knocked on Hanna's door and pushed it open slowly, shyly poking her head in. "Hanna?"

Hanna laid her phone on the bedside table and sat up, cross-legged, with her hands in the lap of her bright red pajamas. "Hey, Em," she said, with a welcoming smile.

"Hey," Emily replied, only slightly gushing. She was surprised by Hanna's enthusiastic reaction. She hadn't seen it in a long time. But, Emily had made the first move, and Hanna respected that.

"What's up?"

"Aren't you going to ask me how dinner went?"

Hanna took a deep breath. There were only two reasons she could think of that Emily would want to talk to her about the dinner, given their recent history. The first was Ashley had proposed, but it seemed too soon for that. (Emily was twisting her intertwined fingers nervously, but, still, Hanna didn't see a ring.). The second was that they had broken up. Hanna steeled herself so as not to seem too happy when Emily announced that they were over. "How did dinner go?" she obliged.

"Hanna!" Emily's wide smile had Hanna confused. "She really didn't tell you?" Hanna shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head. Emily took two quick steps over to the bed and sat next to Hanna, mirroring her posture. "I had dinner with Paige!"

"You did?" Hanna's voice was high-pitched, and she hugged Emily. "So, how'd it go?" repeated, now eager for the answer.

"It was..." Emily sighed. She wouldn't have been able to get the smile off of her face if she tried. She was back with Paige _and_ back with Hanna. "Great," she answered.

"Great," Hanna echoed with a shriek. She hugged Emily from the side again, pressing her cheek against Emily's. "That's - ha - that's great, Em."

"Yeah, it was pretty great." Emily laughed at the only adjective they seemed to be able to come up with. She stayed in Hanna's embrace, with her head on Hanna's shoulder, for the twenty minutes or so that it took her to recap the evening. When, with a sigh, she finally lifted her head up, she rubbed the soft sleeve of Hanna's pajamas. "I've missed this," she said.

Hanna squeezed Emily's shoulder. "I have, too."

"I'm sorry that I shut you out. I'm sorry that I shut _Paige_ out. God - I can't believe how much I've missed out on."

"It's okay," Hanna assured her, hugging her again.

"I could see your influence in Paige," Emily asserted, nodding her head. She's definitely been..." Emily's face crinkled and she twisted her hands in the air in front of her as she looked for the word. "Hannafied," she concluded after some thought.

Hanna laughed for a couple of seconds, then stiffened up, pointing her finger at Emily. "You're not going to steal her back from me, are you?"

Emily bit her lip shyly and nodded her head. "I'm going to try," she said softly.

Hanna sighed melodramatically. "Fine," she said, pulling Emily close again. "As long as I get _you_ back."

"I'm back," Emily whispered, repeating definitively, "I'm back." With a soft, contented, "Mmmmm," Emily let herself melt into Hanna's embrace.

Without loosening her hold, Hanna whispered, "You're wishing I was Paige, right now, aren't you?"

"Shut up, Hanna!"


	10. Awkward Lunch

Emily was smiling as she looked back and forth between Ashley, sitting next to her, and Paige, on the other side of the table. Their dinner was going better than she could've hoped. She was elated that her best friend and her girlfriend were able to get along.

Things between her other best friend and Ashley weren't quite there yet. Actually, Emily and Hanna never really talked about Ashley anymore. They both knew how the other one felt, and they both knew that, no matter how much they talked about it, they weren't going to resolve anything. So, they agreed to disagree.

That made it a little more significant to Emily that Paige was making an effort with Ashley. And that things were going well. Emily was convinced that, if only Hanna were to make an effort, she and Ashley might find that they got along well, too.

But, for the evening, she was content to enjoy her dinner with the two of them, and to enjoy the anticipation of future get-togethers: the Three Amigas – or, even four, if Hanna could get over her hesitation.

* * *

"Whoops!" Emily exclaimed through a laugh, startled when the phone in her back pocket started vibrating. She pulled it out and scowled at the screen. Mouthing the word, "Sorry," with a sad smile, she explained, "It's my lab partner. I really need to talk with him." With a squeeze of Ashley's shoulder and a wink towards Paige, she set off for the restaurant's designated cell phone area.

"So, what was the life-event that made you realize that you wanted to devote your life to being a nerdy bio major?" Paige asked, smiling pleasantly as she picked up the thread of the conversation that the three of them had been having.

Ashley's eyelids narrowed and her expression went sour. Paige, defensively, sat back a little, immediately regretting the "nerdy" comment. She hadn't meant anything by it; Ashley herself had called it nerdy, in so many words - but Paige realized that she didn't know Ashley well enough to joke with her about it.

"What are your intentions towards Emily?" Ashley asked, her voice heavy with threatening accusation.

"Excuse me?" Paige smiled nervously.

"Do you think you're going to take her from me?"

Paige put her hands up. "Ashley, I..."

"I know you're Miss Hotshot-jock-swimmer, and I may just look like some brainless Barbie doll bimbo to you, but what Emily and I have is real, and, believe me, I'm not going to let you ruin it."

"I... believe me, I... " Paige was stammering, still trying to catch up with the Jekyll-Hyde scene that she had, somehow, become a participant in.

Ashley's face softened in an instant, and she affected a laugh, as if they had just shared a joke. Paige turned her head and took a quick glance over her shoulder, confirming her suspicion: Ashley had switched back to her non-psycho personality because Emily was heading back to the table.

"So, what'd I miss?" Emily said, giddy over the fact that the two had gotten along and were laughing even when she wasn't around.

Paige chuckled in shock and looked down at her lap. She had no idea what it was that Emily had missed. Whatever it was, it was definitely creepy.

"Oh, you know," Ashley said, with the the cool, jovial ease of someone who was used to lying. "Just the usual, 'Never would've guessed that someone with a body like that would be a biology major!'"

Emily's mouth opened wide in playful shock, and she squeezed Paige's shoulder. "Paige!" she said, chiding her for buying into that kind of stereotype. Paige just dipped her head with an embarrassed smile. She knew that Emily would interpret it as an admission of guilt, but she had no idea what to say.

"And, believe me," Ashley added with a seductive wink in Emily's direction, "I _definitely_ know what I'm doing, when it comes to biology!"

* * *

"What do I do, Pru?" Paige was pacing around the living room. "Do I tell Emily that she's dating a schizo?"

"What does your gut tell you?" Pru wasn't disinterested, but she was pretty sure that Paige wasn't asking because she wanted advice. Not yet, at least. Right then, the only thing that she wanted was a sounding-board.

"What if I tell her," Paige continued, not having registered Pru's response, "and she doesn't believe me? I mean, what if she thinks that I'm just trying to split them up? If she confronts Ashley, you know that Ashley's only going to deny it. And you know whom Emily's going to believe..."

"But that's not the question, though, is it, Paige?"

Paige let the hand which she had been rubbing her forehead with drop down to her thigh. "Then what _is_ the question, Pru?" she asked impatiently

"The question is, if it were you, would _you_ want to know?"

Paige sighed, pacing again. "I don't know, I don't know..."

Pru tilted her head. "Maybe you should ask Hanna."

"No!" Paige said emphatically. "I'm not going to put this burden on her! Her relationship with Emily has already been strained by this... Ashley... thing!"

"Okay - okay!" Pru put her hands up apologetically. "Don't get mad at me, Paige! I'm just trying to help!"

Paige sighed, sitting down on the couch next to Pru. "I'm sorry," she said, softening her tone. "I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated." She raised her hands up above her head. "Extremely frustrated."

Pru rubbed her back. "I know, Paige. I wish I knew what to tell you. Do you want me to..." Pru let it drop. She didn't know what she could even offer to do.

"No," Paige said, managing a smile as she patted Pru's thigh. "I'll just have to wait and let it play out. People can only hide who they really are for so long. Eventually, their true colors show."

"Aren't you worried that Emily will be mad at you if she finds out that you knew about this psycho and didn't say anything."

"Yeah," Paige said. "I am. And I'm worried she'll resent me if I tell her before she's ready to hear it. I'm just going to have to play it by ear - stay in Emily's life, be a good friend to her, and, if I sense that she's ready to hear the truth, tell her the truth."

Pru squeezed Paige's shoulder, to let her know that she was on her side. Paige patted her leg in thanks, and got up to head to her room.

"Paige?"

"Hmm?"

"She didn't really try that line about knowing biology, did she?"

Paige scoffed, shaking her head, hardly able to believe it herself.

* * *

Emily's vision of the Three Amigas never came to pass. Paige wasn't too eager to risk another one-on-one encounter with Ashley. She worried that she might say or do something that she (or Ashley - or Emily) would regret.

Emily assumed that the reason that Paige kept politely declining opportunities to get together was that she wasn't as comfortable being around her and her girlfriend as she wanted Emily to think.

For her part, Ashley couldn't have cared less what Paige's reasons were. She had successfully defended her territory. She was more than happy to have Emily all to herself.

Emily increasingly felt trapped. She didn't like having one life with her girlfriend and another with her other friends. The few times when she brought it up with Paige and Hanna, they insisted that there was nothing wrong; that they didn't have a problem hanging out with Ashley. Ashley, when Emily brought it up, just got all defensive and offended, so Emily let it drop.

That didn't mean that she gave up on the idea.

One afternoon, she headed to the cafeteria with Ashley, knowing there was a good chance that they'd run into Paige there. When she saw Paige, she waved and tugged Ashley in the direction of her table.

Ashley hung behind at the table when Emily headed over to the cafeteria line to get her lunch. "Do you want some company?" Paige offered, starting to stand up, but Emily waved her off.

"Don't let us interrupt your meal," Emily said pleasantly. "You can keep Ash company. I'll be right back, and then she can go." Emily smiled and twisted around, heading for the service area, satisfied that her plan was working. She knew that, if she could get them together again, they would hit it off again and remember how much fun they had together.

Left alone with Ashley, Paige focused her eyes on her plate and kept eating her lunch. She wasn't going to start anything.

"I might've figured," Ashley said bitterly.

Paige shook her head once and scoffed, but she remained silent.

"I know that you're still seeing Emily."

Paige rested her fork and almost looked up, but, instead, she shook her head again, determined to stay under control.

"You're not going to deny it?"

Paige jerked up, giving Ashley the evil eye. She took a breath, but the anger was still evident in her voice. "Okay, I don't know what your problem with me is, Ashley, but..."

"My problem is that I've got something good with Emily, and I don't need some skank..."

Paige leapt from her chair, and whatever Ashley was going to say next got stuck in her throat. Paige saw the terror in her eyes and backed off. "Wow. Okay... Wow. Ashley, you have a great life. Good luck with it." Paige grabbed her water bottle and downed it in a single gulp. She shrugged her jacket onto her shoulders and picked up her tray just as Emily made it back from the food line.

"Paige?" Emily was confused. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's good," Paige said, unable to mask her hostility. "I just forgot that I have to be somewhere, so..." Paige nodded at Emily and at Ashley and headed for the conveyor belt with her tray of mostly untouched lunch.

Emily turned to watch her go and then turned back to Ashley, who had a look of purest innocence. "Ash? What happened?"

"She... has 'to be somewhere,' " Ashley said, acting just as confused as Emily.

"Okay..." Emily said sliding into her seat. "I mean, it's just weird. We sat down, and everything was cool, and, I come back, and everything's...tense."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know - I just don't know what could've happened."

"Why are you blaming me?" Ashley spat.

Emily recoiled at the venom in her voice, but resisted her natural instincts to fight back. "If it sounds as if I'm blaming you," she said, keeping her tone even, "I apologize. I'm only trying to figure out why Paige ran out of here so upset all of a sudden."

"So, why are you taking her side?"

"I..." Emily groaned. Loud. She was beginning to attract attention. "You know what? Just forget it, Ashley. Let's just get out of here."

"But... but, we haven't eaten yet!"

"Fine." Emily slid her tray into the empty space in front of Ashley on the table. "You stay and eat." She was visibly shaken. "I'm finished."

"Emily!" Ashley grabbed Emily's wrist, but Emily gave her such an icy look that she let go. "I knew it," Ashley said bitterly, with her eyes narrowed. "I knew that woman was going to come between us!"

"No, Ashley," Emily said firmly. " _You_ came between us! You are the most insecure, needy person..." Emily took a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. "You need to learn to love yourself. You find someone and you latch onto her, hoping that she'll complete you, and then you squeeze the life out of her like a boa constrictor. You're never going to find what you need in somebody else if you can't find it in yourself. And I can't hang around waiting for you to find yourself any longer. I can't do this anymore. I can't breathe. You're suffocating me."

"You're breaking up with me?"

Emily's body relaxed. She sat next to Ashley. "Look, Ash. There's a lot that was good about us. But you're not ready for a relationship. And I... I can't keep doing this."

* * *

Emily was a jumble of emotions. She felt horrible for telling off Ashley in public like that. And she felt a sense of loss over the end of their relationship. At the same time, though, she felt relieved. But the feeling that dominated the others was concern – concern for Paige. Before she was out of the door, she had tapped in Paige's number and pressed her phone against her ear.

Paige's impulse was to ignore the call, because she didn't know how she could explain herself to Emily without hurting her. But she knew that she had to say something about lunch, starting with an apology."

"Hey, Em, I'm sor..."

"Paige! Are you okay?"

Paige wasn't expecting that question.

"Yeah, I just had to..."

"What happened?"

"I... um..." Paige's voice dropped, and she dropped her cover story. "You should really ask Ashley that."

"Where are you?"

"I'm at like..." Paige took a quick look around her. "38th and Market."

"Can I come by and..." - Emily took a calming breath - "can we talk about what happened?"

Paige was silent for a moment, torn between what she wanted to do and what she felt was better for Emily. When she responded, her voice came out slow and deep. "Emily, I don't think it's my place to..." Quickly switching gears, she added, her voice speeding up, "I mean, I don't want to keep you and Ashley from your lunch. We can talk later, after you..."

"I just dumped Ashley."


	11. Done

"Are you okay?" Paige asked, looking deep into Emily's eyes, her hands still on Emily's shoulders after she released her from the hug; her eyebrows knit in concern. Emily nodded, with a small smile. Paige closed her front door and pointed Emily towards the couch. As Emily headed over, Paige handed her the cup of tea that she had prepared for her after they spoke on the phone.

Emily managed a smile and held took the cup in her hands as she took her seat the couch. "I'm fine," she said, taking a sip. "It was... long overdue."

"What happened?"

"That's what I asked you," Emily said with a slight laugh.

"Oh, pssh." Paige rolled her eyes. She had almost forgotten her thing, her focus solely on what had happened to Emily. "She just told me to back off from you. Accused me of plotting something. Used some inappropriate language."

Emily sat with her mouth open in shock. Paige tried to laugh it off.

"Your ex has a real Jekyll-and-Hyde thing going on, you know. It was... unnerving."

Emily set her cup in its saucer on the table in front of her and took a calming breath.

"It... it wasn't the first time," Paige said softly, with a shrug.

Emily stood and pinched the bridge of her nose, her back turned to Paige.

"I... I'm sorry, Em." Paige stood, maintaining a couple of steps' distance between the two of them, giving Emily some space rather than reaching her hand out to comfort her. "I should've said something."

Emily turned, smiling darkly and shaking her head. "No. You shouldn't have had to. I should've been able to admit it to myself. When someone tries to be that controlling and manipulative - plus, she comes between me and my friends..." Emily lowered her head, resting her forehead in her palm. "Well, I should've paid attention. I should've listened to you and Hanna."

_Yeah, you should have._ It would've been easy for Paige to lecture Emily about how she should've picked up the signs and listened to her best friends. But she didn't have it in her to do that. Even though it had been a bad relationship, it was still a relationship that Emily had been emotionally invested in. The only thought in Paige's mind was protecting her and helping her to heal.

"Well, sometimes, it hard for us to see something that's right in front of us," Paige said, without a hint of irony. "Sometimes, it's only when we're able to take a couple of steps back that we can truly see what's been going on all around us."

Emily turned around, her arms outstretched for a hug. Paige gathered her in eagerly. For Emily, the hug was a thank-you to Paige for always being there; being whatever she needed. Paige took it as simply Emily's need for comfort and a connection. She led Emily back to the couch and wrapped her arm around her shoulder, silently, patiently waiting for Emily to signal whatever she needed next next. Emily, worn out by the weight of the thoughts that were swimming around in her head, scooted away from Paige so that she could lie down. She put a pillow in Paige's lap and laid her head down on top of it.

Lying there made her feel emotionally vulnerable. She was suddenly overcome with the intense desire to cry. She wasn't sure why. It certainly wasn't Ashley; at least not sorrow over Ashley. It may have been relief over Ashley. Or, perhaps, it was the feeling of safety and comfort as she lay there and Paige smoothed a hand over her hair.

Emily was glad that she had gone to see Paige instead of Hanna. The scene would have been quite different, had Hanna been involved. Hanna would be celebrating the breakup, saying, "I told you so," and talking smack about Ashley. At some point, Emily would need that, in order to be able to move on. But, at that moment, she needed to mourn her failed relationship; to wallow, for a minute. And Paige was there, as always, being exactly what Emily needed. She wasn't saying a word. She was just being the same steadying, calming influence that she was with the swim team, when nerves threatened to get the best of them in an important competition.

* * *

Emily didn't know how long she'd been lying there. She wasn't even sure that she was awake. All that she could say for certain was that it felt appropriate; right, somehow, for her to be there – in a way that it never had with Ashley. She knew what Hanna would have had to say about that, if only Hanna had been able to see her at that moment. After a couple of fist-pumps, some giggling, and a hand-clap, Hanna would nod her head in Emily's direction and tell her to go for it. Emily's heart raced at the thought, and Paige's hand stopped, coming to rest on Emily's arm; almost as if Paige had sensed the change in energy.

The moment felt right. Emily pushed herself up from the pillow on Paige's lap. "Paige…"

"Shh," Paige whispered, softly easing Emily's head back down and resuming the movement of her hand over Emily's hair. "I know," she said quietly.

And that's when the tears took over. _She knew._ Of course, Paige knew. Emily had never been subtle about what she felt for Paige. Paige knew, but Paige wasn't interested. As close as they were in that moment, emotionally and physically, Paige was still just a friend, comforting her as a friend.

* * *

Paige hoped that Emily hadn't heard the tremble in her voice when she replied; that Emily couldn't feel the tremble in her limbs. She was overwhelmed with a feeling of guilt. Emily had come to her at her most vulnerable time, and all that Paige could concentrate on was the weight of Emily's head on her legs; the softness of Emily's hair underneath her fingers; the tight grip that Emily had on her other hand. If Emily had known what was going through her head, she would probably have slapped her in the face, and never spoken to her again. (Well, no, Paige realized. Emily would forgive her, eventually. That's the kind of person Emily was.)

And yet, Paige knew that she wasn't taking advantage of the situation. Being honest with herself, she knew that she was doing the things that she was doing purely for Emily, and not for her own desire. Paige knew where she stood with Emily; that she would never have Emily's heart; would never be promoted from the friend-zone. She was trying to be okay with that. But there, in that moment, with Emily's muffled sobs in her lap, it wasn't about being okay. It was only about being there.

* * *

Emily wasn't ready to face Hanna yet. She had been through enough emotions for one day. Paige fed her dinner and offered her Pru's room for the night, since Pru was away for the weekend. Emily nodded and started towards Pru's room but turned around, on the verge of tears again. She didn't have to say a word. Paige knew that Emily couldn't sleep alone that night.

"Have you told Hanna?"

Emily shook her head.

"I should let her know that you're okay."

Emily nodded. "And you can let her know," she said weakly, "about the breakup."

Paige nodded and dug up something for Emily to wear. While Emily got changed in the bathroom, Paige texted Hanna.

* * *

It was hard for Paige to sleep that night. She and Emily had become very close, but nothing prepared her for lying in bed so _physically_ close to Emily, holding hands across Emily's waist, their bodies pressed together. As she lay awake, there were times when she wanted to roll over onto her back and take a breath, to relieve some of the tension of. But she stood her ground. After all that had happened, she would not risk having Emily wake up in the night and think, even if only for a moment, that she was alone.

The next morning, Paige walked Emily to her apartment, hugging her before she went inside. Hanna greeted her on the other side with another hug. She held onto Emily's hands and asked how she was.

"Fine," Emily said and meant it. She added, in the biggest understatement of her life, "Paige helped."

Emily filled her in about lunch and the breakup. She told her the truth - that she had gone to see Paige to make sure that Paige was okay. And she told her that Paige let her cry on her shoulder and made dinner for her, and left it at that. She didn't mention that she had almost confessed her feelings for Paige, or that they had shared a bed. Paige had made it clear that she didn't return Emily's feelings, and Emily didn't want to hear Hanna say otherwise.

* * *

The end of freshman year couldn't have come fast enough for Emily. She was so ready to get away from campus and get back to Rosewood. Even though going away to college and living on her own had been as new and exciting as she had anticipated, she needed a break: a break from her studies, a break from the workouts (although she still had summer training to keep up with), and a break from the drama.

Emily realized that she needed to take her own advice – the advice that she had given Ashley about not trying to find completion through somebody else. Looking back, she could admit that she had only been with Ashley because she didn't want to be alone, and that she had put up with a lot of things that were obviously unhealthy just so that she could hang onto that relationship.

Hanna had been right when she told her that she deserved better than Ashley. In the end, Emily learned that, sometimes, it's better to be single; that having nothing was better than having something negative. She began to embrace her single life and enjoy being who she was.

So, summer, couldn't have come at a better time for her. It would have been harder to convince herself that being single wasn't so bad if she were still on campus, where she ran into Paige all the time. But, even though she didn't have that distraction, she still had Pam Fields to contend with.

Pam was a natural matchmaker, but, not only that; she had become accustomed to seeing Emily with someone. In high school, the times when Emily was unattached were few and far between. Also, with her only child away at college, and her husband on duty in Texas, things got to be pretty lonely for her in Rosewood. It gave her too much time to dream.

When Emily tried to tell her mother that she no longer had relationship goals, Pam was skeptical. "I used to say that, too," she said, with the wisdom and condescension that come with being a mother. "But it's okay to admit that you want someone to cuddle with, to watch bad, predictable romantic movies with, to stay up all night on the phone with…"

Emily sighed, and looked up at the ceiling, trying to come up with a way to say what she was feeling in a way that her mother would understand. "I'm not saying that I'm anti-relationship, Mom. I'm just saying that, after Ashley," (Pam rolled her eyes at the mention of her name.) "I just need a break. I'm enjoying life. I've learned that I don't need a girl to make me whole. I can be whole all by myself."

"Okay, but if the right girl came along…" Pam smiled mischievously. "Someone like… _Paige_?" Her words were heavy with insinuation, and she hugged Emily from the side as she said the name.

Emily was confused. "Paige? Why would you say Paige?" She had talked with Pam about Paige before, of course, but she thought that Pam had dropped that idea after Thanksgiving - especially since Emily never really talked about Paige after that weekend.

"Because!" Pam was still smiling like someone who was in on a secret that she wasn't supposed to know. "I've seen the pictures of you two and the way you look at each other, and all the fun you have together…"

Emily sighed. "Mom, Paige and I are…" She groaned, turning her head and gesturing with her hands towards no one in particular. "Look, Paige doesn't think of me that way. Trust me."

"Well, Emmy, maybe you can't see it. Sometimes, it's hard to see what's right in front of you. But, if you showed Paige some interest…" Pam raised her eyebrows suggestively.

Emily chuckled bitterly. "I did," she said, tightening her lip. "I invited her over and made her dinner, I asked her out. I even…" Emily rolled her eyes. "… shamelessly flirted with her the first time we met." She shook her head, embarrassed at how she had just thrown it out there, only to watch Paige walk away. "Trust me," she repeated, "Paige isn't interested."

Pam tensed up in shock. "Really?" Emily shrugged her shoulders. Pam reached for a lock of her hair, straightening it with her fingers. "What's wrong with this girl?"

"I don't know," Emily put her hands up in frustration and let them drop against her thighs with a loud slap. "Maybe she doesn't like girls! Maybe I'm not her type!"

"Oh, Emmy!" Pam released the strand of Emily's hair and pulled her in for a hug. "As Hanna would tell you, you're _every_ girl's type!"


	12. Pru's Clues

Paige, hundreds of miles away, on the other side of the state, spent most of her summer pining. She couldn't get Emily Fields out of her thoughts, as much as she wanted to. She was looking forward to Pru's visit. She could really use the distraction.

Pru did not disappoint. From the moment she pulled into Paige's driveway, she was a bundle of energy, talking a hundred miles an hour about what she wanted to do and see while she was with Paige for the week.

The first order of business was shopping. Pru had put on a couple of pounds over the course of her freshman year, and none of the summer clothes that she had planned to take with her on her visit fit correctly anymore. Shopping was near the bottom of Paige's list of favorite things; only slightly higher than cleaning up a toxic waste spill or sitting through a rom-com with a room full of weepy girls. Add in the fact that she had to shop with someone else, and she probably would've opted for cleaning up the toxic waste spill. (It didn't help to know that, with Pru in town, there was probably at least one rom-com in her future, too.)

But Paige put up with it. It was, after all, something to take her mind off of Emily.

After a couple of hours, the only thing on Paige's mind was getting out of there. The department store was large, covering a square block with four levels. And Pru explored every one of them. She even hit the men's department, going for a look that she called "boyfriend chic." Paige wandered an aisle or two away from Pru, pretending that she wanted to find a top, just so that she could get away from Pru's chattering for a couple of minutes. She was trying to come up with a credible way of faking an injury when she noticed a tall, slender redhead carrying a purple top on a hanger, heading in her direction. She had seen the girl around, off and on, during their shopping marathon. Apparently, she was in the market for the same things that Pru was, because Paige kept noticing her out of the corner of her eye, on every floor they visited. The other times, there was another girl with her, and they were giggling a lot. They would've made great shopping companions for Pru, but Paige couldn't figure out how to make the switch. At any rate, the girl was now by herself. As she got closer to Paige, in the narrow aisle between the racks of clothes, Paige tried to step aside and let her walk by, but the girl stopped right in front of her.

"Excuse me, um, but… I" – the girl giggled – "I hope you don't mind, but…" she giggled again. "I was wondering – do you think this color is too… loud?" Paige seemed confused, so the girl continued. "You know, for my… um… complexion?" She held the top next to her face and smiled like a timid contestant in her first beauty pageant.

"Oh, uh…" Paige chuckled nervously, "Gee – I don't really know…" Paige pivoted, looking around for Pru. "Uh, Pru?" Turning back to the girl, she explained, "She's much better at this kind of thing than I am."

Pru poked her head up to see what Paige needed. The redhead gasped. She ducked her head, hiding it behind the blouse, to cover her embarrassment. "Oh – God! I'm so sorry!" she said, backing away. "I didn't know that you were with…" She smiled apologetically at Pru, who was trying to catch up with what was happening. "I'm really sorry – I… I _never_ do this!"

The girl tossed the hanger onto the nearest rack and trotted off in the direction from which she'd come.

Paige furrowed her eyebrows and looked at Pru, shaking her head rapidly. "Weird!"

Pru punched her in the shoulder. "Paige!"

"Huh?"

"Go tell her that we're just friends!"

"Why?"

"Go get her phone number!"

"I'm not just going to ask some random woman for her phone number!"

"Ugh!" Pru put her hands on Paige's shoulders. "You have to be shitting me! You can't possibly be this dense!"

"Dense?"

"She. Was. Flirting. With. You!"

"She was fl… Huh?"

'Ugh!" Pru's groan was loud and long. "Paige McCullers, I swear, you don't even deserve a girl like Emily!"

* * *

When they stopped for lunch, Pru kept pointing out women – and men – who were checking Paige out. Paige found it hard to believe.

"Why do you think they smile at you and look away quickly?"

"Well, that's normal. I do it myself when I'm, you know, just staring off into space," - Paige moved her head around to illustrate what she was talking about - "thinking about something, and my eyes happen to fall on someone just at that moment when she looks up."

"Paige… hello?" Pru rapped her fist on Paige's forehead. "Is anybody home?"

"What? Did I just miss something obvious?"

"Have you seriously never heard of flirting?"

"I've heard of flirting, Pru. You walk over to someone and you give her a line, and see whether or not she's interested."

"Okay, that's how _guys_ flirt, but do you know how girls flirt?"

"Uh… not the same as guys, I'm guessing?" Paige cowered as Pru threw a napkin at her.

"Look. That girl? The one who asked you about that top?" Paige nodded. "Imagine if that had happened to Emily Fields!"

"Oh, yeah, then she'd be..." Paige's mouth dropped open and her shoulders slumped. She had the look of someone who felt blood on her shirt and only then realized that she'd been shot. "Shit, Pru..."

"Exactly," Pru said, sitting back in her seat, satisfied that she had finally gotten her point across.

Paige sat back, too, feeling helpless and defeated. Emily had been flirting with her all that time. And she hadn't responded at all. She must've made Emily feel like such a fool. And Emily probably hated her for being so callous about her feelings.

Paige's whole demeanor changed after that epiphany. She kept replaying all the scenes of her and Emily in her head, cursing herself for being so blind to Emily's advances, and for being so fearful of what might happen if she took a chance with Emily. She really wished she could get a do-over; wished for a time machine, or some way to rewrite the script. Her high school swimming coach always used to tell her to make the most of every opportunity - in the weight room, in the pool, and in competition - because you may only get one shot at greatness. Most people never get even one chance, and very few get more than that. Emily had given her several chances, and she had squandered them all.

But, at that point, Paige realized, it wasn't even about getting another shot. Even if she took a chance when she got back to Drexel, it was probably too late. After all of their history, she knew that Emily wouldn't take her seriously as girlfriend-material. She needed a fresh start; a clean slate. It wasn't a time machine that she needed. She needed a neuralyzer.

Pru was not happy with this new version of Paige. She only had a couple of weeks to spend with her, and she wanted to make the most of them. She wanted young-and-fun Paige, not this moody, gloomy creature, Paige McDowner.

The night out that they had planned ended up being pizza and some wine from Paige's parents' liquor cabinet. The wine only made Paige more sullen. When it really kicked in, Paige ended up in her boxers and tank top, singing into her hair brush on the improvised karaoke stage that her mattress had become.

' _Cause I could've been your girl_  
And you could've been my four-leaf clover  
If I could do it over  
I'd send you the pillow that I cry on

Those were the only words that Paige knew of the song, so she just sang them over and over. Pru thought that whipping out her phone and shooting video would curb Paige's enthusiasm for performing, but, under the twin influences of wine and regret, Paige was too far gone to be concerned.

* * *

"Ugh. You look the way I feel," Pru said, shoving a plate of runny scrambled eggs in front of Paige, who was hunched over with her forehead slumped on the breakfast table. Paige took one whiff of the eggs and covered her mouth, fighting off a retch in the back of her throat. "Sorry!" Pru said, stretching out the word. She removed the plate from the table and replaced it with a glass of orange juice.

"I wish I could do it over, Pru."

Pru rolled her eyes. "So you could send her the pillow that you cry on?" Evidently, a night's sleep (actually, a night and a morning, by the time Paige stumbled out of bed and into the kitchen) hadn't improved Paige's disposition any. Pru had had just about all that she could take of Paige and the dark cloud that came with her. Unless she could find a way to get things back on track, it was going to be a long couple of weeks.

"I'm serious, though!"

"Paige, why are you acting as if it's over? You can still tell Emily how you feel."

"Not now. Not after everything. She'd laugh at me or spit on me or… I don't know what she'd do."

"Holy sh… This is ridiculous."

Pru grabbed Paige's phone from her hand. "Pru, what are you doing?"

"I'm putting an end to this!" Pru pointed the phone's display at her, holding it just far enough away that she couldn't grab it and end the call she had placed to Emily.

"Pru," Paige tried her best to be intimidating. "Give me my phone. Now!"

Pru held the device at arm's length away from Paige, just out of her reach. "It's ringing," she pointed out. "Either you're talking to her or I am!"

Paige heard Emily yell, "Hey, Girl!" and put her hand over Pru's mouth, to keep her from saying anything.

"Hey, Em!" Pru handed Paige the phone, and Paige took it off speaker. "How's it going?"

"Not bad," Emily said. "What are you up to?"

"Not much, just here with Prudence." Pru glared at Paige. Paige glared back.

"You're there with what?"

"You know, Prudence. My annoying friend. That's her real name."

Emily laughed, and the sound made everything right with the world. Paige laughed back, and, soon, they were back in the swing.

Paige and Emily had a lot of catching up to do. It had only been a month, but they found that they had really missed talking to each other. Not much had happened in either of their lives, So, they spent a lot of time talking about nothing. It didn't escape Paige's notice that Emily never said "What's up?" or asked why Paige had called. Apparently, Paige didn't need a reason. Emily was just happy to hear from her.

Paige finally gave in to Pru's prodding and, nervously, haltingly, dropped the big question. "So, how's your love life?"

"Huh?"

"I mean, are you… seeing anyone?"

"Oh." Emily laughed dismissively. "No, I… I think I'm through with that."

"You are?"

"You know, with Ashley, I think I just really wanted a girl. Any girl. I mean, I was never really single for long when I was in high school, and I guess I thought something was missing from my life, you know? But I think I needed to learn that… I don't know… – that I don't need to be in a relationship to be who I am… if that makes sense."

"Mm hmm."

"Yeah. So, I'm just enjoying life – enjoying _me_. It's kind of liberating. I mean, honestly, dating isn't even a goal for me, at this point."

"Yeah, that... sounds… liberating." Paige didn't know what to say, so she just repeated Emily's word.

Pru looked at her questioningly. Paige just smiled.

If Emily had known why Paige had asked, her answer would have been different. It was true that she wasn't looking for a relationship, but that decision was partly due to the fact that, she thought, Paige wasn't one of her options. So, she was firm and convincing when she said she was finished with relationships, not wanting Paige to think that she was a loser who couldn't find a girlfriend.

When Paige got off the phone with Emily, she held up a finger, signaling to Pru that she would need a minute, and headed to the bathroom.

Paige pushed the hair away from her forehead and looked at her reflection. She couldn't believe how stupid she'd been. She wondered when, exactly, it became too late for her to have a chance with Emily. She remembered that night in her bed, holding Emily close all through the night. _If I had said something... or kissed her_. She only wondered for a second or two. She remembered how vulnerable Emily was when she came to see her. She would never have taken advantage of her at her weakest. And, even if she had been that kind of person, she knew that it was no way to start a relationship. Emily might have put up with it for a little while, while she was healing, but, eventually, their relationship, if it had started there, would've ended up like her relationship with Ashley.

Thinking of Ashley made Paige wonder whether Emily had only pursued her for the same reason that she pursued Ashley: She didn't want to be alone. As far as that went, Emily might never actually have been interested in her, except as arm-candy or a beard. It kind of hurt to think that Emily just wanted _someone_ \- a warm body; any body would do - and not specifically Paige, but it also gave Paige a sense of closure. She no longer felt that she had blown a chance at something special with Emily. At worst, she had lost a chance to be Emily's make-do girlfriend; a fill-in, the same as Ashley had been. And that could have been disastrous for them, if things didn't work out. At least, the way things happened, Paige, unlike Ashley, still had Emily as a friend.

Paige splashed some water on her face and dried it off with a towel, preparing herself to face Pru.

When she returned to the kitchen, she gave Pru a hug. "Thanks, Pru."

"What for?"

"Well, first of all, for putting up with me when I went all… Sylvia Plath on you. But, mostly, for making me talk it over with Emily. It wasn't the outcome I'd hoped for, but it really helped."

"Yeah, well, I didn't do it for you; I did it for me. Because this has turned into the worst girls' trip ever!" Pru wasn't really so callous. She knew that Paige didn't want to talk about it yet.

Paige chuckled, putting her hands up. "Well, that all changes starting now!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Paige sang is "I Could've Been Your Girl," by She and Him.
> 
> Thanks for reading! :)


	13. New Year, New Look

"Paige?"

Paige turned around with a smile at the familiar, if somewhat tentative voice from behind her. "Emily!"

"I thought that was you," Emily said as they hugged. Backing away, she added, "This is a new look for you," and smoothed her fingers through Paige's short, blonde hair.

"Yeah, well, new year, new look," Paige said self-consciously, dipping her head.

"No, I like it!" Emily was picking at strands, teasing them into place. Each tug fired off nerve endings from Paige's scalp all the way to the pit of her stomach.

Paige shrugged her shoulders shyly. "Well, if nothing else, it'll be easier to tuck into a swim cap, so..."

"Yeah." Emily chuckled. "Or you could shave this side," she said, running her fingers over the hair on the left side of Paige's head and letting them come to rest there, "and dye the other side." There was a brief pause, and Emily chuckled again, trying to play it off as a joke; trying to stop her head from imagining the feeling of the closely shaven hair tickling against her thigh. She needed to change the subject – quickly. "So... uh - you look good – strong!" Emily raised her arms and flexed her biceps, to indicate what she was referring to.

"Yeah – my Dad got me a conditioning coach over the summer, to work on my upper body." Paige chuckled self-consciously. "And my thighs," she added. "Thought it might give me that extra bit of _oomph_ in the pool, you know?"

"Well, it worked!" Emily said admiringly, squeezing Paige's tricep to make her point.

It was a hot, humid August afternoon, and Paige was wearing a white, sleeveless top with a pair of losse-fitting maroon shorts that, between them, showcased the results of her work with the trainer.

"I guess," she replied with a smile, uncomfortable at receiving a compliment. "Anyway, so, if you need anyone to help you unload your car and tote the boxes up to your apartment... I'm your girl!"

 _Your girl._ Emily didn't let her heart linger on that thought. "I might just take you up on that," she said, giving Paige's shoulder another squeeze.

"Please do." Paige's voice was a low rumble, and she leaned her head in, to show that she meant what she had said.

"Okay!" Emily smiled eagerly. "I'll buy the pizza!"

* * *

Hanna, surprised to see Paige's blonde head peeking out above Emily's boxes when the door to their apartment opened, tossed aside the copy of _Vogue_ that she had been reading and leapt from her chair, bounding over to her.

"Paigey!"

Paige rolled her eyes at the name and set the boxes on the counter, steeling herself for the unavoidable hug. Hanna looked over Paige's shoulder while she hugged her, with her eyes opened exaggeratedly wide towards Emily. She mimed at grabbing Paige's tricep and mouthed, "Oh Em Gee!"

Hanna stood back and held Paige's face between her hands. "Paigey, you're totally blonde! I love it!"

Paige shrugged demurely. "Yeah, well... I heard they had more fun, so..."

"You heard right!" Hanna winked and gave Paige a high five.

Paige chuckled and started working on her escape plan. Tilting her head towards the door, she said, "Well, I'd better get back to work. Those boxes won't move themselves!"

Emily turned to follow, but Hanna grabbed her by the arm. Emily looked at her, confused, and turned back to Paige. "I'll, um... catch up with you, I guess."

Hanna closed the door behind Paige and practically yelled, "Shit, Em! Your girl is HOT!"

Emily didn't even have the presence of mind to deny that Paige was her girl. All she could do was bite her lip through a goofy smile and agree with Hanna's assessment. "Right?"

"So, you've got her doing your bidding, now?"

"She offered," Emily said with a shrug, "so I told her I'd buy her a pizza after."

"Say no more!" Hanna assured her, putting her hands up. "I'll make myself scarce!" Hanna gestured with her hand, mimicking a plane taking off. She shook her head and sighed. "It's just too bad that you're not interested in relationships, anymore."

"Oh, be quiet!"

* * *

"Okay, well, that's the last of them, I think." Paige lifted the hem of her shirt to wipe some perspiration off of her forehead.

"Paige, I can't thank you enough."

Paige waved off Emily's hug. It was a hot, humid Philadelphia day, and she felt too sweaty and gross. "I'm just going to dash back home, grab a quick shower, and change."

"Okay - I'll order the pizza."

"You don't have to go, Paigey!" Something told Hanna that, if Paige left, she'd find an excuse not to come back. "You can shower here. I'm sure we can find something in my closet or Emily's that you can slip into."

Paige, dubious, looked at Emily, who nodded. "Okay," she conceded. "Lead the way!"

"Wait," Emily reached for Paige's wrist. "What do you want on your pizza?"

Paige looked at Hanna deferentially. "Don't look at me," Hanna said, "I'm not staying!"

"Oh... uh... whatever you're getting is fine, then... uh, Em... Emily." Paige heard herself stumbling over her words. She had been relieved when she got to the apartment and saw Hanna there. Hearing that Hanna was leaving, though, she panicked. Without Hanna there to serve as a buffer, Paige worried that she would say something inappropriate and ruin what was just a friendly dinner. She and Emily were friends, and it wasn't the first time they'd eaten dinner alone. Somehow, though, the stakes seemed to be higher this time.

* * *

It was surreal enough, stepping out of Emily's shower and into Emily's clothes, still smelling of Emily's shampoo and body wash. Fortunately, Hanna always kept an unopened pair of panties on hand for emergencies, and they were close enough to Paige's size for her to make it work for a couple of hours. But she was on her own when it came to a bra. She had to choose between putting her sweaty sports bra back on and swinging free. The choice wasn't so difficult. Emily's oversized jersey was made to fit loose, so Paige figured she could pull off going braless. When she looked in the mirror, it seemed that she'd made the right decision. The three-quarter-length sleeves were a little snug, but the jersey was roomy in the places where Paige needed it to be.

Hanna gave Paige a quick hug on her way out, smiling when she realized that Paige wasn't wearing a bra. She made a quick detour to the living room and turned the air conditioner up a couple of clicks before she left.

Paige wasn't the only one affected by the fact that she was in Emily's clothes. Emily herself was having a hard time coming to grips with it. She seemed to keep finding excuses to touch her jersey - tickling her hand over the collar because the tag was sticking up, or tugging at the sleeve and saying, "Paige! You're going to stretch my sleeves out of shape with those ginormous muscles of yours!"

"So, this is what I have to look forward to," Paige asked with a shy laugh, "getting abused from now on, all because my Dad made me get a trainer?"

"The only thing getting abused here is my poor jersey! Seriously, Paige, it's cotton, not spandex!"

Paige tugged at the left sleeve, trying to create some room. "Sorry," she said with a sympathetic frown. "I guess it's a little snug, isn't it?"

"Not in the tummy," Emily said, patting Paige's stomach a couple of times before she tickled her fingers across it, giggling at the guilty pleasure of the action.

* * *

"Are you trying to get me tipsy?" Paige joked as Emily topped off her glass from the bottle of wine Hanna had scored from one of her upperclass connections.

Emily laughed. "I can clear off the table if you need a stage for another round of drunk karaoke."

Paige gasped and hid her face in her hands. "Pru!"

Emily laughed, consoling Paige by patting her shoulder. "It was cute!" Paige peeked between her fingers and ducked her head away again. Emily felt guilty for having brought it up. "I couldn't see anything," she said, her tone more subdued. "The video was all dark and fuzzy."

Paige wasn't drunk, but she had sipped enough wine to have her tongue loosened. "Sorry that you had to see it at all," she said. "I'd spent most of the night talking about you," she explained, "and, I guess, Pru finally got tired of it." Paige chuckled weakly.

"You were talking about me?" The news excited Emily, but she played it off as if she were teasing Paige about it.

Paige nodded her head with a smile. "But don't worry about it, though. I get how you feel about relationships after Ashley."

Emily was caught. She didn't know what she could say after all that she had said to Paige when they spoke on the phone. That she was just kidding? That she only said that because she didn't know that the chance of dating Paige was on the table?

Before she could say anything, Paige spoke again. "Believe me. I understand. You don't need a relationship. What you really, right now, need is a friend."

"Then, it's official," Emily said, forcing a smile. "We're friends."

* * *

Paige lurched forward a little on the couch, startled when her phone, which was sitting by her side, began to vibrate. She gave the screen a glance and stood, smiling apologetically to Emily. "Sorry – I need to take this." Emily smiled back and gestured to indicate that it was okay.

"Hi, Babe," Paige said evenly.

 _Babe?_ The smile slowly disappeared from Emily's face. Evidently, Paige had added more to her life just a new haircut and some muscles over the summer.

"Just eating a pizza with Emily," Paige announced, turning and giving Emily a wink as she said it. Emily, feeling guilty for eavesdropping on their conversation, pointed towards her bedroom, tilting her head that way, to let Paige know that she would give her and _Babe_ some privacy. Paige scrunched her nose dismissively and shook her head, gesturing for Emily to stay seated on the couch.

It may have been okay for Paige, but Emily wasn't so sure. She didn't really want to sit there and have to listen in as Paige talked to _Babe._ She started wracking her brain. _Babe_ had to be someone she knew - or, at least, someone who knew who she was - since Paige told her that she was with Emily.

"Yeah," Paige continued, "We got her all moved in, so we celebrated with a pizza… No," she added with a chuckle, "don't worry; I saved some energy for you!" Emily winced, despite herself. As if realizing how that sentence must have sounded, Paige quickly added, "For _your boxes_. Yeah, tomorrow about noon, right? Okay. I'll be ready… Give me a call when you're close to campus. All right… I love you, too, Shana."

_Shana._

Paige's voice had softened, sensually, not from shyness over the fact that Emily was there, when she said that last phrase. Hearing it, realizing that the phone call was winding down, Emily put her game face on. "So, you're just full of surprises this year, aren't you, McCullers?"

"Yeah, I guess," Paige said, looking down with a shy grin. "New hair, new look, new… relationship."


	14. The New Reality

Hanna came home to a dark apartment, some empty pizza boxes on the coffee table, and her roommate on the couch, alone, with a glass of wine. She huffed out an angry breath. Paige McCullers had done it to her roommate once again. Hanna felt like strangling her.

"Geez! Again, Em? God, exactly how stupid _is_ Paige McCullers?"

"No, Hanna. How stupid am I?"

Hanna sat next to Emily and took the wine glass from her hand, placing it on the coffee table. "Did you tell her how you feel?" she asked sympathetically.

"Nope." Emily grinned, despite her mood, as she added, "Thank God."

Emily grabbed for the wine glass, but Hanna moved it out of her reach.

"Emily!" Hanna wrapped her arm around Emily's shoulder, her forehead furrowed in concern. "Why not?"

"Didn't have a chance to," she answered, shaking her head. "Wouldn't have mattered." Hanna stared at her blankly. "She's with _Shana_ ," Emily said. The air went out of Hanna's sails, and she gave up the cat-and-mouse game of trying to keep Emily away from the wine glass. "They're in _love,_ " Emily announced bitterly.

"That bitch!"

"No, Hanna," Emily said evenly. "Paige is not a…"

"I'm talking about Shana!"

Emily smiled sadly. "Do you even _know_ Shana?"

"I know her well enough to know that she's a bitch!"

Emily shook her head. "It's not Shana's fault. It's mine. Going on and on with Paige about how I was through with relationships... I just drove her straight into Shana's waiting arms!"

"Ugh! What a slut!"

"Hanna," Emily pleaded, "please don't take this out on Shana. Or Paige. I've got no one to blame but myself."

"Okay, so, just go tell Paige that you changed your mind!" Emily scowled at her. "What?" Hanna asked, her hands spread out wide from her shoulders.

"She's with Shana now!" Hanna just shrugged her shoulders. "Are you serious?"

"Completely."

Emily scoffed. "So, you expect me just to go up to her and say, 'Oh – I was only kidding! I actually do want a relationship. Now, what do you say you dump Shana, and give me a shot?'?"

"Yes – that's exactly what I expect you to do," Hanna said, standing Emily up and pointing her towards the door.

"Hanna!" Emily wriggled out of Hanna's grip. "Are you OUT of your MIND?" Emily took the glass from Hanna's hand. "You've obviously been drinking more than I have!"

"You're the one who's out of her mind!" Hanna raised her voice to match the volume and urgency of Emily's. "The only thing that's obvious is that Paige still has feelings for you! She's had feelings for you since freshman year. She just… stupidly believed you when you stupidly told her that you didn't want another relationship after stupid Ashley!"

Emily was almost yelling. It was the only way that she could keep from crying. "Even if that's true, Hanna, **she's with Shana**!"

Hanna scoffed. "I give that three weeks. One month, tops." Emily rolled her eyes. "Em, anyone can see that Paige loves _you_. Just as anyone can see that you love her. The only people who can't see it are the two of you! And the only reason that Paige is with Shana is that she went looking for a substitute for you. It's exactly what you did with Ashley! And Shana may have worked for the summer, but, now that she's seen you again, Paige is going to realize that Shana doesn't cut it. Trust me. I saw the sexual tension between you two today!"

"Hanna, Shana is not a substitute!"

"Oh, come on, Emily!" It had basically become a shouting match. Both of them were circling the room, their arms flailing. "Shana has dark skin, dark, straight hair, and dark eyes - and she's a swimmer!"

"Ugh! Okay, whatever!" Emily rubbed her temples in frustration. "So, Paige found a substitute. Why should she dump her when she still believes that I don't want another relationship?"

"That's why you need to tell her that you want another relationship!" Hanna was enunciating every word, hoping that her sharp tone would get through to Emily.

"Hanna, if I tell her that I was fine with being single right up until I saw her and thought that she was available, I'll sound like some pathetic... loser girl." Emily shook her head slowly. "She'll think I'm only interested in her because I'm jealous of Shana now."

"Emily..." Hanna's tone was pleading.

"What?" Emily's voice dropped almost to a whisper. "It's obvious that she can get by just fine without me." Emily sank onto the couch, her arms folded in defeat as she looked down at her lap. "She couldn't wait to find somebody else, as soon as she gave up on me."

"Ugh!" Hanna grabbed tight fistfuls of her hair. "Because she thought that's what you wanted! Because she didn't want to freak you out!"

"How could she do this to me, Hanna?" Emily whined. "How could she date Shana?"

"Em..."

"How could she throw it in my face?"

"Okay, but you weren't throwing it in her face when you dated Ashley..."

Ashley was the wrong button to push. Emily's eyes lit up with rage. "Ashley was different!" she spat. "Ashley wasn't on the team! She wasn't in the locker room with us or on the team bus! And besides..."

Hanna looked expectantly.

"The thing with Ashley wasn't real," Emily said weakly. "Paige _knew_ that," she whined pitifully.

"How?" Hanna's arms were stretched wide, and she was pacing back and forth. "How would Paige possibly know that? You didn't even know that!" Hanna glared at Emily, challenging her to answer.

"I love her, Hanna." Emily collapsed onto the couch and started to cry. Hanna sat next to her and pulled her in.

"I know you do, Emily. But it doesn't do any good telling me. You have to tell her."

"She'll hate me," Emily protested. And before Hanna could contradict her, she added, "I would've hated her, if she had told me that when I was with Ashley."

"Well, one of you needs to say something, because you're both miserable."

* * *

Emily didn't take Hanna's advice about telling Paige. Of course not. She had never been _that_ _girl_ , and she wasn't about to be. Paige deserved a shot at happiness in a relationship. Even if it wasn't the right relationship, Paige deserved to be able to see it through; to find that out for herself. Most of all, she deserved a best friend who was happy for her. And that's what she and Paige were, Emily admitted to herself: Best friends. Emily was grateful that Paige's relationship didn't change that. She wasn't going to ruin it. And she wasn't going to circle like a vulture, waiting for Hanna's prediction to come true, that what Paige and Shana had would die.

Still, it was hard for Emily. It was hard enough, when they were freshmen, to know that she didn't have Paige's heart. Knowing that someone else had her heart was even harder. Although Emily had reconciled herself with the fact that she and Paige were only friends, there was always the thought in the back of her mind, as foolish as it was, that Paige would always be available.

On top of that, it kind of stung Emily to realize that Paige, who had never pursued her, did pursue someone else. Before Shana, Emily could convince herself that Paige was just too scared to take a chance with someone. The fact that she was with Shana proved that Paige was brave enough, but only for the right girl. And Emily wasn't that girl.

And then there were the moments, like the time Emily heard Paige's laughter on the other side of the locker room and looked up to see what was going on, only to find her sharing a laugh with Shana. Emily's eyes narrowed into slits and her fists balled up when Shana put her hand on Paige's shoulder. _Who does she think she is?_

_Oh. Right._

Emily had always had a jealous streak when it came to Paige. Even though they were only friends, she was Paige's best friend, and everybody else needed to back off and respect that. But not anymore. Emily could no longer claim first place in Paige's life. Her heart sank.

Little by little, the new reality dawned on Emily. Some things were going to be difficult - and even awkward. She dreaded their first road trip. She and Paige had always sat together on the team bus; they were _Paily_ , after all. Emily really wasn't looking forward to having to find someone else to sit next to – not to mention, breaking in another pillow. Paige's shoulder was just the right height and firmness for Emily to lay her head upon, with her arms linked around Paige's bicep as she settled in for a nap. The smell of Paige's shampoo had become like a sleeping potion for Emily; it seeped in through her nostrils, and she was instantly off to Dreamland. And Paige always brushed Emily's hair off of her cheek while she slept (or while Paige thought that she was asleep), to keep Emily's face from getting too warm while she slept.

That was only one example of the fact that they just _worked_ , as Emily realized. And with that realization came another: They were meant to be.

So, Emily resolved to be in it for the long haul, convinced that everything that had happened between her and Paige had happened for a reason. Maybe they weren't ready for each other, back in freshman year. Maybe they needed to experience different relationships so that they would appreciate what they had. Maybe this was just one of those bumps in the road that couples have to work through.

Or, maybe she was just being a crazy, pathetic psycho. But it was objectively obvious that Shana wasn't right for Paige – just as obvious as it had been that Ashley wasn't right for Emily. Emily couldn't see it at the time, nor could Paige, in the middle of things with Shana. It didn't take long for things to fall apart with Ashley. Emily hoped that Hanna was right, and that it wouldn't take long with Shana and Paige. Not that she wished them ill; she just knew that it was best to let that kind of relationship die.

Even though it was hard, and Emily could have justified pulling away from Paige (After all, no one would have blamed her for stepping aside out of deference to Paige's girlfriend.), she resolved not to. She remembered how hurtful it had been when Hanna and Paige pulled away from her, back when she was dating Ashley – even though it had been justified on Hanna's part and unintentional on Paige's. The point was, she couldn't do that to Paige. And, also, on an almost subconscious level, Emily felt the influence of Hanna's words: Paige had only started with Shana because she didn't think Emily was available. Staying close to Paige had nothing to do with Emily circling their relationship like a vulture, she told herself. She and Paige had always been friends, and she was just maintaining that friendship.

So Emily continued to spend time with Paige; one-on-one, with the swim team, and with Shana. In those respects, things were just as they had been before. Some aspects of the new reality were tricky, of course.

At their first meet of the year, when Emily glanced across the circle to where Paige was standing, she didn't know what she should do. If it had been freshman year, she would've stuck out her tongue, engaging in their pre-meet ritual to break the tension. It wasn't so simple anymore. Emily worried that it had been just a freshman-year thing, and she didn't want to be the one who was still clinging to the past when everyone else had moved on; the last one clinging to facebook when everyone else had graduated to Snapchat. So much had changed since the last time Emily stuck out her tongue in the huddle. There was Shana, for example. Emily couldn't help looking at Shana's hand, wrapped up in Paige's hand. Paige had Shana now, to help her release her tension. _Not in that way of course_ , Emily thought. She _hoped_. Had Paige even told Shana about their little ritual? Was Shana okay with it?

This was new territory for them. Emily hadn't started dating Ashley until swim season was over. Besides, Ashley wasn't on the swim team. Emily was never in the huddle holding hands with anyone for whom holding hands was more than... holding hands. Okay, she definitely needed to get over the sight of Paige and Shana holding hands.

As much as she worried about sticking to the ritual and sticking out her tongue, she also worried about _not_ sticking it out. If Paige were expecting it, would Paige think that Emily was being weird? – or petty? – or jealous?

 _This was stupid_. Paige certainly wasn't making such a big deal about it. Paige was focused on the meet, as Emily should have been. When she risked stealing a glance at Paige, Paige was already looking at her. As if she had been able to sense Emily's inner turmoil, Paige scowled and stuck her tongue out. Emily stifled a giggle. The tension was broken; their ritual reestablished.


	15. The Beginning and the End

After the conversation with Emily, when Emily told her that she was finished with relationships, Paige did some serious soul-searching. She concluded that she and Emily simply weren't meant to be. They were never able get the timing right: When Emily was interested, Paige was clueless, and, by the time Paige came up to speed, Emily had taken herself out of the game.

But Paige realized that she, herself, wasn't ready to give up on the game. She had always been cool to the idea of relationships because she was too afraid of rejection; fearful that no one would ever be interested in dating her. Once she learned that it wasn't true, she was able to admit to herself that being single wasn't enough for her. She wanted someone to laugh with, to love with, to _be_ with – as more than a friend.

She understood how Emily felt. That was fine for Emily, but Paige wasn't there, yet. Perhaps it was true that it had been a bad idea for Emily to settle for just any relationship, but, still, that relationship with Ashley ended up being what finally get Emily to move on. So, from Paige's perspective, there were three possibilities: Either she would end up happy in a relationship with someone, or she would end up happily single, like Emily. The third option, unhappily single, was what she already had. In the worst case, she wouldn't be any worse off.

If her failure with Emily had taught her anything, it was that she needed to speak up, before it was too late.

* * *

Shana Fring was Paige's age and attended the rival high school. They knew each other well, from competition and from off-season training. Every year, their parents sent them both to an elite summer swimming boot-camp outside of Pittsburgh. They had a mutual respect for each other's natural ability and each other's work ethic.

It was actually Shana who got Paige interested in applying to Drexel. When they were both accepted, and both received good offers, Paige was excited about going somewhere where she already had a friend on the team. All indications were that she and Shana would be best friends at Drexel. Had it not been for Emily, it probably would've worked out that way.

Some of Paige's friends in high school had warned her to stay away from Shana. Rumor had it that she played for both teams. It kind of an open secret which team Paige played for - she never denied it, but there was never any evidence for it - and none of her teammates seemed to have a problem with her. Paige never understood what the big deal was about bisexuality. As far as she was concerned, people love whom they love, and that was that. It was no big deal. The fact that she wasn't attracted to guys didn't invalidate the fact that others could be attracted to both. So, she never let the rumors get to her, especially since she had no confirmation that they were true.

When she and Shana ran into each other on a late-night run to a 24-hour convenience store and started talking, Paige decided to be brave. "So, Shana, we should get together sometime, for dinner, or something."

"'Or something?' As in, like, a _date_?"

Paige couldn't read the smile that Shana was giving her. Was it from excitement or disbelief? "I guess," she said, shrugging her shoulders to make it seem like not a big deal.

"That sounds great," Shana said with a lilting laugh, squeezing Paige's shoulder.

Paige was nervous when she called Shana to set up a time and date, even though Shana had already agreed to go out with her. Paige suggested lunch, figuring there would be less pressure that way. It worked. The date turned out to be nice; pleasant, relaxed.

Their conversation flowed organically. They were friends, and the fact that this was something new for them didn't seem to make too much of a difference. They found a lot of things to talk about and laugh about. The few pauses in the conversation weren't awkward. It was almost like being with Emily. Paige immediately chastised herself for that thought. She and Shana were having a good time. It seemed inappropriate for her thoughts to stray to Emily.

"So, I'll have to admit, I was a little surprised when you asked me out, McCullers."

"Yeah?" Paige smiled gamely. She recognized Shanna's use of her last name as a defense mechanism. It was a way to keep things a bit more formal; to guard her heart.

"Yeah. I always thought you had a thing for Fields."

Paige laughed. "We're just friends," she told her. "But we get that all the time."

"I know what you _are_ ," Shana said point blank. "I'm talking about what you want."

Paige laughed nervously. She decided to be honest. Whatever she had, or could possibly have, with Shana, she didn't want to start it with a lie. "Well, yes, I do have feelings for Emily." Shana nodded, maintaining eye contact as she waited for Paige to continue. "But, the stars never aligned for the two of us, you know what I mean?"

"Hmmph." Shana tilted her head. "Yeah. You mean, she's your first choice."

"Shana," Paige said patiently, "it's not like choosing a college."

"But, if you _could_ choose, it'd be Fields sitting here, not me."

Paige reached across the table for Shana's hand. "I did choose. I chose you. Look, I don't know what would happen if it were Emily sitting there. Maybe we would work, and maybe we wouldn't. But I'm not going to spend my life wondering about that. And I don't know what will happen between you and me, either. Maybe we'll work, and maybe we won't. All I'm saying is, I want to see where this goes. If you want that, too, that's fine. If not, that's okay, too."

Shana nodded. It sounded reasonable. She let out a laugh, letting herself relax again. She wanted it, too.

Summer was almost over, so they made the most of the time they had together, before the reality of school and swimming picked up again. There were swims in the lake, picnics in the sun, dinner under the stars. It wasn't long before they started talking about what they had together, and who they were to each other. Shana was the first to say, "I love you." The words sounded genuine and unforced. They also sounded really good to hear. Paige reached a hand through Shana's hair, landing it on her neck as she swooped in for a tender kiss. It was easy for her to echo the words back to her, although she wasn't really sure what they meant.

* * *

Back at Drexel, Shana didn't appear to be jealous of Emily at all, even though she knew about the feelings that Paige had once had for her. Paige never gave her a reason to be jealous. Neither did Emily. Emily was the perfect friend, and always supportive of what Paige and Shana had. She even tried to come up with a ship name for them. But nothing seemed to work; – not the way that "Paily" did. It was Shana, ultimately, who shut down Emily's attempts. "Paily," she insisted had come about naturally. It wasn't something that had been manufactured. There was no way to force something like that; it either happened or it didn't. Shana made it clear: She and Paige weren't competing with "Paily." Paige, she insisted, needed both relationships in her life. What they had together was something totally different than Paily.

But just what, exactly, that something was became less and less clear, as time went by. And the more confused their relationship status became, the more Emily seemed to loom large in whatever it was that they had. Emily, it seemed, was always there. Even when she wasn't there physically, her presence was there; the proverbial elephant in the room. She was always in the back of Paige's thoughts, and, increasingly, she was in the forefront of Shana's.

* * *

"Listen," Shana announced with a faint smile over lunch, "This isn't really working out, is it?"

Paige wasn't too surprised by the words. It had felt as if they had only been going through the motions for a little while. Still, she was caught off guard. It was kind of like walking through a haunted house, with the dreaded expectation that something was going to pop out and scare you, but not knowing when it would actually happen. As much as you may be expecting it, it still manages to surprise you - and scare the living daylights out of you.

"What do you mean?" Paige realized that she really should have come up with a strategy for this conversation, since she knew that it was coming.

"This." Shana gestured with her index finger. "You and I. And… Emily."

Paige took hold of Shana's hands. Shana let her hold onto them. "Shana, you know I…"

"I know, Paige. I know that you would never cheat on me. And that you're loyal. And that's great, but…"

Paige shook her head. "I know that it seems as if I do a lot with Emily. I don't know, I guess I don't really think about how much time she and I spend together, because I'm _with you_ , Shana. But if you're asking me to choose, I choose you. I can put some distance between Emily and me."

Shana tried not to let her feelings take over. It felt condescending – and it hurt, a little – to hear Paige offer to distance herself from Emily just to make her feel better. She put her hand on Paige's cheek. "You don't get it, do you?" she asked softly. Paige looked at her blankly. "Look, I know you're loyal – extremely loyal – and that you would never do anything over the line. But the fact is, Emily's always going to be there, isn't she? There's always going to be a part of you that wonders what it would be like going to the movie with Emily, making out on the couch with Emily, sharing your dreams with Emily…"

Paige was shaking her head slowly, trying her best not to cry. Whatever her feelings for Emily, Shana was her first girlfriend. It was the first test of her ability to be successful in a relationship, and she was failing at it. She didn't know how they had gotten there; she couldn't think of what she could've done differently; she didn't know how to fix it.

Paige could handle losing. Her experiences in field hockey and swimming had taught her to be gracious in defeat. But she couldn't handle failure; - letting herself down or letting her teammates down. Or letting her girlfriend down. To Paige, it felt like the end of the world. If she failed at a relationship with Shana, how could she hope to succeed in a relationship with anyone else? Although she tried desperately to convince herself that what she was feeling was only pain and not fear, there was still a small voice, deep in her subconscious, that kept insisting: _You're not even good enough for Shana. What makes you think you would be good enough for someone like Emily?_

Shana, observing Paige's silent meltdown, reached out to her. "Hey, Paige – it's not you. It's my fault. I thought that I was a big enough person… that I was secure enough not to be threatened by what you have with Emily. I know I should be, but, I'm sorry. I'm not. And, I… I don't know. Maybe someday I will be. Or, maybe someday, you won't have that mythology of Emily Fields following wherever you go." Shana grabbed Paige's elbows. "Let's just take a step back, okay? I think a little bit of space is what we need right now."

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "Fine." She needed Shana to stop talking. Everything that she was saying in her attempt to make Paige feel better was only making her feel worse. It made her feel weak and pathetic to know that Shana was trying to let her down easily. Shana couldn't just say that it wasn't working, as if Paige was an adult, or an equal. "We'll, um, give it some space," Paige gulped out, hoping to put an end to the conversation.

Shana nodded with a half-smile and squeezed Paige's elbows. "We're still friends?" she asked, leaning in her head and tilting it hopefully.

Just when Paige thought Shana couldn't make her feel more pathetic, she whipped out the "still friends" line. Paige smiled. "Of course," she whispered. Collecting her water bottle, silverware, and plate onto her tray, she squeaked, "I think I… uh, I need to get going."

Shana nodded with a comforting smile. Paige stood up, reached for her tray, and sat back down again – hard. She laughed it off, putting it down to her clumsiness, but the fact was, her head was spinning. The room was beginning to twirl. She was not okay. She leaned under the table, pretending to check her shoes – as if they had been the reason she stumbled. She was really taking some deep breaths, trying to regain control. She was in no condition to leave, but she was in no condition to stay. She needed to get far away from there.


	16. Paige Hits the Wall

Swimming had always been a great way for Paige to clear her head, but, as she walked out of the cafeteria after the breakup with Shana, it was the furthest thing from her mind. She didn't want a clear head; she didn't want to calm down; she didn't want to think rationally. She needed to get violent – to take her aggression out on something. There was only one place she wanted to be. She headed for the athletic complex, unlocking the elevator with the magnetic access card issued to varsity athletes and riding it down to the indoor practice fields on the third level below ground. She put on a pair of practice shorts and a jersey, forgoing the pads, grabbed a stick and a bag of balls, and set up one of the field hockey goals. It had been years since she played on a team, but she often went back to the sport for practice. It gave her a different kind of workout; a different kind of rush.

Over and over again, she pounded away at it, starting at midfield and shooting from various distances, maneuvering her way through a phalanx of imaginary defenders, and slamming the ball at the net, grunting viciously with each shot. It was only a matter of minutes before she was exhausted, sweaty and breathless, but it wasn't enough. There was no one to hit; no one to hit her back. Desperate, she charged at the wall on the opposite end of the field, with a feral yell, her arms flailing. At the last moment, she lowered her shoulder and body-checked defenseless wall. Even though the wall was padded, the impact on her shoulder hurt like hell. She took a few steps back and charged the wall again, this time leaping upwards into the collision, to spread out the impact over more of the surface area of her arm. She collapsed to the ground with a satisfying thud.

She was getting close, but it still wasn't enough. She got up and faced off against the wall, bouncing on her feet like a boxer as she landed blow after blow against it. Jab. Left hook. Upper cut. Body blow. Body blow. Jab. Jab. Jab.

When the wall started to blur in front of her, she realized that she had begun crying, at some point; huge sobs that lifted her shoulders up and down as she pounded her fists into the wall. It wasn't working. Life… just wasn't working. Paige leaned back against the wall and allowed herself to fall to the ground, knees bent in front of her, head in her hands, as the tears continued to fall.

Eventually, the adrenaline wore off and the pain started to kick in. Paige struggled to her feet and fired off a "911" text to Pru. It was still mid-afternoon, and Pru was in class, but she texted back immediately, asking where Paige was. Before the replay came back from Paige, Pru was packed up and headed for the door, holding up a single finger to her professor to let him know that she had to leave. He didn't mind. He just smirked as he unabashedly stared at the hem of her skirt, bouncing off the back of her thighs as she walked away quickly, until the door closed, forming a barrier between his eyes and their lecherous obsession.

Paige was standing outside of the athletic building when Pru got there. Pru, seeing her swollen knees and bloody knuckles, pushed her hard, slamming her against the wall.

"What the fuck did is wrong with you?" she screamed.

"Pru, I…"

"Do you even realize that you're in this school on an athletic scholarship? What the fuck do you think is going to happen if you can't swim?"

"Don't you think I know that, Pru? I'm not a moron!"

"Well, you're sure as hell acting like one!"

This wasn't tough love. It was abuse. Paige wanted to be beaten up. Better for Pru to do it verbally than for Paige to do it to herself physically.

She didn't have to explain what had happened. Her tear-stained cheeks had already told Pru everything that she needed to know. Not that Pru hadn't expected this day to come.

Paige had called Pru knowing that she wouldn't take pity on her or try to make her feel better. She'd gotten her fill of pity and condescending words words of comfort from Shana. She didn't need to be assured that everything would be okay. Not yet, at least. She needed someone to join her in her anger, and not bring up the reason for it.

"God… I can't even look at you when you're like this!" Pru turned her back to Paige and started to walk away.

"Pru," Paige said weakly. Pru turned around and glared at her. "How am I supposed to get home?"

Pru dropped her shoulders with a heavy sigh, as if she were doing Paige the biggest favor in the world. Paige tried to keep her expression blank, but she couldn't keep her lips from curling upwards. "You are so lucky you have a friend like me." Pru wrapped her arm around Paige's shoulder, and Paige winced in pain. "Jeez, McCullers," Pru deadpanned with an intentional squeeze of the injured shoulder, "I thought you were supposed to be this big tough jock! Quit being such a fucking wimp!"

* * *

It didn't take long for the news of the breakup to make it to the swim team – notably, to Emily. Paige wasn't sure how much of the story had come from Shana and how much had come from Pru, but regardless, Paige was grateful that she had been spared the painful chore of having to explain to her teammates that she had failed as a girlfriend but was still hanging in there as a friend. Unfortunately, she was not spared the condescending looks and sympathetic repetitions of "Are you okay?" that came from the team. After a day of dealing with that, she printed up a sign and taped it to the front of her locker:

**EVERYTHING'S GREAT.  
SO DON'T BOTHER ASKING.**

Emily found herself in a tricky situation after Paige and Shana's breakup. It felt like walking a tightrope: Emily had to strike a delicate balance, or things would go south quickly. It wasn't a problem that the three of them were still on the same team. Things between her and Shana never became awkward. Even when the three of them got together, it wasn't awkward, really. The delicate balance that Emily had to maintain only related to how she behaved one-on-one with Paige.

She didn't want to appear too happy about the breakup. That would've been insensitive - not to mention tacky. Paige was, first and foremost, her friend; a friend who had lost in love. Even though Emily was skeptical about the "love" part, she knew how much the loss hurt. Whether it was love or just infatuation, Paige's pain was very real, and Emily needed to be sensitive to that.

But, at the same time, she didn't want to let Paige wallow in depression the way that she, herself, had wallowed after Ashley. That experience ended up making Emily swear off relationships, and Emily didn't want Paige to go through that. Even if she and Paige never got together, Paige deserved to be with _somebody_.

Hanna had no mixed-feelings about this turn of events. She had no patience for Emily's plan of giving Paige space to heal, or even just allowing a respectable amount of time to elapse before she moved in. From her point of view, the two of them had already missed too many opportunities and wasted too much time. Her advice to Emily was neither subtle nor ambiguous: _Carpe PaigeM_. Swoop in and catch Paige on the rebound, while she was still dazed and confused from being dumped - and, most critical - before someone else beat her to the punch. Hanna didn't see it as taking advantage. She felt that Emily and Paige were destined to be together anyway, so it didn't matter how they got there, as long as they got there, and the sooner the better.

Emily wasn't convinced. If Hanna was right, and they were meant to be together, Emily didn't want their relationship to start off that way, by her taking advantage of Paige's most vulnerable point.

Emily wanted the same end result that Hanna did, of course. They only disagreed on the best way to achieve that result. For Emily, that meant the best way from Paige's standpoint.. It was okay for Hanna to put Emily first, but Emily had to put Paige's needs first.

It was frustrating. Emily didn't know what to do. She decided that she needed help from someone who knew Paige well, and had known Paige longer: Pru.

* * *

Pru's protectiveness towards Paige made her skeptical of Emily's motives. She knew about Emily's feelings for Paige. She wanted the two of them together, too, but she didn't want to see Paige go through any more emotional turmoil. Paige had enough to process without having Emily thrown into the mix.

It wasn't easy for Emily to convince Pru that she was genuinely asking how to be the friend Paige needed in this situation, not trying to figure out the fastest way to win Paige over. In the end, Pru decided that she could trust Emily. Emily, after all, had always been Paige's friend, even when she thought that "friends" was all that they could ever be. Even when Emily thought that Paige had rejected her as a girlfriend, she never stopped being her friend.

The advice that Pru gave went against every one of Emily's natural instincts. Pru told her to believe Paige when she said that she didn't need to talk about it. The best thing, she urged Emily, was to act as if nothing had happened: Paige and Shana had never been a couple, so the breakup never happened. Her reason for advising this was that Paige had the destructive tendency to dwell on her failures, and Pru didn't want Emily to feed that tendency. As much as possible, Pru said, Emily needed to behave around Shana and Paige just as she would have a year earlier, when the three of them were no more than teammates and friends.

Emily knew that Paige was suffering and that she needed to talk about the breakup, but she decided to give Pru's way a shot. She had seen a side of Paige that made Pru's advice seem plausible. Sometimes, when they were training together, Emily would notice something in Paige's technique that was slowing her down. Paige was a fanatic about technique; where Emily swam like a naturally gifted artist, Paige swam like a skilled craftsman. She was always looking at what she needed to do to hone her craft. But, although she wanted to learn, teaching could only happen when she was ready to accept it. When she was in the middle of training, if Emily noticed something and tried to point it out, Paige stubbornly shut her out. Only long after they had left the pool and were engaged in something else - dinner, Netflix, homework - would Paige be open to accepting whatever suggestions Emily wanted to make.

So, Emily gave Paige the space she needed to grieve in her own way. When she saw Paige brooding, she resisted the screaming of her inner voice that urged her to take Paige in her arms and let her know that everything was going to be okay. And, as much as she wanted to know why things didn't work between Paige and Shana - as much as she believed that Paige needed to talk about it - she never asked. And so, she never knew that she was the reason that they had broken up.

Paige didn't want her to know. It wasn't the Paige McCullers way to unburden herself on someone. She wasn't going to foist her relationship drama on Emily, who had sworn off relationships after all the drama with Ashley. And knowing the reason would only make Emily feel guilty - even though she hadn't done anything wrong and couldn't have done anything differently. Even if Emily had backed off from Paige for Shana's stake, things still would've ended the way they did. As Shana pointed out, it was Emily's presence in Paige's heart - not her physical presence - that had proven insurmountable.

It was the same dance that they had been doing since the first time they met: Each one had something she wanted to say to the other, but they were both too afraid to come out and say it. But then, it wasn't exactly the same dance that they had shared in their freshman year. Back then, they kept their feelings to themselves out of the fear of getting hurt. They were silent in order to protect themselves. In this case, each of them kept silent out of fear that the other one would get hurt; they resorted to silence in an attempt to protect the other one. It was an important difference. The fact that their concern had shifted from themselves to the other was evidence that their relationship had deepened and matured.

But the end result was still silence, and that silence was crippling.


	17. The Fix-Up

Over time, as Paige's heart began to heal, she started coming to terms with the reason that Shana had broken up with her. She realized that Shana hadn't only been thinking of herself. As much as it hurt Paige to admit it, the relationship wasn't good for either of them. Had Shana not put an end to it, Paige, with her strong aversion to failure, would have stuck with it, trying to do the impossible and make something out of nothing, until it reached the point where the inevitable breakup would have been much more painful and messy.

It still hurt, of course. And it hurt to be alone. And it hurt to know that there was no longer the possibility of anything more than friendship with Emily.

Paige respected Emily's decision to remain happily single. She envied her for it, in fact. She really wished that she had reached that point and could truly say that she didn't need a relationship.

But she hadn't reached that point. She was still stuck with an undeniable yearning to have someone in her life. And it was exhausting, carrying around her heavy heart. In the end, that exhaustion was the reason that she gave in and agreed to let Hanna set her up on a blind date. Or maybe it was the need to find something - someone – who could take her mind off of Emily. Shana hadn't been able to do that, but Paige had to hope that, somewhere out there, there was someone who could.

And, somewhere, in the deepest recesses of her mind, was the thought that she needed to prove herself worthy of dating a girl like Emily. It was kind of like having to swim on the junior varsity team until she could prove to the coach that she was ready to move up to the varsity. And, judging from her performance with Shana, she knew that she had a lot of swimming ahead of her, to get to Emily's league.

Paige wasn't even sure why Hanna was so insistent on setting her up, but she had a feeling that it had something to do with the fact that Emily was finished with relationships. Hanna had an irresistible compulsion for matchmaking – and, in Hanna's eyes, getting two women together was an even bigger prize. With Emily off the table, she wanted to work her romantic magic on Paige. She was less-risky alternative; if things didn't work out, Hanna would only lose a good friend, not her _best_ friend.

Paige put only one condition on her decision to let Hanna fix her up: The girl she chose couldn't be anything like Emily. Paige wasn't looking for substitute. She had tried that, and it didn't work. If she had learned anything from dating Shana, it was that dating someone like Emily would never help her get her mind off of Emily. It would only serve as a cruel reminder of what she didn't have. That wouldn't be any good for her or for the girl Hanna chose.

Hanna gave her word that the girl she had in mind was no Emily clone, but she never told Paige what the girl was like. When Paige asked, all Hanna said was, "You'll love her, I guarantee," "She's cute; you'll hit it off," or "Trust me." When Paige pressed her on it, she chided, "Paige! Do you not get the concept of a blind date?"

In fact, Hanna didn't give Paige much in the way of details at all. She only told her the name of the restaurant ("It's a classy place, so wear something nice,") and when to be there.

* * *

Paige had a thing about punctuality. She was the kind of person who always showed up early, rather than risk being late. She told herself not to do that this time, hoping to avoid the uncomfortable waiting game – especially at a fancy restaurant where she would, no doubt, feel uncomfortable even in the best of circumstances. She wasn't too early, but, still, she still found herself sitting, conspicuous and alone, at a table with two place settings, turning her salad fork over and over on top of the white, cotton tablecloth. After what felt like hours of looking up hopefully whenever she heard the door open, she looked up at the door and saw Hanna there. For a brief, terrifying moment, Paige feared that Hanna had done something stupid like setting her up on a blind date with herself. She quickly realized, much to her relief, that Hanna was probably there to explain why Paige's actual date had never shown up.

Hanna wasn't alone. Emily was trailing behind her. Paige should have known that Hanna was going to tell Emily about the blind date. The fact that Emily knew that she was so desperate that she had let Hanna set her up on a blind date left her feeling embarrassed and a little pathetic.

Paige took a moment to take in the sight of Emily. She and Hanna were both dressed up, because, as Hanna had forewarned, it was a classy place, but Paige didn't notice what Hanna was wearing. Her eyes could only see Emily. She looked incredible, in black, strappy shoes with a bit of a heel that gave her some height and aligned her curves perfectly, helping make her long, black slacks appear to go on forever. Emily topped them off with a satiny dark blue blouse, with a scalloped hemline that hit just above the waistband in the front and just below the hips in the back. The blue of the shirt was set off by a chunky gold chain and the tanned skin of that it rested on. She seemed just as surprised to see Paige as Paige was to see her.

Hanna reached an arm out to give Paige a hug. "Hi, Paigey! I see you found the place!"

Paige's smiled nervously, trying to play it cool for Emily's sake and pretend that she just happened to be eating at the restaurant - as if she could somehow keep Emily from finding out that she was there waiting for a blind date. She accepted Hanna's hug and then hugged Emily, asking, "Hey, what are you guys doing here?"

Emily shrugged, putting her palms up and smiling gamely. "Hanna just said that she needed me to come with her and help break the ice?"

"... and, now it's broken!" Hanna gave them each a kiss on the cheek. "Have fun, you two!" she called out as she backed away from them towards the exit, smiling unabashedly at what she had set in motion.

 _That little sneak,_ Paige thought.

Hanna had promised her that she wouldn't set her up with a substitute-Emily. So, instead, she delivered the real thing.

Paige and Emily stared at each other for a moment, in dumbfounded silence. Emily spoke first, "Wait, did she just..."

Paige shrugged helplessly. "I guess so!" They both burst into laughter.

Paige moved behind Emily, holding out her seat for her. Emily leaned her head back and smiled a thank-you. Looking down on Emily's face that was tilted up towards her, Paige's eyes couldn't decide where to focus: on Emily's thick, dark eyebrows and long lashes, on her red, smiling lips, or the long, tanned column of her neck underneath the golden chain that was shining in the glow of the candles on the table.

Emily swiveled her neck, following Paige as she moved to her side of the table and took a seat, announcing as she sat, "I swear I didn't put Hanna up to this!"

"I was just about to say the same thing!" Emily put her hand on Paige's wrist as she said it. Her hand felt warm and comfortable, and Paige dipped her head, wondering why Emily's hand wasn't there all the time.

"You look great, by the way," Paige said, without looking up.

Emily rubbed her hand across Paige's wrist a time or two, ending the movement by squeezing Paige's hand. "Thanks," she said softly.

"And you have no idea how many times I've wanted to tell you that, not as... just a friend." Paige risked a glimpse into Emily's deep, dark eyes.

"Well, I'm glad to hear it," Emily replied, "because my date looks stunning, and I'd hate to think that I couldn't keep up!"

It was true. Paige's outfit was simple but dressy; very _Paige_ , Emily thought. She had paired black jeans with a shimmery silver spaghetti-strapped top, completing the look with a maroon summer jacket and heels that matched.

She was smiling shyly, no longer able to hold Emily's gaze. It wasn't so much the compliment that Emily had paid her as it was two words that she had said: "my date." Paige realized that that's what this was. A date. She was on a date. With Emily Fields. She wasn't sure how to respond to that or what to do next. When she realized that Emily was still holding her hand, she lifted their hands to her lips and kissed Emily's fingers, softly. "Thank you," she said, acknowledging the compliment.

"I guess we should..." Emily picked up the menu with her free hand and pointed it at Paige. "order." Paige smiled her agreement but didn't move. After a beat, Emily prodded, "So, I'm going to need this back..." Her voice was like a kindergarten teacher's as she untangled her hand from Paige's. Paige let out a dramatically loud, sad sigh as she relinquished her grip. Emily giggled at the reaction and leaned acrossthe table to kiss Paige's cheek.

 _That was a good trade,_ Paige decided, resisting the urge to caress the tingling patch of skin where Emily's lips had landed.

* * *

"Do you believe in love at first sight?"

Paige tilted her head back in concentration. "I guess I believe in an immediate attraction, but I'm not sure that you can really know that you love someone from the first time you see her." Paige, her forehead wrinkled in thought, glimpsed over at Emily to see how she was taking the response. It was, after all, a leading question. "Don't get me wrong," Paige said. "I believe in soulmates; that two people can be made for each other. I just think it takes a little time for that attraction to develop into love; that love isn't an instantaneous thing." Paige shrugged her shoulders deferentially. "If that even makes sense."

Emily chuckled, somewhat thrown by Paige's answer to what Emily thought should've been an easy question. "Well, I hope it's not too lame of me to say that I was..." - she decided to use Paige's term - " _attracted_ to you that first time I saw you in the caf."

"I was too!" Paige said eagerly, taking both of Emily's hands. "Even though I... ran away." She dipped her head at the memory. "It wasn't _you._ I'm just... you know... not so good in the area of social skills, sometimes."

"Did you date a lot in high school?"

"Not really," Paige said, thinking it over. "I mean, I went out with guys a bit, before I learned that I could say no without being a bitch. But, when I started to realize that guys weren't really my thing, I don't know. I mean, if a guy's interested, he'll just ask you out, but girls tend to be more subtle, and... I don't really pick up on subtle too well, I guess."

"Really?" Emily deadpanned, "I never noticed." She rubbed Paige's bicep to indicate that she was only joking, and Paige shrugged her shoulders with a laugh.

"Guilty as charged, I guess."

Emily squeezed her arm again. "It's fine," she said. "That's why we have Hanna!"

"Yeah," Paige agreed. "Nothing subtle about Hanna!"

The couple leaned back in their chairs as the server deposited their food in front of them with a snarky smile, as if he were trying to determine whether or not the two were on a date.

Paige tucked her napkin in her lap and picked up the thread of their previous conversation. "How about you? Did you date a lot?"

Emily bit her lip. "Not 'a lot' a lot..." She let out a deep breath. "I don't know. I mean, I... When I came out... well, there was this girl involved, and she kind of guided me on the 'journey of understanding,' you know... figuring out who I was and what I was feeling." Emily laughed. "My Mom blamed her for 'turning me gay,' at first, but, really, she just helped me to be honest about who I was." Emily glanced quickly at Paige, realizing that she had digressed from the question. "Anyway, the point is, Maya was kind of like my guide, and I kind of latched onto her. And that kind of became my pattern, you know? I needed - or I _thought_ I needed - to have someone with me for the journey - like, for every single step of the journey." Emily sighed and reconsidered. "So, yeah, I guess you could say that I dated a lot."

Paige decided to address her fear straight on. "Is that what you saw in me, that day in the cafeteria? Just someone for the next leg of the journey?"

Emily leaned over the table, closer to Paige. "I'd like to think that it was more than that, Paige, but..." Emily's shoulders dropped. "I don't know. I guess I can't rule it out, because that's where my head was at that time." Emily reached for Paige's hands. "But, Paige, when I broke up with Ashley, I realized that I didn't need to be with someone to be complete."

"I remember," Paige said with a smile, recalling Emily's speech.

"Yeah. And, yet, even after Ashley I still wanted to be with you. So, whatever it was back then, it's definitely became a whole lot more."

"I believe you," Paige said, smiling as she looked down. "You know, I believe that life gives us what we need, to get us to where we're supposed to be." Paige looked at Emily, who didn't appear to be following. "I mean, I believe that you needed those other girls to help you figure out your path, and you needed Ashley to show you that you were ready to find your own way."

"But what about you? It doesn't sound as if you had anybody to help you figure things out."

"Yeah, that would've been nice." There was no regret in Paige's voice. "But I don't think I was ready to be with anybody. I think that my journey taught me that some things are worth waiting for; worth _fighting_ for. I mean, even as much as I pined for you last year, I don't think I was ready for you." Paige shrugged. "You probably wouldn't have liked me, then. I might have been your Ashley."

Emily rolled her eyes. "You are _so_ not Ashley," she laughed. "And, anyway, I _did_ like you."

"Yeah, as a friend, but..." Paige laughed, realizing that it really didn't matter. "Well, whatever. We're here, now. Let's just enjoy it."

"I am enjoying it," Emily assured her.

There were some awkward silences as the meal progressed, before they forgot that they were on a date and remembered that they were friends; more than that - that they were _Paily_ , best friends who loved to laugh together and who could talk about anything. Or nothing. They didn't have to get into deep philosophical discussions or self-examination. They could just be themselves and let the conversation flow wherever it took them.


	18. Ice Cream

Too soon, their time together began to wind down. Emily looked up and saw that the restaurant was getting a bit crowded. "I guess they're going to need this table," she said, pouting to indicate that she wasn't ready for the date to end.

Paige mirrored her pout and stood, offering Emily her hand, to help her out of her chair. As Emily stood, Paige wrapped her arm around Emily's waist, surprising herself at how smooth she was being.

"Do you have anywhere to be?"

Emily smiled. "Not really. What did you have in mind?"

"I thought we could take a walk," Paige said, holding open the door for her date. As the exited, she switched from resting her hand on Emily's hip to holding Emily's hand. "And I could, maybe, buy you ice cream after?"

_And maybe buy me coffee in the morning?_ Emily laughed to herself that the thought had crossed her mind. It was too soon, of course. But she couldn't deny the impulse. After all, even though this was a first date, they we're hardly strangers. Could it be too soon when what was happening between them had been building for over a year?

Her body said no it wasn't, but her mind said yes, it was. Her heart agreed. It would be better, in the long run, to take the slow lane and enjoy the journey than to race through the trip in the express lane.

* * *

"I didn't take you for a dress-up kind of gal," Emily mused. "Don't get me wrong," she added quickly, reacting as Paige snapped her head back, surprised rather than offended. "You look great. I just always had you pegged as the kind of gal who would choose comfort over elegance."

"You saying I ain't got no class?" Paige scratched her armpits, to demonstrate the point that she was accusing Emily of making.

"No." Emily smacked Paige playfully as she drew out the syllable. "I'm just saying..."

"I know," Paige smiled, "and you're right. Not that I mind getting dressed up, as long as it's comfortable."

"Well, you nailed it," Emily said, patting the part of Paige's neckline that lay exposed by the cut of her top.

"Thanks... I can't really take credit for it. Pru took me shopping," Paige confessed. "You know, I... um, grew some over the summer," Paige said, being as modest as she could about the results of her summer training, "so, I needed to get some new things."

"Well, the outfit's great," Emily said, moving her hand from Paige's chest to her cheek, "but it's just the wrapping paper. I like the package better."

Paige raised an eyebrow, with a confused smile.

Emily laughed. "You know what? I was going for something there, but I couldn't quite get it into words. Basically, I like you better than I do the clothes."

"Okay," Paige said condescendingly. "Just don't try to get a peek under the wrapping paper on the first date. I'm not that kind of girl!"

They walked hand in hand down to the Schuykill River, pausing midway across the bridge to take in the view. There was a full moon reflecting off the water, and the lights of Boathouse Row were glowing in the distance. The rhythmic rustle of the river and the occasional hum of a passing car added the mellow, almost hypnotic ambiance.

Emily smiled shyly at Paige when she felt Paige's eyes on focusing on her, not the view. Paige's lips parted. It would have been so simple to say those few words: _Would it be okay if I kissed you?_ After everything - the dinner, the walk, the moon, the wind in Emily's hair - it seemed appropriate; even inevitable. But Paige couldn't say them.

She and Emily had an undeniable connection. Their evening, so far, had been like a dream. And there was was Emily, inches away from her, her lips also parted, too. Paige couldn't have scripted a better opportunity.

And yet, as undeniably perfect as the opportunity was, Paige still couldn't ask. The words seemed stilted; unworthy of such a beautiful moment. Paige licked her lips slowly, silently cursing her cowardice. Cursing her cowardly silence. She had never been good at talking . With her eyes closed, she leaned in and claimed Emily's lips.

For Paige, it felt like a first kiss. She'd been kissed by boys before – and, of course, by Shana. But, for the first time, it felt that she was kissing, not just being kissed. This wasn't just something that was happening to her, but something that she was participating in. For the first time, it was her body maneuvering itself into position; her hands determining where to go – one on Emily's back, the other brushing her hair to the side and settling on her cheek. With just a slight amount of pressure to hold Emily in place, she leaned in and welcomed the softness of Emily's lips as they pressed back against hers.

What began as a beautiful, tender moment quickly got heated, as an evening - or, more accurately, a year of pent up tension finally found its release. Their lips, tongues, hands, and legs were making up for lost time, as sweet relief escaped their throats in impassioned, sensual moans.

Before things could get too out of hand, they were jarred back into reality by the honking horn of a passing car. Whether it was a honk of admiration or of condemnation, they didn't know. Whatever the motives, it was enough to bring them back down to earth.

"Wow," Emily said softly. She rested her hands on Paige's collar, fiddling idly with the fabric there.

Paige laughed. Emily, perplexed by that response, asked what was so funny.

"Nothing, nothing," Paige assured her. "I just... I can't believe that I'm here with you, doing... _that_ with you, and that you would do it back."

Emily smiled shyly and, in a soft voice, admitted, "I've been wanting to do that since the first time I laid eyes on you." She put her hand behind Paige's neck and pulled her in for a quick kiss. They wanted more - much more - but it wasn't the place for it.

Paige took Emily's hand and headed back towards campus. "So... ice cream?"

"Ice cream!" Emily affirmed, giving Paige's hand a squeeze. "It's going to take more than ice cream to cool me down," she mumbled to herself.

* * *

There were a thousand thoughts going through Emily's head as they walked to their destination. She was glad that swim season was over. They would have had to deal with constant teasing and innuendo in the locker room, if their relationship had been the kind that developed slowly over the course of the season. The way things turned out, there would be much less pressure. Their relationship would have time to mature and develop without the prying eyes of the whole team. By the time off-season training started up, she and Paige would, in the best-case scenario, be in an established relationship. In the meantime, people would find out about them one by one. That was a pace that she could handle - that _they_ could handle.

It occurred to her that Paige might not even be ready to announce that they were a couple. It may have seemed too soon after Shana. And she and Shana weren't together all that long. Maybe Paige wanted to keep it quiet until she was sure that their relationship, whatever it was, was going to last.

"Hey, Paige?" Paige's face lit up, acknowledging Emily's request for attention. "You know, if anybody sees us together… Well, you know how people like to talk." Emily looked down at her ice cream, idly stirring it. When she finally glanced up, she saw that Paige's smile had dimmed somewhat.

It seemed Emily wasn't ready for people to know about them. Paige could understand where she was coming from. It hadn't been too long ago that Emily was proclaiming, loudly and frequently, that she was through with relationships. It would be kind of embarrassing to back away from that and say that she's dating again, if that relationship turned out to be a short-term thing. Paige didn't have any doubts. She had felt something for Emily since the first time that they met. She had gotten the impression, from their conversation at the restaurant, that Emily had felt it, too.

"Emily, I…" Paige looked down, hoping that Emily couldn't see her disappointment.

"Hey, it's okay, Paige." Emily took her hand. "I understand that it's a big step. We don't have to say anything until you're ready."

"Until I'm ready?"

"Yeah, I mean..." Emily swallowed. "If you don't want to tell people that we're dating…" Emily shrugged and smiled softly. "I'm okay with that." Emily nodded her head.

Paige just laughed. "Are you kidding me?" Emily looked at her, confused. "I'm dating the girl of my dreams- Emily Fields! You think I'm going to keep that quiet? I'm going to rent a billboard" – Paige waved her palm to show where the words would go – "Hey, Philadelphia – guess who's dating the hottest girl in the city!"

Emily bit her tongue through a smile, shaking her head, hardly believing how bold Paige was acting. "You're a lot different than you were when I first met you," she said.

"How so?"

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but…" Emily shrugged. "I don't know. The first time I met you, you seemed a little… timid."

Paige put her hand on her heart in mock-shock. "Moi?"

"Okay, maybe not timid – more, Terrified!" Emily laughed. "But now, you're so… confident and witty and… funny"

Paige smiled knowingly. "Yeah, I know. It's just hard for me, meeting people for the first time. Especially when the most beautiful girl I've ever seen just shows up out of the blue and starts talking to me. I was a little star-struck."

Emily titled her head against her shoulder with a shy smile, reaching across the table to stroke Paige's cheek. She knew, of course, how Paige felt about her, but it still gave her butterflies to hear Paige put it in words.

"Well, I didn't just go over to your table out of the blue," she told her. "I had been wanting to meet you, from the first time I laid eyes on you."

"Emily..." Paige hesitated, not sure that she would be able to bring up what she wanted to ask. "When... you came over to my table that day... you were... _flirting_ with me?"

"Oh, God!" Emily cringed, lowering her face into her palms. "I'm sorry, Paige. That was a little... desperate and over the top." Emily tried to laugh, still embarrassed at what a fool she had made of herself over a year ago.

Paige hugged her, smiling slightly. "I wanted to believe that you were but..." Emily looked up, when Paige let the comment hang. "Well, it doesn't seem too likely, does it? Someone like you, flirting with someone like me."

Emily kissed Paige's mouth shut. "I can tell you're going to be a handful, aren't you McCullers?"

Paige just smiled, not really sure what Emily meant, but happy with the way she said it.

"Yes," Emily said, with another kiss. "I was flirting with you. Yes, I liked you. Yes, I was hoping that you liked me!" Emily lowered her head again with that last admission.

"I do! I did, Em. I liked you from the start. I know it took a while to get here, but I'm glad we're here – together – now."

* * *

"Do you think Shana's going to be okay with everything?"

Paige chuckled. "Well, she kind of knew how I felt about you. That was actually the reason that she broke up with me."

Emily gasped at that news. She touched Paige's forearm. "Oh, God, Paige, I am _so_ sorry! I swear, I wasn't trying to... to come between the two of you."

Paige took both of Emily's hands. "You didn't. And Shana would say the same thing, believe me. It was just... she knew that I wasn't over my feelings for you."

"You talked to her about it?"

Paige dipped her head. "Well, no, I... But, I guess it was just... obvious how I felt."

"Yeah," Emily scoffed. "To everyone but me."

"I'm sorry, Em. I know I wasn't the best at communicating."

Emily shook her head. "That's not my point. My point is that everyone told me that you liked me - Hanna, my Mom, half the team, - Ashley..."

Paige made a face at the mention of Ashley's name. "I can't wait till she finds out we went on a date!"

"Ugh..." Emily sighed. "I'm not looking forward to that conversation."

"I know, right?" Paige grimaced sympathetically.

"When I ended it, she told me that she knew 'that girl' would come between us."

" 'That girl', huh?" Paige chuckled. "Not that skank?"

"No!" Emily smiled at Paige's implication that Ashley thought of her as that.

"'Cause that's what she called me," Paige added. She was trying to keep her tone neutral, but there was no denying that the word stung - even after all this time. Emily mouth fell open in shock. She couldn't believe that Ashley had actually called Paige - her girlfriend's friend - that name.

"Oh, Paige, I'm so sorry."

Paige smiled, still trying to shrug it off. "It wasn't your fault."

Emily sat up, cupping Paige's cheek. "I'm sorry that you had to go through that, I mean. When was this?" Emily asked, thinking that Ashley, wounded after she had gotten dumped, had lashed out at Paige from a dark place of hurt and frustration.

"It was that time we met in the cafeteria. She seemed to think that I was out to break the two of you up." Emily looked as if she were about to cry, so Paige tried to lighten the mood a little. "She's not really that kind of self-assured, confident girlfriend, is she?"

Emily groaned, shaking her head in disbelief. "She's got some serious problems," she said, impatiently. "I can't believe I wasted so much time with her."

Paige kissed her cheek. "I can't believe I wasted so much time not telling you how I feel."

Emily took Paige's hand , clutching it close. "Well, we're here now," she said, recalling Paige's words from a moment earlier. She gave Paige's hand a kiss. "That's what's important."

Paige hugged Emily from the side, squeezing her shoulder. She regretted that she had brought up Ashley, putting a damper on what had been a perfect evening. She leaned over to kiss Emily's cheek, but Emily turned her head, so that the kiss landed on her lips. It didn't take long for them to get the evening back on track.


	19. Good Night

Emily smiled to herself, enjoying the moment as she and Paige walked slowly down the hall to her apartment. They were holding hands. They had been, for most of the night, but it didn't diminish the tingle that Emily felt, in her hand, and in her stomach. Paige was smiling, too. She was almost giddy. Every once in a while, she gave Emily's hand a squeeze, as if excited and a little surprised that Emily was allowing her to hold her hand.

Emily leaned back against the wall just to the side of her doorway. She put her hands on Paige's collarbone and looked up, expectantly. There wasn't any doubt that there would be a good-night kiss. They had kissed, off and on, since dinner. Emily wondered what was taking Paige so long. She was just staring at her, with an unrelenting smile, until she dipped her head. Emily furrowed her eyebrows and moved a hand to Paige's cheek. "Is everything okay?"

Paige looked up, shaking her head in disbelief. "I can't believe that this is real – this night, that date, this… moment. If anyone had told me, when I was getting ready for my blind date tonight, that it would end up with you and me outside your door…" Paige shook her head again, letting out a laugh.

_It doesn't have to end_ , Emily's heart said. But, of course, it did. Hanna was on the other side of the door – probably with her ear pressed against it, or peeping through the peephole. "I wish it didn't have to." Emily snaked her hands behind Paige's neck and kissed her.

"You know," Paige said in a soft, deep voice as their lips separated, "when you showed up at that restaurant with Hanna, I felt like such a loser. I didn't want you to know that I had let Hanna set me up on a blind date." Paige dipped her head and shook it, as she had done so many times during their date.

Emily lowered her head, too. "She had me fooled, too," she admitted. "I thought she was on the blind date, and I was her insurance policy."

"Insurance policy?"

"Yeah. If the guy was cute, I'd disappear, but, if he looked like a waste of time, I'd be her excuse to bail." Paige gave her a confused smile. "You know what? It's not even worth explaining." She gave Paige another kiss instead.

The kiss lingered for a moment before Paige backed away, smoothing her fingers through Emily's hair. She was about to say good night, but she leaned in and claimed another kiss, smiling at how easy it was. Emily smiled, too, so Paige kissed her again. It was as if she just figured out that she could kiss Emily and get away with it, and she wanted to keep doing it until her luck ran out.

Paige's hand in Emily's hair stirred up a memory. "Do you remember when we were studying together, and I put my head in your lap, and you kind of stroked my hair?" Emily laughed nervously after she said it. Of course, she remembered that night - the first time Paige touched her affectionately. But it was just a momentary thing; she felt silly for thinking that Paige would remember.

"You know, I had wanted to do that ever since that time you touched my hair in the cafeteria. I know it might not have seemed very bold, but you wouldn't believe how hard it was for me to work up the nerve to do it."

Emily bit her lip, smiling to learn that, even back then, it was more to Paige than just a friendly gesture.

"I wanted to kiss you," Paige admitted.

"I wish you had."

" _I_ wish I had," Paige said, adding, with a laugh, "I wish _you_ had!"

Emily was sure that Hanna was on the other side of the door thinking, "Don't just stand there wishing - kiss her now!" So, she did. She kissed Paige, and, once again, they got carried away.

"This is ridiculous," Emily said through a laugh, backing away only long enough to get those words out before she leaned in again for another kiss. "We're like two high schoolers parked on a deserted road, who can't keep our lips off of each other." That said, her lips were back on Paige's.

"I guess we're going to have to stop, sooner or later," Paige said sadly.

"Later," Emily said, pulling Paige in and holding her there, with her hand pushing against the back of Paige's neck. Paige wanted to take in everything that she was feeling: the beat of Emily's heart against her chest, the tickle of Emily's hair against her neck, the strong, insistent push of Emily's fingers against the back of her neck, the slow, elongated ovals that her other hand was rubbing against Paige's back. But, most of all, the soft but firm pressure of Emily's lips against hers, moving in rhythm with hers, exhaling the occasional breath past hers. And then, unexpectedly, she felt something else pushing past her lips as Emily deepened the kiss - and all of Paige's other senses abandoned her. Her knees began to give way, so Emily spun them around, putting a wall behind Paige to help support her. Paige could hear herself moaning as Emily's lips took her breath away and breathed new life into her. Emily backed away, purposefully stroking her hand across Paige's ear and cheek as she retracted it from behind Paige's neck. Paige stumbled in the spot where she was standing, for effect. She wanted Emily to be able to see how much the kiss had moved her.

Emily smiled. As much as she told herself that the kiss was an attempt to make up for lost time, she couldn't deny that there was a purpose behind it. She wanted to give Paige something to remember. She wanted to give Paige a reason to stay, and something to fight for, if it ever came to that. She was being territorial and immature, but she didn't care. She knew that women like Paige didn't come around every day. SHe wasn't going to leave anything to chance. "Good night," she said softly.

Paige moved her lips to say something in response, but no words came out. She leaned in again, but she caught herself, with a chuckle. "You know what? I'd better not." Emily nodded in understanding. "Good night."

* * *

Emily opened the door to her apartment carefully, worried that, if she opened it too quickly, she would smack Hanna in the head with it. She tiptoed inside, not wanting to wake her, if she was asleep. She hoped that she was asleep, although she knew that it was more likely that Hanna had waited up for her. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to Hanna about how the date had gone. She actually did want to, and not just because Hanna was responsible for itstarted. But she didn't need Hanna fawning over her just yet. She just wanted a few minutes to revel in the memory of what had happened.

She found Hanna asleep on the couch and tiptoed by her, heading to her bedroom and closing the door behind her. Setting her keys and her handbag on the dresser, she twirled a little, stopping in front of the mirror. She put her hand on her cheek and smiled at her reflection. Nothing had changed; not really. It was dinner and a walk afterwards with her best friend. It wasn't the first time for her and Paige. But, in reality, everything had changed. It felt like the first day of vacation. There were so many possibilities; so much that she wanted to do that she didn't know where to start. She didn't want to waste a moment.

She wanted to do everything with Paige. And, yet, she realized that they had, pretty much done everything. They had fallen asleep together, after a night studying on the couch; had spent an evening on the with a huge bucket of popcorn, making fun of bad rom-coms on Netflix – only to end up with Emily wiping tears away and Paige teasing her for it; they had gone for long walks at twilight and talked about the future. It was the stuff that not only girlfriends but best friends did together.

Pam had always told Emily that she and Wayne were best friends. That was what Emily wanted in her relationship, too. The romantic side of her believed in love at first sight, but that same sense of romance also wanted the kind of relationship that her parents had: True love with her best friend.

Emily looked forward to doing the things that she and Paige had done as friends again, but, this time, doing them as girlfriends: Making dinner for her girlfriend, riding the bus on a trip to an away-meet with her girlfriend; walking the dog with her girlfriend; taking her girlfriend back to Rosewood to meet her mother. _To meet her mother_ … Emily giggled at the thought. Pam Fields would be over the moon when she found out.

Emily was jolted from her reverie by her ringtone. She smiled as she picked it up. "Paige!"

"Hey, Beautiful… I was just calling to make sure that you made it home okay."

Emily laughed. "You dropped me off at my door!"

"I know. A girl can't be too careful, though." Paige sighed contentedly into the phone. "I had a great time."

"Mmm… I did, too."

"See you tomorrow?"

"I can't wait."

"Sleep well, Beautiful."

Emily opened her bedroom door and gasped in shock upon seeing Hanna's smiling face. "So, how'd it go?" she sang eagerly.

Hanna hadn't been sleeping. She knew enough about Emily - and about first dates - to realize that Emily would want some time to herself, to savor the evening. So, when she heard the two of them exchanging their extended good-bye outside the apartment door, she ran over to the couch and pretended to be asleep. When Emily had safely retreated to her bedroom and closed the door, Hanna was tempted to go chase down Paige and get her take on the evening, but she knew that it could wait. What she really wanted was to be there for Emily, when Emily was ready to talk about it.

But, ready or not, Hanna couldn't wait any longer.

Emily didn't mind. The night had been like a dream come true, and it had only happened because of Hanna. "Oh, Hanna," she said with a hug, "Thank you so much!"

* * *

Paige opened the door of her apartment and rolled her eyes at the knowing smirk that Pru was giving her. "Well, well, well! If it isn't Paige McCullers! Back so soon? You couldn't seal the deal?"

"Whatever, Pru! Aren't you even the least bit curious about who the mysterious blind-date was?"

"Uh… Emily Fields." Pru said it flatly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Paige shook her head. "I should've known that you were in on this whole thing with Hanna!"

"Um, no!" Pru replied matter-of-factly. "I mean, seriously, Paige, you can't honestly tell me you didn't see that one coming!"

Paige looked confused. "Really?"

"My little Paigey," Pru said, gathering Paige into a hug. "Clueless till the very end…"

"You really knew that Hanna was going to set me up with Emily?" Paige gave Pru a playful shove. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Duh! Because I didn't want you to back out."

Paige rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't have backed... Okay, actually, I guess I would've!"

"Oh, my goodness! Can we just get over this and skip to the part where you tell me how it went?"

Paige's face was overtaken with a dreamy smile. Pru smiled eagerly, leading Paige to the couch. She sat down and grabbed a pillow, hugging it against her chest. She could tell that it was going to take a while for Paige to tell her about it, and that was just fine. She was more than eager to hear all the details. And Paige was more than eager to relive them.

* * *

Emily had only one more person to tell about the date that night. She knew that the phone call was coming. Pam Fields had been obsessively liking and commenting on all of the pictures Emily had posted that evening - from getting ready with Hanna, to dinner with Paige, the walk with Paige, and dessert with Paige. The last picture was a selfie with Paige, outside of her apartment, with the caption, "And she walked me to my door" and three hearts.

Emily assumed that, as late as it was, Pam had decided to wait until the morning to call her. That had, in fact, been Pam's original plan, but she couldn't wait that long.

"Hi, Mom," Emily said flatly when she picked up the phone.

"Oh, Emmy!" Pam's voice was a high-pitched squeal. "I knew this was going to happen! I just knew it!"

Emily would've tried to deny it, but she couldn't. Pam had called it accurately, almost eight months earlier. Emily wasn't in the mood for "I told you so." Neither was Pam, fortunately. She was excited for her daughter, and she wanted to celebrate with her.

"So, how long have you two been together?"

"Mom, stop! It was our first date!"

"Oh, Emmy, it was so much more than a first date."

Emily lay back on her bed, looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah, it was." She told her mother about the date - how Hanna had tricked both of them, how great it was talking and spending time with Paige, and how she had seen a different, bolder side of Paige.

"Well, thank goodness for Hanna! I was worried that Paige was going to be like you and swear off dating after Shana."

"Shana? Who told you about Shana?"

"Oh, Emmy! It was all over Paige's Instagram. You didn't see it?"

"Mom! Tell me you have not been stalking Paige's Instagram!"

"Of course I follow her on Instagram! She's practically my daughter-in-law!"

"Mom! Seriously, Stop!"

"Well," Pam said smugly, "you doubted me when I told you that she was going to be your girlfriend, so you can doubt me on this one, too."

"Ugh! She's not my... You were never..." Emily was beyond flustered. "It was ONE date!"


	20. Exes and OMGs

Emily paced back and forth in front of the door, raising her hand up to it once or twice before she actually summoned up the nerve to knock. She didn't know what she was doing there. She almost walked away before the door opened and she was greeted with a smile.

"Emily. Thanks so much for coming."

"Ashley," Emily said, keeping her expression neutral.

Ashley, still holding onto the door with both hands as she stood in the doorway, gestured with her head for Emily to come inside. Emily angled to the side to fit in the space between her ex-girlfriend and the door post. Once she was fully inside, she pushed the hair out of her face, exhaling, and put her hands in the pocket of her denim jacket.

Ashley closed the door and smiled at Emily, silently inviting her to follow her into the living room.

Ashley was different. It wasn't just her look, which was now less biker-chick and more sophisticated; mature. It was the way that she carried herself. She seemed more confident and less needy.

Emily realized that she hadn't seen Ashley all year. There was really no reason that she would have seen her, other than the fact that she was Sydney's roommate. It wasn't as if Sydney ever hung out with her, though. They had remained roommates basically because Sydney felt guilty to abandon her. Ashley had a way of making people feel that way.

But Emily was surprised when she thought it over and realized that she really hadn't seen Ashley since their breakup. That made Ashley's text all the more confusing.

"Why am I here, Ashley?"

_Oh. That's the way we're playing it._ Ashley was in the process of sitting, but she reversed herself when it became apparent that Emily was going to remain standing. "Don't look so scared." Ashley tried to laugh but ended up clearing her throat when Emily's expression didn't change.

"Okay, well, I just wanted to let you know that I get what you were saying, when you broke up with me." Ashley's voice was confident and unhalting. It wasn't just her look that had matured. She seemed to have grown up since their breakup. "It hurt, when you left me; I'm not going to lie. But, over time, I thought about your words, and they helped. I did a lot of soul-searching and self-examination, and, I'd like to think, a lot of growing up."

Emily's shoulders relaxed. She still didn't know what Ashley had in mind, but it didn't appear to be the worst-case scenario that Emily had steeled herself for.

"So, thank you," Ashley said, nodding her head.

Emily smiled for the first time. She put her arm on Ashley's shoulder. "I'm sure you would've gotten there on your own."

Ashley returned Emily's gesture, putting her hand on Emily's shoulder and leaning her head in a little. "We had some good times, didn't we?"

Emily tilted her head back, laughing nostalgically.

"Anyway, I know you're with Paige, now, and I'm happy for you. But I just wanted to let you know that... I'm not the same girl I was last year."

Emily's guard went up at the way that Ashley mentioned her relationship with Paige. She took a step back. Ashley matched the step, maintaining the distance between them. "I just... it's just important to me that you don't think of me that way."

Emily smiled genially. "I don't," she said truthfully. The whole truth was that she didn't think of Ashley at all.

Ashley's smile was full of relief. She put her arms around Emily and gave her a hug. A hug that went on too long. When Emily pulled away, she saw Ashley leaning in.

Emily pushed her off. "Ash, what are you doing?"

"Em..."

"I'm with _Paige_ , Ashley."

"I... I know!" Ashley looked down, twisting her fingers together. "I didn't mean anything. I just..."

"No." Emily's face had hardened. "This isn't happening. Not now, not ever." Emily strode to the door, angry and confused by what had just happened. It was so out of bounds - and so unbelievable.

* * *

Emily didn't even know what she was feeling as she stood in the hallway, trying to calm herself down. She banged on the door, more deliberately; more desperately than the last time. When it opened, she ignored the obvious look of surprise. She didn't know what to say or what she hoped to accomplish when she knocked. She didn't even know what to do. Before she could come up with a plan, her body took over, and she found herself locked in a desperate kiss, pushing through the doorway and into the apartment. She felt hands, confused at first, eagerly giving in to what was happening and rubbing up and down her back. Soon, she was pressed against the wall, but she switched positions, dominating the kiss.

When she finally came down from the rage, passion, and frustration-fueled kiss, she backed away, having a hard time believing what she had just done, but not at all ashamed of it.

"Okay, Em," Paige said with a giggle, "first of all, you're welcome to greet me at the door like that whenever you want, but - do you want to let me know what this is about?"

Emily shook her head. "Nope," she said, kissing Paige again. "Not yet. I just need to be kissing you right now."

Emily felt her legs go out from under her as Paige hoisted her off of the ground and carried her off towards her bedroom, like the tanned, open-shirted model on the cover of a trashy romance novel, carrying off the swooning maiden as the wind swept through his hair. Emily kicked her feet up and down as she exulted in the free ride. She tended to forget just how powerful Paige was. And she sometimes took for granted the way that Paige always seemed to know exactly what she needed. They would have to talk; she would need to process whatever it was that had happened with Ashley, but, for the moment, the only thing she needed was the reassurance that she was with Paige, and Paige was with her.

Paige dropped her on top of the bed and hovered over her, with that intense stare that Emily had grown to love. She looked up at Paige with eyes aflame like a wildcat. For the first time, Emily regretted the fact that she and Paige had wasted so much time before they finally got their act together, because she really needed to be with Paige, but she knew that it was too soon.

Emily really didn't want to tease Paige or lead her on. She needed Paige, but they weren't ready. "Paige..."

Paige lay down next to Emily, smoothing a hand through her hair and letting it rest on Emily's ear. She kissed Emily gently, and Emily knew what she was saying. Even if they had been ready, Paige would never take advantage of Emily when Emily was in that emotional state.

When Paige backed away from the kiss, Emily nodded, acknowledging that she had gotten the message. Paige was there for whatever she needed. She pushed Paige onto her back and moved on top of her, kissing her with purpose.

* * *

"Are you hungry? I could make us something..."

Paige was on her side, clutching Emily's hand against her heart, as Emily lay on her back. She wasn't sure how long they had been kissing on her bed, but the way that the room had begun to get dark - and the grumbling in her stomach - told her that it had been a while.

Emily nodded. "That would be good," she said, "but could we talk first?"

Paige shifted onto her back, her shoulder touching Emily's, her hands still clutching Emily's hand. "Sure."

Emily took a deep breath. "I went to see Ashley." She turned to look at Paige, almost surprised that Paige's expression hadn't changed. "She... texted me that she wanted to meet." Emily checked with Paige again. Paige nodded. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you first. I mean, I was planning to tell you about, of course. Well, I'm telling you now..."

Paige turned to her side and stroked Emily's cheek. "I trust you. I know that you weren't doing anything behind my back."

Knowing that Paige trusted her helped Emily relax. It was a relief. It was hard enough trying to process what, exactly, had happened with Ashley, without having to worry that Paige would get jealous or threatened by it.

When Emily finished telling Paige what had happened, Paige asked, "How do you feel?"

Emily shrugged. "I feel... I... I..."

"Because you sound angry." Before Emily could deny that, Paige added, "And you're allowed to be."

Emily sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. She let out a grunt and balled her fists together in front of her as she let out her anger. She was angry that Ashley didn't respect Paige or their relationship. She was angry that Ashley actually thought that Emily would dump Paige and come back to her. She was angry that she had ever fallen for someone like Ashley in the first place.

Paige gathered her in her arms, whispering, "It's not your fault. It's in the past." Her voice was calm and steady, and Emily couldn't have loved her more than she did at that very moment.

"Come on," she said softly, standing up. "I'll make you a grilled cheese."

She took Emily's hand to help her off of the bed, but Emily pulled her back down, kissing her softly. "Thank you."

Emily rested her head on Paige's shoulder and curled her fingers into a ball against Paige's chest.

* * *

The sunlight coming in through the open curtain stung Paige's eyes as she slowly started to wake. She smiled when she saw Emily's head still in the same spot. She wasn't sure that Emily had moved at all since they fell asleep. Paige wouldn't have minded if Emily had stayed there forever.

She brushed the hair away from Emily's face and kissed her on the forehead. Emily raised her head, visibly confused. "Hey," she said, covering her mouth, fearing how her breath smelled.

"Hey," Paige echoed.

"Sorry."

Paige kissed her forehead again. "No need to be."

Emily panicked, all of a sudden, scurrying around in the bed. "What time is it?"

Paige stretched to her side to retrieve her phone. "5:30," she answered. "We should still be able to get our laps in before class."

Emily nodded against Paige's shoulder, curling her fingers around a swatch of fabric in Paige's top.

Emily didn't seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. Paige chuckled. "So, grilled cheese?" she prodded.

"Paige," Emily said sleepily, "you can't have grilled cheese for breakfast."

"Yes, we can!" Paige assured her, cheerfully. "We're adults, now! We can do whatever we want! If we want to have a grilled cheese for breakfast and a banana split for dessert, who's going to tell us no?"

Emily giggled. "Okay, whatever. Just let me sleep for five more minutes."

"Okay." Paige started to get up, to make the sandwiches, but Emily wouldn't let her go. "Okay," she said again. "Five more minutes."

* * *

"Oh." Ashley was surprised - and a little scared - when she saw who was at the door.

Paige stepped inside and took a quick a look at her surroundings. She had her game-face on; the one that she put on before a big race. It was intense. And intimidating. She was wearing a tank top under an open, flannel shirt, showcasing her broad shoulders. She wasn't there to start trouble, but she definitely wanted Ashley's attention.

"I...uh..." Ashley tried to laugh dismissively. "I guess Emily talked to you."

Paige gave her an icy look, because she didn't seem to be taking the situation seriously enough. Ashley took a step backwards, using the door as a shield. "My roommate's home," she blurted out, as if to let Paige know that there would be a witness.

Paige walked in through the open door. Ashley looked her up and down, her lips trembling slightly, not sure what was coming next.

"Ashley," Paige began, keeping her tone even, "there's no reason that we can't be friends - you, Emily and I. We're all adults. I don't have anything against you. But, if we're going to get along, we're all going to have to act like adults."

"I understand," Ashley said softly. She had the look of an elementary school student in the principal's office.

"What you did to Emily was way out of line." Paige made a point of keeping her cool. "I don't have a problem with you. But you really upset her. And when you upset Emily, it becomes my problem."

"Paige, I would never..."

Paige held her hand up. "We're all adults, Ashley. And as long as you act like one, Emily won't have a problem, which means I won't have a problem, which means you won't have a problem." Paige nodded once, prompting Ashley to acknowledge what she had said.

Ashley nodded her head. "I'm... sorry."

"I don't need you to be sorry," Paige said flatly. "I need you to act like an adult." Paige knew that she was laying it on a bit thick, but she wanted to be sure that her point was coming across.

Ashley nodded, remaining silent until Paige turned to leave. "Paige?"

Paige turned around and looked her in the eye.

"You're really lucky to have Emily. And," she added quickly, "she's lucky to have you. I'm... I'm really happy for you. For both of you."

Paige nodded once, turned, and left. Moments later, she was outside of Emily's apartment, her body language noticeably different.

"Paige?" Emily's voice went up in concern at the sight of Paige at her door, dipping her head like a puppy who was about to get scolded.

Paige hadn't planned to tell Emily about her meeting with Ashley, but she felt too guilty to keep it from her.

"I went to see Ashley," she mumbled. Emily took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom, where they could talk without having to worry about Hanna cheering Paige on. She sat Paige on the bed and took a seat next to her, one hand on Paige's shoulder and the other holding Paige's hand, to keep her calm as she explained what had happened.

"I wasn't being territorial, Em," she pleaded, desperate for Emily to understand and believe her. "I was just..."

Emily interrupted her with a hug. "You were looking out for me," she said with a kiss, "the way you always do."


	21. Soft Roll-Out

Paige didn't follow through on her statement about renting a billboard to let everyone know that she and Emily were together. Instead, she and Emily had decided on a soft roll-out; not really making an announcement that they were together, but answering frankly and honestly whenever they were asked.

The first step in this process, of course, was for them to agree on what they were. They had both learned from their past experience together (maybe "apart" was a more appropriate term) that it was far better to say what they were feeling and risk the consequences than to make assume that the other person knew. So, they talked about it, and it turned out that they were in agreement. They had gotten to know each other – and themselves – long enough over the course of their first year and a half at Drexel to know that they wanted to be together. They weren't dating casually, to see what would come of it, and they weren't interested in dating other people. They didn't have to declare themselves to be exclusive; neither of them was interested in dating someone else. If that meant that they were girlfriend and girlfriend, so be it. As they saw it, they were girlfriends in both senses of the word – friends who were female, and females who were together.

The drama with Ashley showed them that a soft roll-out might not be the best strategy in every case. They decided that it would be best to tell Shana themselves, before she heard any whisperings or rumors about their relationship. They weren't expecting the kind of psychotic reaction that Emily got from Ashley, of course, but it seemed like the right thing to do. First of all, they owed it to her as her friends. More important, though, they were all on the swim team together, and it might have ended up humiliating – or, at the very least, embarrassing – if Shana found out from someone saying something in the locker room.

In reality, they assumed that Shana had already found out, the same way that Ashley (and Pam) found out, by the pictures of the two of them that they had posted. Still, Shana deserved a face-to-face discussion. Their only disagreement was about who should be the one to tell her.

Paige argued that it made the most sense for Emily to tell Shana, preferably by herself, but, worst case, with Paige going along, too. Her argument wasn't rooted in logic or even common sense; she just didn't want to have that conversation with Shana. She didn't want it to appear that she was rubbing her relationship with Emily in Shana's face, to prove that she was just fine after their breakup, or that she was, somehow, telling her out of pity – "Hey, I found someone; maybe there's someone out there for you." And there was also the way that Shana left things when she broke up with Paige; the sort of "call me when you get over your ex" breakup that made it seem as if Shana was willing to wait for her. That wasn't it, of course. At the time, Paige recognized Shana's statement for what it was: an attempt to cushion the blow. At the time, she resented it, but, as time went by, it became her excuse for not wanting to tell Shana that the door was firmly closed.

In the end, logic and common sense won out. Paige arranged to meet Shana for coffee, and, on their coffee date, she – no pun intended – spilled the beans. (Well, maybe a little pun intended.) It didn't come as a surprise to Shana, who handled it beautifully. From her point of view, dating Paige had been an unexpected bonus. She always thought that Paige would end up with Emily, so, she went into their relationship with few illusions. She was able to enjoy the time that they had spent together without deluding herself that what they had was made to last. When it ended, she was able to look back on it fondly, like reminiscing over a nice dessert. It was a great experience, but it was over.

And Shana knew enough about Paige to realize that dating Emily was the best thing for her. The three of them had been friends since they were first thrown together on the swim team freshman year. The shifting boundaries of their inter-relationships had done nothing to shake the strong foundation of that friendship. The next time they met for coffee, it was the three of them, and before long, they found themselves at a table for four, when Shana started bringing a date along.

* * *

Things had gone so well with Shana that Emily regretted not having been upfront with Ashley from the outset. She started feeling guilty about everything that had happened at Ashley's apartment. She wished she had handled things more maturely. She really wanted to make things right – or, at least, to be able to say that she had tried, but she really didn't want to have to see Ashley again face to face. As much as she regretted how she had handled the last meeting, she didn't see how another meeting could end well. She didn't want to lose her temper and get into a screaming match. But e-mail or a text seemed, somehow, too cruel, even for Ashley. Emily sought Hanna's advice on what the protocol was. Hanna's response was quick and decisive: Emily didn't owe Ashley anything. If she felt the need to talk to Ashley, she should do it in the way that was the least painful for her.

In the end, Emily went old-school with a well thought out letter, impeccably hand-written on her best stationery. She apologized for the way that Ashley had found out about Paige and her, and for not having been more sensitive when Ashley tried to talk to her about it. She measured her words very carefully. She didn't want it to appear that she was gloating, and she didn't want Ashley to think that she was somehow opening the door for the two of them to give their relationship another try. Based on what she knew of Ashley, it wouldn't take much to convince her that she was giving her an opening. Emily wished her well and told her that she would be willing to talk, if that's what Ashley needed. She hoped that Ashley would have enough good taste – or, at least, enough hatred for Emily – to decline that offer. Still, she stated explicitly that she was with Paige and nothing would change that, in the hopes of preventing Ashley from trying.

Emily spent the next couple of days dreading how Ashley's would respond; – a letter, social-media post, or voice-mail full of spite and vitriol. When the response finally came - a letter hand-delivered by Sydney, Emily was reluctant to open it. "It's nothing bad," Sydney assured her. "She really is sorry."

Emily knew that Sydney wasn't a big fan of Ashley's and wouldn't have vouched for Ashley unless Ashley was truly repentant. Still, she waited until that evening, after dinner with Paige, so that Paige could be there when she read it. She was curled up on the couch, with her knees drawn up underneath her and her head resting on Paige's shoulder. They each had a hand on Ashley's note, and they read it silently - except for the occasional line that struck one of them as unbelievable or audacious, which they read out loud.

Ashley claimed that she had truly intended to apologize and to wish Emily all the best when she asked to talk with her. She assured Emily that she would never make a move on someone who was in a relationship - especially not like that, with a sneak-attack kiss. Paige pointed out that Ashley was probably telling the truth. Had she truly hoped to steal Emily back, that would have been the worst way to go about it. Ashley said that she had just gotten caught up in the hug; the familiarity of it, and that she forgot herself for a moment. She told Emily that she wouldn't let it happen again, and she apologized to her and to Paige.

Emily folded the letter and put it back in the envelope it had come in. "Whatever," she said, standing up and starting to pace.

"Em..."

Emily crossed her stomach with her left arm, using it to support her elbow as she rubbed her forehead with her hand. "I'll be all right, Paige."

Paige stood up to hold Emily, but Emily paced away. Paige gave her space.

"You're going to tell me to let it go," Emily barked, not mad at Paige, but mad at all of the confusion that Ashley had caused.

"No, I'm not," Paige said calmly. She hugged Emily from behind. Emily looked down, not wanting Paige to see her face.

Paige held Emily wordlessly, counting on her to break the silence when she was ready. Finally, with a deep sigh, Emily asked, "Why am I letting this get to me?"

Paige could've answered, reminding Emily how much of a shock it was when Ashley went way over the line and tried to kiss her. But Paige knew that Emily didn't need to hear an answer that she already knew. She just needed to ask the question out loud.

When Emily turned around in Paige's arms, finally returning the hug, Paige kissed the top of her head. She knew that Emily would forgive Ashley. That was just her nature - just as much as it was Ashley's nature to be suspicious and paranoid.

And, Emily did forgive her. Still, she kept her distance.

* * *

While all of this was going on, Emily started working on the checklist that she kept in her head of things that she had done with Paige as a friend that she wanted to do as a girlfriend.

To cross the first item off of her list, Emily invited herself over for a study date. They had gotten out of the habit of studying together during the time Paige was dating Shana. They did have some study sessions after the breakup, but they weren't the same. They actually spent those sessions studying; not sharing the couch, physically close to one another, the way they used to in freshman year, when the night as much about _being_ together as it was about _studying_ together.

Their first two attempts were a disaster. In their freshman year, they had been able to get some studying done, despite all the socializing, because, back then, whenever they found themselves getting too close, fear made them back off and go back to studying, to take their minds off of their attraction to each other. Once they had crossed the line from merely wanting to kiss and actually being able to kiss, there wasn't much incentive to study – except when Pru walked through and playfully yelled at them to get a room. When that happened, they would resolve to start studying again, but their resolve usually dissolved in a matter of minutes.

On their third attempt at study night, they overcompensated, setting strict boundaries, lest they let themselves get distracted. The pendulum swung to the opposite extreme: They were able to study, but they weren't really together. That experience was worse than just studying by themselves in their own apartments. When they studied way, they, at least, called each other up to take study breaks.

For their fourth attempt, they scheduled study breaks into the session. It was a good idea on paper, but the study break turned into a make-out session on Paige's bed, and neither one of them was in the mood to study afterwards. Emily ended up sleeping over, because they both had to get up early the next morning to finish studying.

By the fifth attempt, they found their balance. It was like being friends again. They could spend the night studying at a comfortable pace, free to stop and chat – or do more – when they wanted, but still maintaining control so that they were still productive.

Another item on Emily's list was getting off-campus with Paige and watching a game. It was spring, so they had missed their chance to watch the Eagles from her friend's VIP box, but Emily snagged a couple of tickets for the Phillies. The seats were in the nosebleed section, far away from the field, but that didn't matter. They weren't too interested in seeing the game, anyway. Emily only wanted a getaway – not to have to think about studying or training; not to have to entertain anybody else; just enjoying each other's company.

The subway ride to the stadium was a little intimidating. Paige hadn't seen anything like it. It wasn't Emily's first time on the subway, but she hadn't taken it to a ballgame since she was about four or five years old. Back then, it was all an adventure. She didn't know that half of the people in the crowded subway car were already tipsy from pre-gaming, nor would she have worried if she had. Not with her hand firmly held in her father's protective hand. Years later, taking the same trip, she gave Paige's hand a squeeze, raising her eyebrows to say, "This is really something, isn't it?" Paige rubbed her shoulder, and Emily rested her head on Paige's shoulder. The car was packed, so they were standing, with Paige clinging to the railing and Emily clinging to Paige's arm. Every once in a while, they noticed a judgmental eye aimed in their direction, a reminder that they weren't in the more tolerant world of University City or the Gayborhood.

They didn't feel ashamed of who they were or what they were doing, but, at the same time, they didn't feel safe.

Emily tapped Paige on the shoulder and pointed to a woman sitting in the center of the car. She appeared to be around their age, maybe a couple of years older, and she definitely appeared to be out of her element. She was trying to hide herself in her phone, attempting to avoid the gaze of a couple of younger boys – high school age, maybe – who were sitting nearby. When the train stopped at the next station, Paige tipped her head in the woman's direction and led Emily over there. "Excuse me," Paige said, "are you going to the stadium?" The woman nodded with a smile. "Oh, good. We weren't sure where to get off." They knew how to get to the stadium. It was the last stop; there was no way to miss it. But they stayed there, standing next to the seated woman. Once the subway started up again, it was too loud for them to talk, but they had accomplished their goal. They had made a connection with her, letting her know – and letting the boys around her know – that she wasn't alone. Together, the three of them felt safer, somehow.

There was much less drama at the game itself. They couldn't even have told who won, or what the score is. They spent as much time wandering around the stadium, taking in the sights and the views of the city, as they did in their cramped seats – seats which ended up costing less than the soda, buffalo wings, and cotton candy that they bought. They left during the seventh inning stretch, deciding to avoid the crowds on the subway for the ride home.

Paige may not have connected the trip to the missed opportunity of the football game, but, for Emily, it was a way to close the door on that disappointing memory and replace it with what it should have been. Paige smiled at the way that Emily held her hand, writing letters on it and erasing it with her finger, as they rode the subway. It had been a good day, and she understood that Emily was happy - even though she didn't know the whole story behind her happiness.


	22. Dinner for Two (Too Soon)

Emily stood in the doorway with her right arm dangling at her side, holding onto it at the elbow with her left arm. Her body was swaying nervously. "So?" She let both arms drop down to her sides, apprehensively twiddling her fingers into and out of loose fists. Raising her eyebrows hopefully, she completed her question. "How do I look?" She stood, barefoot, on her toes, to give an idea how her outfit would hang when she put her heels on.

Hanna looked up with a big smile and bounded over to where Emily was standing. "Girl!" She spun Emily around to check her from the back before she hugged her a bit too close. "You're getting _laid_ tonight!"

That was the plan.

Emily laughed nervously. She wasn't nervous because she wasn't sure that _she_ was ready. She wasn't sure that _they_ were ready.

"I don't know, Hanna," she said, looking off to one side. Her head was making ellipses as she spoke. "We haven't been dating very long.

"Oh, please. You guys have been dating since the day you met," Hanna gruffed impatiently. "It just took you forever to admit it."

"I mean," Emily persisted, ignoring Hanna's comment, "we haven't even said..." Emily bit her lip and lowered her eyelids.

"But you know she does, Em. You know that, if you say it, Paige is going to say it back."

Emily groaned. "Why do I always have to be the first one to say it?"

"Okay, I get that, Em, but, really - does it matter?"

"She can say it to _Shana_ , after she knew her for like two seconds," Emily droned bitterly, "but she can't say it to me?"

"Emily, you know that what they had wasn't real. You know that Shana was just a substitute." Emily shrugged her shoulders. She took a deep breath, to keep the tears from starting. Hanna took her by the shoulders. "Look. Don't let Shana ruin a good night. Don't wake up tomorrow miserable because you spent all night thinking about Shana instead of thinking about your girl!"

Emily sighed deeply. "I know," she said in a weak voice.

Hanna raised her voice, like a motivational speaker. "So, who's getting laid tonight?"

"I am," Emily intoned robotically, trying to coax out a smile.

"And who's the one Paige loves?"

"I am," Robot-Emily repeated.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Get laid," Emily said softly, mockingly pumping her fist in the ear.

"Damned right you are!" Hanna gave her another hug and closed her bedroom door, shouting, "I won't wait up!"

* * *

Paige twisted the knob on the front door and pushed carefully her way inside. It felt a lot like the first time that Emily had invited her over for dinner. Leaning her head through the partially opened door, she called out, "Emily?"

This time, Emily was there to meet her in the hallway. She had on a deep red, spaghetti-strapped dress that hung loose from her body, swishing with her every movement. It was a nice length for evening: not trashy, but still flirty. She had put her heels on, of course - such as they were: two black straps, basically, that exposed most of her golden-toned feet and the silver toe-ring perched on the fourth toe of her right foot. Emily smiled, a bit relieved, at Paige's enthusiastic reaction to her outfit. She had been arguing with herself about whether or not she had overdone it.

She didn't have long to linger on that relief, though. Paige had her pressed against the wall and was urgently pressing her lips against Emily's – and against Emily's neck, going down to the neckline, between the straps of the dress. When she came up for a breath, she asked, "So, is the rest of the team coming?"

Emily laughed out loud, surprised that Paige pulled out that line from the first time that Emily had invited her over to cook dinner for her. "They'll be here any minute," she deadpanned, "so, you know. If you're planning on trying anything, you'd better make it quick!"

The next thing Emily knew, she was being hoisted off of her feet. Paige had grabbed her around the thighs and was carrying her, upright, headed for the bedroom. "Paige! Paige!" Emily squealed desperately. "I'm kidding! I'm kidding!"

Of course she was kidding. Paige knew that. She just couldn't help herself. And Emily's squeals didn't stop her on her pilgrimage to the bedroom.

"Let me turn off the stove! Let me turn off the stove!" Emily cried out with a laugh, worried about a different kind of fire.

Paige stopped in her tracks, releasing Emily with a heavy sigh. "Sorry," she said, even though she obviously wasn't. "I'll be good," she promised. Cocking an eyebrow, she added, "At least until we finish dinner."

Paige followed Emily into the kitchen, where Emily made quick work of her final preparations and plated up their meal. Paige followed her like a puppy out to the table. "Nothing for me to test this time?" Emily twisted her head towards Paige and gave her a smile that was asking for an explanation. Paige laughed, embarrassed. "Nothing... forget it. It's just... last time, you asked me to test the sauce for you," Paige admitted with a shrug, feeling silly that she had hung onto that memory which, obviously, hadn't even stuck with Emily.

"Oh, right!" Emily stopped and turned fully towards Paige, smiling wistfully at the recollection for a moment before her lips curled into an apologetic pout. "Not this time," she said sadly. A split-second later, she reconsidered "Well, wait..." She quickly set the plates on the table and put her hands on Paige's stomach as she leaned in close. "Taste this for me," she said sultrily, offering up her lips for Paige to sample.

Paige smirked slyly and took a taste.

They lingered in the kiss for what seemed like the better part of an eternity. When it ended, Paige, her lips still so close that they touched Emily's as she spoke, whispered, "Perfect." The vibration sent a shiver down Emily's spine.

Emily made a quick detour toward the light switch on the wall and turned out the overhead fixture. When she got back, she picked up a small box of matches and leaned over the table to light the two slender, red candles near its center. Paige did her best to avert her eyes as Emily leaned over. _Nothing I haven't seen before, in the locker room_ , she repeated to herself, trying to convince herself that this time wasn't any different, although it clearly was.

When Emily straightened up from lighting the candles, she adjusted the neckline of her dress in an exaggerated motion and cleared her throat softly. Paige gulped hard, trying to fight off the oncoming blush.

"So, you... uh… like wearing dresses." Paige didn't really overthink what she was saying. It was an idle observation: Emily wore dresses a lot. It wasn't even a compliment, really – and it certainly wasn't a reference to the sneak peek that Emily had given her when she lit the candles.

Emily thought about Paige's question for a moment before she decided to let Paige off the hook. She could have stuck it to her, saying something like, "Obviously, not as much as _you_ like me wearing dresses," but there was no need to tease. There would be plenty of time for that later - if they played their cards right.

For that moment, Emily played it straight. "I mean, I didn't, when I was a kid, but... Yeah. I do now. I guess. They're easy, you know? Just slip it on, and you're dressed. It kind of feels like getting away with something, if you know what I mean. It's like... going out in public in my bathrobe. I mean, when you think about it, there's nothing but a flimsy layer of fabric between my undies and the world!"

Paige's brain froze at that thought, leaving her mouth stuck in the wide open position and her fork suspended between her plate and her mouth.

"Okay, don't think about it too much, McCullers," Emily teased, with a smug wink.

Paige chuckled weakly, her fork still stuck a few inches from its target. Emily put her hand on Paige's wrist and gently guided the fork the rest of the way to her mouth, which she helped Paige close with a hand to her chin. Emily tilted her head in self-satisfaction before she turned her attention back to her plate, not letting Paige see the victorious smile on her face as she idly pushed her food around with her right hand, resting her jaw in her left hand.

_Who's getting laid tonight? I'm getting laid tonight!_

* * *

Dinner was pleasant, for the most part. Emily and Paige never did have trouble finding things to talk about. They had always felt comfortable with each other. But Paige could tell that something was troubling Emily.

"What's on your mind?"

Emily cleared her throat softly and wiped her lips with a napkin. She put her hands in her lap and looked down at the tablecloth. "I was just thinking about when I found out about you and Shana," she said.

Hanna was right. Emily knew that she shouldn't be thinking about Shana on this, of all nights. It was entirely possible that Paige would react badly and they could lose the mood. But Emily knew that Shana was going to linger in her mind unless she put it out there, and she didn't want their first time to be tainted by thoughts of Shana.

Paige nodded once, but she didn't say anything.

Emily plunged ahead, letting out a breath. "It was just surprising, you know, to hear you tell her that you loved her. I mean, no offense, but… I didn't think that you two knew each other well enough for that." Emily glanced up, to see whether she had hurt or offended her girlfriend and ruined the evening.

"To tell you the truth," Paige began, but paused, looking up at the ceiling.

Emily bit her lip, fearing what was coming next. "I… It's none of my business," she offered, with a dismissive wave of her hand - even though she really did want to talk about it.

Paige took Emily's hand before Emily could put it back in her lap. "It _was_ too soon," she said with a sigh. "Shana and I… we kind of got caught up in this vortex, you know? Like, the current carried us away, and all of a sudden, things were moving way too fast. Out of control."

Emily looked confused.

"I think that we both wanted to be able to say those words to someone," Paige clarified. "So, when she let it slip out by mistake, I kind of had to say it back, and, all of a sudden, we were stuck, you know? It shouldn't have happened when it did, but, once it did, there was no going back on it. We were kind of afraid to stop saying it, because that would've been like taking a step backwards"

Emily nodded. She looked off to the side when she said, "So, after thaty, you'll probably be a little more skeptical the next time someone says it to you."

"I guess it depends who says it!"

Emily looked down at her plate again. Paige's attempt at humor hadn't succeeded in breaking the tension.

"Emily," Paige said, squeezing Emily's hand, "Shana and I were different than the two of us. It's kind of like when they put together an all-star relay team, but the swimmers haven't swum together before, so they don't know each other's rhythm and signals. They might be good together, but they're not in sync enough to be great. But, on the other hand, if you take a team that's trained together and competed together, they don't need a lot of preparation to swim together, because they get each other; they already know how to swim together. Em, I don't have to get to know you, now that we've started dating - the way that Shana and I had to get to know each other. I already know you. And you know me. So you know that it's true – and that it's not too soon – when I tell you this: I really love you, Emily."

Emily stood up and hugged Paige's head against her stomach, kissing the top of her head as she stroked her hair in the back. "I really love you, Paige. And I'm so glad you said it, because I've wanted to say it to you for some time, now."

"I have, too, Em."

After standing like that for a bit, Emily felt Paige's head shake in laughter against her belly.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking - I wish that I were as fast at eating as I am at swimming!"

Emily stroked Paige's cheek. "Well," she cooed, "some things are best enjoyed slowly and patiently."

"I know," Paige said seductively. "That's why I'm in a hurry to get dinner over and done!"

"Screw dinner!" Emily announced confidently, pointing straight up with her index finger. She had put a lot of time into dinner, but they'd eaten dinner together before, and they would again. It somehow didn't seem as important as what Paige had in mind. When Paige released her grip on Emily's waist and started to clear her plate, Emily added, "Screw cleaning up!"

Paige caught in the euphoria of the moment, boldly shouted, "And screw…" She caught herself quickly and shook her head. "Never mind," she said, putting her hands in the air with an embarrassed smile. "I didn't think that one through all the way."

Emily took Paige's hand to help her out of her chair. She led her down the hall, to the bedroom, to finish her thought.


	23. Too Soon Two

Paige's mind was racing at a thousand miles an hour as she followed Emily. And yet, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion. The hallway had never seemed so interminably long before. Paige was taking a mental inventory of everything she had on underneath her outer layers, from her perfume to her underwear. She hadn't planned for the night to go the way that it was headed, but there they were. She just needed to trust in her choices and relax.

But she wasn't really sure that the night was headed where it seemed to be heading. Maybe Emily was only leading her to the bedroom for a make-out session. After all, they hadn't been dating for very long. Emily turned to look at her with a smile. Her eyes were asking whether or not Paige was okay with what they were going to do. Paige smiled back. Whatever Emily had in mind, Paige knew that it would be okay.

Emily sat Paige on the bed and began kissing her gently. Soon, Paige felt Emily's hands underneath her shirt, touching her navel on the way up to her bra. Paige lifted her hands over her head, and her shirt soon followed. Emily scooted back with a smile and slid the thin straps of her dress off of her shoulder, letting the top fall down around her hips where she sat.

Paige's eyes went wide. She had spent most of the night making a conscious effort not to stare at Emily's cleavage. There wasn't anything new about seeing Emily in a bra, but there was a world of difference between this time, on Emily's bed, and their many times together in the locker room. There on the bed, it was Emily's chest, right in front of her. Hers for the taking. So, why couldn't she move? She was frozen in place, completely immobile except for her eyes, which were ranging up and down, from the dress crumpled around Emily's hips, past her navel, up to her eyes, and back again.

Emily ended the deadlock by pulling Paige's hands against the cups of her strapless bra, moaning at the contact. The sound kicked Paige's mind back into gear. Her body followed immediately after.

This was it. This was what she had never allowed herself to dream of, back in the days when she wished, but didn't dare believe, that Emily might have feelings for her. That she could touch Emily's breasts, and Emily wouldn't run out of the room screaming – or slap the crap out of her.

But there they were, on Emily's bed, and Emily was letting Paige touch her; Emily _wanted_ Paige to touch her; Emily wanted Paige – end of sentence. Paige had never been so turned on.

* * *

Emily pulled back from the intense kissing, a small pop emanating from their lips as they separated. She put her hand on Paige's chest, hoping that Paige would understand.

"Too fast?" Paige's look was apologetic, guilty, and a little afraid.

Emily shook her head. "No, no!" She bit her lip pensively, unsure how to put her feelings into words, not wanting them to be misconstrued. Their relationship wasn't moving too fast, but the night itself was beginning to be a blur. Emily didn't want to stop what they were doing; she only wanted them to take their time with it. They would have plenty of opportunities for lust-filled hook-ups or quick releases of pent-up tension later on. But, for their first time, she wanted them to be able to savor every moment.

Emily wanted to adore Paige; to cherish every part of her: the warmth of her skin; the softness of her hair; the hint of her perfume; the look in her eyes, black with desire; the slight flush rising from her neck to her cheeks.

"I just want to be _with_ you, right now. In the moment. I don't want to miss a thing. I want to be... aware of everything you are."

Paige nodded. She understood. She wrapped her arms around Emily and held her firmly, concentrating on who was in her arms and what they were becoming. Running a hand through Emily's hair, she felt each strand as it passed from the tips of her fingers to the crooks in between them. She felt the soft warmth of contact, breast to breast, as Emily's heartbeat, peaceful, steady, reverberated against her chest. She felt the goosebumps that her hand raised on its pathway along Emily's back, down to the firm, supple geometry of her hips.

Their next kiss was like none that had come before it. It was more than the mere connecting of lips; it was the connecting of their minds, their spirits, their essence. And everything that it was bore witness to the fact that they were ready. It was time. Paige reached behind Emily to the nightstand and turned out the light.

* * *

Paige lay in bed observing the sleeping beauty lying next to her. She couldn't imagine a more beautiful sight. She couldn't help smiling at where life had taken them. She couldn't resist stroking a loose strand of hair away from her angel's face.

Emily slowly opened her eyes, and jumped in surprise at the sight of a face so close to hers in bed. Coming to herself, she put her hand on her heart and whispered, "Paige," contentedly.

Paige crinkled her forehead. "Are you okay?"

Emily stroked her cheek. "Sorry. I was just a little startled."

"No, I mean - are you okay with this... with what happened here?" Paige lowered her head. "I know it was a little soon."

Emily smiled softly, gently stroking her thumb over Paige's ear lobe and cheek. "It was perfect. The timing was perfect." she leaned in with a kiss and reminded Paige, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Kissing her again, Emily added, "I'm glad I waited. They say that the first time should be with the one you really love, and... well, it was worth the wait."

"So... I was... this was... your _first_?" Emily's smile dimmed a bit at Paige's response, but she nodded her head. "Whoa," Paige said softly.

"Don't act so shocked," Emily said, trying not to scoff audibly.

"Oh, no," Paige said, shuffling closer to Emily. "It's just… just… I mean, wow. That's heavy, being someone's first."

Emily rolled over onto her back, feeling exposed and a little embarrassed. She had assumed that she was Paige's first,too; – in fact, she had admitted what she did because she thought that it would make Paige feel better. But, judging from Paige's reaction, Emily had assumed incorrectly.

Apparently, the "I love yous" weren't the only thing that happened way too soon between her girlfriend and Shana. Emily started to feel sick to her stomach.

Paige rolled onto her back, to match Emily's position. She put her hand behind her head. "I'm glad that you were my first, Emily." Paige couldn't see it, but a smile started to form on Emily's face on hearing those words. "I was surprised only because I didn't think the first time was supposed to be so good," she added. "Well, then again, what the hell do I know? Maybe it wasn't all that good after all. Maybe it was horrible, but we just don't know any better. Maybe, a year from now, we'll look back at this time, and..." Paige stopped abruptly. "I'm rambling, aren't it?"

Emily laughed and rolled over on top of her girlfriend. "Yes, you are. Just kiss me, Paige McCullers!"

There was a little more kissing and cuddling before Paige spoke again. "So, when's Hanna getting back?"

"Hanna?" Emily just wanted to cuddle and enjoy their first time. Hanna was the furthest thought from her mind.

"Um, yeah... you know, I didn't know whether I needed to..." Paige pointed with her head towards the bedroom door.

"Please don't go."

"I don't want to," Paige admitted in a low, breathy purr.

Emily held her hand. "You don't have to."

"I won't." Paige hugged her, stroking her hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

* * *

"Have you got a bus to catch or something?" Emily asked, after watching, annoyed, as Paige fidgeted next to her.

"No..." Paige said definitively.

"Well, what's wrong, then?"

"Nothing." Paige tried to look convincing, but Emily's stare pierced through her façade. "It's... nothing. It's just... you know. We left all of those dishes from dinner just sitting out on the table, and..."

"And, you're not going to be able to relax until everything is tidied up and put away?"

Paige nodded weakly, biting her lip. She gave Emily an apologetic shrug.

"Too bad!" Emily sat up and straddled Paige, pinning her shoulders against the mattress. "Because I'm not letting you go anywhere!"

* * *

Hanna stumbled out of her bed and into her fuzzy slippers and faded nightshirt. She trundled down the hall towards the source of the noise that had awakened her, her arms folded in front of her. "Emily, I'm trying to... Paigey!" Hanna's eyes went wide and her voice perked up. She was immediately wide awake.

"Sorry, Hanna," Paige said softly. "I was trying to be quiet."

Hanna's arms were around her in an instant. "Oh, that's okay, Paigey," she said, in the same voice that she would've used had she been talking to her baby cousin. "You can make all the noise you want whenever you spend the night with Emily!" Hanna backed away a little, not letting Paige out of her grip, but far enough that she could look her in the eye. With her head leaning in and her eyebrow cocked, she clarified, "All. The noise. You want."

Paige's face turned bright red at the sudden realization of what Hanna was implying - that she had been in her bedroom all night, and had heard all of the goings on down the hall. Triumphant over the embarrassment that she had caused, Hanna emphatically tightened her hug, swinging Paige from side to side.

Paige heard a snicker in the doorway and looked over to see Emily, who was observing the uncomfortable scene with a satisfied smirk. "Help," she pleaded weakly, but Emily shook her head. As far as she was concerned, Paige was getting exactly what she deserved. It served her right for abandoning her girlfriend in bed in favor of a bunch of dirty dishes.

* * *

Hanna gave Paige and Emily their moment for a sweet, morning-after good-bye, staying shut away in her bedroom. She would have loved to have been there to gush over their kiss at the door and the way that Emily collapsed against it, her hand on her heart and her eyes closed, smiling wide, once she closed it behind Paige. But it was Emily's first time - and her first time with Paige - and that deserved some privacy.

Still, Hanna was waiting for Emily, sitting cross-legged on Emily's bed when she made it back to her bedroom, the smile still on her face.

The smile was replaced by a gasp when she saw Hanna on her bed. Emily clutched her chest in shock. "Hanna!"

"So," Hanna asked, wiggling her eyebrows with her eyes opened wide, "did the carpet match the drapes?"

Emily's mouth opened still wider. She pushed Hanna's shoulders, knocking her backwards against the bed. " _That's_ what you lead off with?"

"What? It's a legit question. I mean, we both know that she's not a real blonde!"

"But you don't start with that!"

"Why not? I mean, I don't need to ask whether it was good - I could hear that for myself. And from what I heard," she added out of the side of her mouth, "it's obvious that your girl works for Allstate."

Emily stared at her, somewhere between embarrassed and confused.

"You know," Hanna clarified, wiggling her fingers, "Good hands!"

Emily laughed in shock at the statement, but her eyes confirmed that it was true. She refused to be embarrassed by it, though. There was no shame in being with the woman she loved, doing something together that was truly beautiful.

Hanna kept prodding. "Seriously, Em! I didn't know you could hit that high note! I'm surprised you didn't shatter the glass in the mirror!"

"You know, Hanna, if we were so loud, you could always, oh, I don't know - put on your headphones. Or give us some privacy and leave - the way I do, whenever you have Caleb over!"

"You don't have to leave, Em! I've got nothing to be ashamed of! I know how to take care of my guy!"

Emily groaned in frustration. "My point is, there are other things that you could ask about... Like, 'How did dinner go?' 'What did you guys talk about?' 'Did Paige like your outfit?'"

"Fine!" Hanna conceded impatiently. "How did dinner go?" she parroted perfunctorily.

Hanna sat close to Emily, smiling broadly as she let Emily tell her all about the evening. She laughed, rubbed Emily's shoulder, and hugged her occasionally, genuinely enjoying hearing Emily's account of the evening.

"So, she said it first," Hanna affirmed.

"She said it first," Emily repeated wistfully.

Hanna hugged her again. "I'm so happy, Emily. It sounds like the perfect first time."

"It really was, Hanna. It was fun, we kept it light, it was special, it was..." Emily burst into laughter. "... awkward at times, but it was... perfect. She's perfect. Paige is... perfect."

"Aw," Hanna oozed. She removed her arm from Emily's shoulder and took her hand, squeezing it reverently. "So, did the carpet match the drapes?"

* * *

"I'm going to call her." Emily reached for her phone but stopped midway. "I should call her, right?" Hanna nodded, so Emily reached for her phone again, and, again, pulled back. "It's not weird, right?"

Hanna furrowed her brow, shaking her head in confusion. "Why would it be weird?"

"Yeah," Emily said, repeating the word more confidently. "Yeah! Why would it be weird? It's just one girl calling another girl..."

"Your girlfriend..."

"Calling my girlfriend! Right! I mean..." - Emily chuckled nervously - "It's not as if I'm going to say something stupid... As if I'd call her up and say, 'Hey, Paige, how's it going? That was some fun sexy-time last night, wasn't it?'"

"Emily..."

"Shit, Hanna!"

"Em, you're being weird!"

"I know, right?" Emily brushed her hands through her hair. "I can't call Paige - that would be... weird. Right?"

"Or," Hanna said, her arms spread out wide, "or... you could just call her and... oh, what the hell?... Not Be Weird!"

"Hanna," Emily whined. "Help me out! What do I sayyyyyy?"

"Ugh!" Hanna was losing her patience. "Just call your girlfriend and talk to her like a person! You do it all the time!"

Emily took a few deep breaths, pushing her palms down, from her chin to her hips, in front of her body. "I got this!" she said to herself. "I got... I got... I've got to go pee first!"


	24. Don't Worry, Baby

"Hello, Beautiful!" Paige was smiling and enthusiastic when she answered her phone.

"Can I come over?"

Paige let out a deep breath as she ended the call, standing with her hands on her hips as she scanned the room, not knowing where to begin. There was some tidying up to do, but it didn't seem important at that point.

There were three things about Emily's request, the first being that she had made it in the first place. Ordinarily, she would simply have come over. The second was that she had called rather than texted. And, third, Paige could hear the tears in her voice when she said those four short words.

Paige decided to get some coffee brewing.

When she opened the door, Emily immediately dissolved into her arms. Paige held her close. She didn't know what was troubling Emily. She didn't know what Emily needed – other than to be held.

Emily felt Paige's right arm, strong against her back as she tugged her in ever tighter. Paige's left hand was gentle as it soothed up and down the back of Emily's head. She heard a soothing, persistent "Shhh" against as she laid her head on Paige's shoulder. It didn't feel like being rebuked for crying. It felt comforting and protective, in a way that Emily hadn't felt since she was a child, running to her mom or dad when she was overwhelmed.

Emily heard the door close behind them and realized that Paige had maneuvered her inside the apartment. Then, she heard something else. Paige was saying something very softly. No – she was singing.

 _Don't worry, Baby_  
Everything will turn out all right  
Don't worry, Baby  
Don't worry, Baby

Emily hadn't been expecting that at all. Nor did she expect the words that came out of her mouth as she tilted her head back and looked at Paige. "Sing that song you sang before," she insisted. Paige looked confused. "In German," Emily clarified.

Paige chuckled lightly and obliged, singing the song that her grandmother used to sing to her when she was a child.

Emily knew the physiological benefits of hugs. Their swim coach had driven that point home. Hugs weren't just for solidarity or team spirit: They lower blood pressure and the stress hormone; they cause the body to release endorphins and serotonin. But it wasn't the medical benefits of hugging Paige McCullers. It was the feeling of being protected; the feeling of being home.

Paige's singing became softer as she felt Emily's heart, beating against her chest as they embraced, slow it's rhythm. Emily's her breathing become less labored and unsteady, and her fists, which had been balled up behind Paige's back, released into flattened palms. Paige, too, felt relief: She had brought Emily back from the brink.

* * *

Emily awoke with her head still on Paige's chest. Paige was lying beneath her, with her head uncomfortably propped up against the armrest of the couch. Emily winced at how painful it must've been for Paige. She had no recollection of how or when they got there.

"Paige?" Her voice came out weak and sleepy. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Paige?"

Paige's eyes opened slowly. She looked up, startled, and quickly pulled Emily in close again before she relaxed with a sigh, realizing that Emily was safe. "How are you?"

Emily slid off of the couch, onto her knees. "Sorry," she said with a pitying look. "Your neck must be killing you." She reached out to rub Paige's neck, but Paige captured her wrist.

"How are you?" she repeated.

"I'm… okay," Emily breathed out, turning her face away from Paige. She was embarrassed at having gone running to her girlfriend because of a crisis that no longer seemed like such a big deal.

Paige stood, taking Emily with her, still holding her wrists. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Emily bit her lip. "Not really…"

"Oh, thank God!" Paige said, with an over-the-top sigh, earning herself a slap across the shoulder. She smiled apologetically. "Seriously, though, Em. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but, if it will help…" She leaned her head closer to Emily's. "I'm all ears."

Emily let out a deep breath. "I just don't want to start crying all over again."

"Hey." Paige squeezed Emily's wrists. "Sometimes, crying is the best thing for you."

Emily couldn't deny that she felt better after releasing tears onto Paige's shoulders. But she felt silly admitting to Paige how she had gotten into that state. "I don't know," she said, collapsing backwards against the couch. "It was a series of things, I guess. I was unprepared in Lit class, of course, the one day the prof calls on me, and then he launched into this whole thing about how we're not in high school anymore and we have to be responsible for our education and blah blah blah, and I'm sitting there like the scarlet woman…" Emily realized she didn't get that right. "You know what I mean…"

Paige nodded, not wanting Emily to get caught up in that detail.

"So, I got home, and Hanna's got her design stuff all over the apartment, there's no place to sit down and relax, and Caleb spent the night last night, and ate all my protein bars in the morning, and she's just like, 'Well, he needed protein! I wore him out!' So, I really let her have it, and she kept saying it wasn't a big deal, and she just didn't get it and I…" Emily growled out of frustration. Paige moved her head onto her shoulder and caressed it. "I'm sorry," Emily said softly. "I'm just being a baby."

"Em," Paige said firmly, "I get it. And you don't ever have to apologize for your feelings."

"Yeah, but I should've just dealt with it. I didn't have to bother you with all of… that."

Paige smiled. "I love that you came to me, Emily. Do you know how good it makes me feel that I'm the one you come to when you're going through something?"

Emily smiled weakly and kissed Paige. "You probably had something to do this afternoon."

"Nothing that can't wait," Paige said, honestly. "Nothing more important than you."

Emily stroked Paige's cheek and rested her head against Paige's shoulder again. "You're sweet."

"And you must be hungry." Paige couldn't get the protein bars out of her head.

Emily sat up, slapping her hands against her knees. "I can make us something."

"You sit. I'll make us something."

Emily laughed. "You're going to cook?"

Paige pretended to be offended. "Em, what do you think I do when I get hungry?"

"Honestly? – Ramen noodles and whatever Pru cooks?"

"Oh, shut up!" Paige gave Emily a playful shove. Emily's smile widened. She had all but forgotten her bad day. It was just good laughing and teasing her girlfriend.

"Where _is_ Pru, by the way?"

Paige opened her mouth, but only a breath came out. She tilted her head. "I'm… not sure. I'm guessing she's the one who put the blanket on us."

"Mmm." Emily leaned in and kissed Paige. "You've got a great roommate, you know?"

Paige lifted Emily's head by the chin so she could look into her eyes. "So do you," she said sincerely, leaning her head in a little with each word.

"Yeah," Emily said with a sigh. "I guess I should call her."

Paige stood up, pulling Emily to her feet as well. "You do that," she told her. "I'll get started on dinner."

Emily nodded, turning to grab her phone. She took a step and turned around again. "Thanks, Paige." She gave her a kiss. "For everything."

"You're welcome… for everything."

* * *

Emily insisted on doing the dishes. It was the least that she could do, after Paige had made dinner. And done everything else. Paige was hovering, fighting hard to let Emily do all of the work, even though doing nothing went against her every instinct.

As Emily dried her hands over the sink, Paige walked behind her and put her arms around her waist. Emily leaned her head back and smiled.

"It's really getting cold out there," Paige pointed out.

"Yeah. I guess Old Man Winter's finally here."

"Right? I'd hate to be out on a night like this."

Emily nodded, using the towel that she had just used on her hands to wipe up around the sink.

"What time do you have class in the morning?"

"Umm… 10:00. History."

"Well, that's not bad. You can sleep in, get a good breakfast before class…"

Emily shook her head with a knowing smile. She turned around and linked her wrists behind Paige's neck. "Yes, Paige."

"Yes?"

"Yes, I'll stay over tonight."

Paige exhaled an exaggerated sigh. "Okay, if you insist!"

* * *

Paige climbed into bed behind Emily and wrapped her arm around her waist. "My old sweatshirt looks good on you!"

"Yeah?" Emily said leaning her head back. "Well, good. Because you might not get it back."

Paige laughed. "You won't hear me complaining." She stroked Emily's belly. "Mmm... It's much softer than I remembered, too."

Emily rolled her eyes. "That's my stomach, Paige." She reached for Paige's hand and moved it to the outside of the sweatshirt. " _This_ is the sweatshirt."

"Oh." Paige sounded disappointed. "Well, that's nowhere near as soft!" Reaching underneath her sweatshirt again, she let her fingers range higher. "And it's really soft up here! Oh, wait. Except for riiiiight here… Right here, it's surprisingly hard!"

Emily opened her mouth to utter some mock-protest over the fact that Paige was playing with her nipple, but a moan was all that she could manage. Encouraged by the sound, Paige began kissing and nibbling Emily's neck.

"Paige…" Emily protested through a moan. "What about Pru?" Emily was rapidly getting beyond the point of caring.

"It's okay," Paige assured her, in her softest, sultriest voice. "She already knows I'm gay."

* * *

Emily slowly started to stir as she lay in Paige's strong, protective arms. "What time is it?"

"It's early," Paige said softly with a kiss to the back of Emily's neck. "Go back to sleep."

"I'm not sleeping," Emily said with a yawn. "Just... thinking."

"About?"

"About..." Emily hesitated for a moment before she admitted, "About how nice it'll be next year. When we're roommates. Waking up like this all the time." Emily turned quickly in Paige's arms and glanced at her eyes before hiding her face in her hands, against Paige's chest.

They had never talked about moving in together. They had only spent the night with each other on a couple of occasions. She didn't know how Paige would react when she risked throwing it out there. But it was Paige, she realized, who always talked about how strong their connection was. How bad could her reaction be?

She could feel Paige's chest rising and falling in laughter. She looked up apologetically, but before she could backtrack, Paige's laughter became more pronounced.

"Okay," she said, chastened but trying not to be annoyed. "It's not _that_ funny."

"I'm just thinking - this time next year, you'll be running to Hanna, complaining about how annoying I can be!"

Emily began laughing, too, partly in relief, partly enjoying the experience of laughing with Paige. When the laughter stopped, she put her hands on Paige's shoulders. "So, you don't think it's too soon to think about moving in together?"

"Come here," Paige said, putting her hands behind Emily's head and pulling her in for a long, hard kiss. "Too soon," she said dismissively, between kisses. "Not soon enough!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Paige sang is "Don't Worry, Baby" by the Beach Boys.


	25. Come Dancing

"How about this one?" Emily held a dress in front of herself. Paige nodded less than enthusiastically. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere. "Not good?"

"It's fine," Paige assured her.

Emily lowered the dress and her shoulders. Her expression dropped, too, and she half-pouted. "You're not backing out on me?"

"Don't make me go," Paige whined, hunching over and pleading with her eyes.

" 'Make you go?' You don't _want_ to go dancing with me?"

Their sophomore year was almost over. They were both finished with finals and only had the end of the year team meetings between them and the summer. It had been a good year: The team had done well, they had both done well in their classes - and in their relationship - and Emily wanted to celebrate.

"Em, you know I'm no good at dancing!"

"And you know," Emily explained impatiently, for the thousandth time, "that it's not about being good. It's about having fun!" Emily put an enthusiastic smile on her face and busted a couple of moves, using the dress that she was holding as her dance partner. Her enthusiasm was not contagious. Paige was unmoved.

"See? I can't move like that, Emily!"

Emily, still dancing, offered, "I could show you some moves!"

Paige stepped close to Emily, their noses almost touching. "I bet you could," she intoned suggestively. Emily shoved her away with a laugh. "You know my body doesn't work like yours," Paige lamented.

"Are you kidding me? You're a highly trained athlete! Your body is a finely tuned instrument!"

"Well, if you want me to do the swim" - Paige mimed a couple of freestyle strokes - "or the fish" - she hollowed her cheeks and shook her tail - "or the dive..."

"That's not a dance!"

Paige, undeterred, joined her hands over her head and pretended to dive. Emily rolled her eyes.

"Anyway, any of those would be _fine_ ," Emily pleaded, hanging the dress up again.

"I'd look ridiculous."

"Well, what about field hockey? You had have had some sweet moves to play field hockey!"

"Yeah, right," Paige mocked. "I could body-check you!" She pulled Emily's towel out to the side and checked her body, gawking eagerly, with her eyes wide and her tongue hanging out of her mouth.

"Paige!" Emily crumpled into herself, hiding her body from Paige, as if Paige didn't already have every inch of it memorized. Paige let the towel drop. Emily didn't bother to pick it up. She turned her attention back to the closet. "It'll be fun. I promise."

Paige was silent. When Emily turned to check on her, she saw a look of genuine dread on her face. Emily rolled her eyes and went back to the closet, shifting the hangers around as she tried to find something to wear. "You know, you remind me of this kid in the swimming program, when I taught the six-year-olds at the community center last summer." Emily explained that there were always some kids who took to the water immediately, some who were neutral, and some who were absolutely miserable. By the end of the summer, once they learned how to swim, all of the kids moved into the group that loved the pool. "Except for Eric," Emily said. "He looked just as miserable in the water at the end of the program as he did at the beginning."

"Wait - you swam with 'Eric' behind my back?"

Emily chuckled and played along. "It was before we were together... He means nothing to me, I swear! He's in my past..."

"Did you show _him_ some moves?"

Emily whipped her head around and gasped in shock. "Paige! He was _six years old!"_

Paige threw her hands up. "Oh, God - I wasn't... I didn't... I didn't think that through! Erase that! Erase that!"

Emily drew close to Paige, grabbing her by the collar. It was kind of surreal for Paige; Emily was obviously trying to be tough, but Paige couldn't get past the fact that the most beautiful woman in the world was pressing her naked body against her while trying to appear threatening.

"I'll forget what you said on one condition," Emily rumbled.

"I take you to bed right now and we forget all about this dancing nonsense?"

Emily narrowed her eyes, glaring straight into Paige's.

"Okay, okay!" Paige put her hands up. "I'll go! I'll dance!"

"Not just dance," Emily half-whined. "Promise me that you'll at least attempt to enjoy yourself."

"I will," Paige conceded. She could never possibly say no to Emily.

Emily kissed her softly on the lips, her voice just as soft as she muttered, "Thank you." Squealing in delight, she twirled around, holding hands with Paige above their heads - as if Paige were twirling her - and got back to the business of finding an outfit.

* * *

"Oh, come on," Emily said as she locked the car and took Paige's hand. "It's dancing. It's not as if I'm asking you to give me a kidney or something."

"Do you need a kidney?" Paige offered. Anything to get out of dancing.

"Paige!" Emily was half-whining. She knew that Paige was only joking; still, she wanted it to be something fun that they could both enjoy. "I swear, I'm not this whiny when you make me watch those horror movies with you!"

"Well, first of all, those are classics of the American cinema, and you should be thanking me for exposing you to them…"

"Uh huh. And, second of all, you know how much I hate being scared, and you only make me watch because you want me to cuddle up next to you for protection."

It was true that Paige liked the feeling of being Emily's protector; her safe place. But she wasn't willing to concede. "No, actually, I like to laugh at the way that you scream at the TV, giving a running commentary. 'Run, fool!' 'You'd better get out of that house!' 'What's wrong with you? You're not going to be able to escape in those heels!'" Paige put her hand on Emily's cheek and kissed her.

When they got to the club, Paige opened the door, and they entered. Emily took a look around, to get the vibe. "Oh, no!" She pointed her chin at the opposite side of the room, where Ashley was standing with her back against the wall. Emily moved herself behind Paige. "Do you think she saw us?"

Paige shook her head. "Do you want to go?"

There were plenty of parties going on at Drexel that night, but Emily wanted to go off-campus and get away from their fellow students. For one thing, she thought that Paige might be able to relax and enjoy herself more if she didn't have to worry about having people she knew see her on the dance floor. But, apparently, she wasn't the only one with the idea of getting away from campus for the night. And she definitely wouldn't be able to relax if she had to deal with Ashley. Her eyes lingered for a moment. She nodded. "Yeah. I'm really not up for that tonight."

Paige turned around, putting her arm around Emily's waist, and guided her through the door. "Maybe she's waiting for Shana," she joked. "That would be kind of funny if our exes ended up…" Paige noticed the icy glare that Emily was giving her. She closed her mouth and put her hands up, realizing that it wouldn't be so funny after all. "So, shall we just go home?"

Paige was joking, but Emily was tired of fighting to have a good time when everything seemed to be working against it. She sighed heavily. "I guess," she said sadly. "I guess it's just not in the cards for tonight."

Paige pressed Emily against the wall of the building that they were walking by and gave her a kiss – just one, but it was the kind that made Emily's knees weak. In a low, sensual voice, she told her, "You look way too hot tonight to sit at home and watch Netflix." She put her hand on Emily's cheek. "We'll find a place."

Emily smiled as she took Paige's hand and started walking again. "I actually know a place."

* * *

"What's so funny?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why do you have that big smile on your face."

"Huh? Oh, nothing." Paige wasn't really aware of the fact that she was smiling on the outside, but she definitely knew why she was smiling on the inside. She ran her free hand through her hair. "I was just thinking – I love this city. I mean, the fact that you and I can walk around in public… like this." – she held up their clasped hands to show what she meant.

"Yeah," Emily said, agreeing. "Although, I'm sure there are some places in Philly where it wouldn't go over too well."

"Yeah, I guess. Still – compared to living in a small town. I mean, did you have any problems with Rosewood?"

Emily took a second to think it over. "No, not really. I guess Rosewood's a small enough town, you know? It's not that everybody knows everybody, but it kind of feels that way. So, when people saw me with a girl, they either knew me or the girl, so…"

"I get that." A few paces later, Paige said, "Well, it definitely wouldn't go over so well where I'm from. And not just the lesbian thing, but the fact that you're…"

Paige trailed off, so Emily filled in the blank. "Asian?"

"Canadian, actually," Paige said, keeping a straight face. "The Asian thing, wouldn't be an issue."

Emily pushed herself away from Paige. "See? This is why I don't tell you things!"

Emily's father was posted with the US consulate in Canada early in his Army career, and the fact that Emily was born in Vancouver technically gave her dual citizenship in the US and Canada. It was a fact that Paige liked to use to taunt her from time to time. Emily very few recollections of Canada; she was less than two years old when they moved back to the US. Still, Paige insisted on teasing her for her supposed Canadian accent and Canadian ways. Emily had never heard of poutine until Paige brought it up.

* * *

The club that Emily had in mind was on that she and her friends used to sneak into with their fake IDs when they headed into the city and and pretended to be sophisticated urban ladies. The place had a different feel about it when she and Paige entered; there were a bunch of kids there, who looked as if it was their first trip into Philadelphia, and who all seemed to be trying very hard to look like natives. Emily couldn't help laughing at the realization of how silly she and her friends must've looked.

"This place has changed since I used to come here," she said apologetically as she led Paige by the hand to a table in the corner.

Paige gave her a genuine smile. "I like it!" It was just good to be out – in every sense of the word – with Emily.

The DJ was actually half-decent, and she had Emily swaying to the music as she and Paige sat on their tall chairs around a round, narrow table for two. Paige kept waiting for Emily to ask her to dance, but Emily seemed content just to sit there and sip their drinks. Finally, Paige hopped off of her chair and offered Emily her hand. "Let's do what we came here for!"

"Oh, Paige," Emily said, not stepping out of her chair, "we don't have to. I'm having a good time just being here, really." It was true. She appreciated the fact that Paige had gone to the club with her and was willing to dance, but she didn't want to force her.

"Well, I am, too. But we came here to blow off some steam, so, I say we do it!"

Emily smiled, stepping out of her chair. "Well, if you insist!"

* * *

"Hey! You've been holding out on me!" Emily said, shouting over the music.

Paige feigned innocence. "Huh?"

"How come I never knew you could dance like this?"

Paige laughed. "You like?" Emily linked her wrists behind Paige's head and swiveled her hips, the expression on her face giving Paige her answer. "Well," Paige shouted, aiming her lips at Emily's ear, "I couldn't dance like this. Not before. But I've been working on it."

Emily laughed. "You little sneak!"

Paige shrugged. "Surprise!"

"You made me drag you out, kicking and screaming, but you couldn't wait to show me your moves, could you?"

"Couldn't let all of Hanna's hard work go to waste!"

"Hanna?" Paige nodded."Your new bestie? What's that all about?"

"I know, right? She's been really chummy ever since you and I started..." Paige let the thought trail off.

"Dating?"

"Sleeping together."

Emily's head snapped back in shock. When she recovered, she started laughing. "Well, that's..."

"Weird, I know. Like, she hasn't been this friendly to me since you and Ashley were going out."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I guess it's like... I broke through the barrier, you know?" Emily's head snapped back again and she cocked an eyebrow. "Metaphorically, of course!"

"Of course," Emily teased.

"But, you know... Once you... let me in - " Paige quickly added, "to your HEART -" concluding, with a shrug, "I guess that meant I was okay."

"You should've come to me, though! You know, I taught Hanna everything she knows about dancing!"

"Yeah, right!"

"I'm serious! She was trying to get a scholarship for a college out west - She didn't tell you? - and she wanted to do a dance audition and…" Emily shook her head. It was too much to try to explain on the college dance floor.

"I know," Paige said. "She told me. She told me about the audition, and that's when she learned the most important thing about dancing."

"Which was?"

"Have fun, be yourself."

Emily groaned. "That's exactly what I've been telling you about dancing – like, forever!"

Paige smiled and shrugged. It was different, when the advice came from an impartial friend, and someone who wasn't just trying to get her out on the dance floor.

* * *

Emily looked at Paige, as if she were going to say something, but she didn't. They were taking a break from the dance floor, back at their table in the corner. Emily shook her head.

"What?"

"It's just weird - you being friends with Hanna."

"Why? Because she's so..." The look Emily gave told Paige to choose her words carefully. She was talking about Emily's best friend, after all. "... unlike me?"

"No, not that, it's just - you being friends with my best friend. I mean, how am I supposed to complain about you to Hanna when you're friends with Hanna?"

Paige dropped her jaw in mock-shock. "Have I ever given you anything to complain about."

"Yeah - have you got an hour? That would get me through page one of my complaints." Emily squeezed Paige's hand. "No, but seriously, though. I think it's great that you get along with my friends. That wasn't always the case with my girlfriends. But still... you don't think it's weird? Like, what if I were friends with Pru?"

Paige laughed. "So, you're telling me I have to break up with Hanna?"

"Yeah," Emily teased. "Break up with her. But I'll let you have Caleb."


	26. Those Other Women

Paige handed Emily her soda and the nachos that she had picked up for the two of them, scooting past her to take a seat on the bleachers. As she sat down, she noticed a woman in the bleachers on the opposite side of the auditorium looking at her. The woman smiled shyly and gave Paige a shy wave. Paige raised her soda cup in the girl's direction, smiling affably.

"Where do I know that girl from?" she asked Emily, subtly nodding her head in the woman's direction.

Emily glanced over to see whom Paige was referring to. The woman was looking between the two of them, as if trying to figure out whether or not they were together. Emily rolled her eyes and made a show of taking Paige's hand, placing both of their hands in Paige's lap. Paige let go of Emily's hand, putting her arm around Emily's shoulder and pulling her closer, with the nachos between them. She paused to give her a kiss before setting Emily's head on her shoulder.

The woman on the other side scowled, shook her head, and turned her attention back to the game.

"Oh – never mind," Paige said, oblivious. "I guess she had us confused with someone else."

Emily lifted her head from Paige's shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Okay, Paige, you don't have to be so… naïve." Emily was thinking "clueless," but "naïve" sounded nicer.

Paige chuckled, her mouth open wide. "What?"

"Look, I know you come from Tiny Town, Pennsylvania, where everybody knows your name and everybody smiles and waves and asks how you're doing when you run into each other at the general store…"

"Okay, first of all, it's not 'Tiny Town,'" Paige said, matching the sarcasm in her voice with the sarcasm Emily had used. "It's _Littleburg_." Emily scoffed, and Paige continued, "and, as I've told you many times, it's named after the town's founder, Stafford Little, not because it's a little town."

"Yeah. And how big is it?"

"And second of all," Paige said, talking over Emily's retort, "It's kind of nice to be friendly with people! It helps develop a sense of community. We could use a little of that in Philadelphia! I mean, come on! 'The City of Brotherly Love,' right?"

"Well, Paige, when someone gives you that kind of look, it's not _brotherly_ love she's after," Emily pointed out, adding, under her breath, "More like _sisterly_ love."

It took Paige a moment to process what Emily was talking about. When it hit her, she nudged Emily with her shoulder. "You're crazy!"

In some ways, it sucked to have such a beautiful girlfriend. Emily got accustomed to _The Look_ , when she and Paige were walking together. Girls - and guys - would smile at Paige, then look over at Emily, then back to Paige, as if trying to process whether or not the two of them were together. And Emily got used to making not-so-subtle moves - usually taking Paige's hand; sometimes something bolder. Paige, meanwhile, seemed totally oblivious to what was going on. She always smiled, happy that Emily was being affectionate, and returned the show of affection.

It was annoying.

* * *

As Emily sat on her bed, facing Hanna, she realized how lucky she was to have her for a roommate. Sure, Hanna drove her crazy sometimes, but Hanna was also the one who was there to talk her down when she was going crazy on her own. Or when Paige was driving her crazy.

"Okay, Hanna. Say you were dating this gorgeous girl, and women are always flirting with her…"

"Wait, so, am I a girl or a guy?"

Emily shook her head, raising her hands in disbelief. "You're a girl… you're _me_."

Hanna shrugged her shoulders, as if she had no possible way of knowing that.

"So, girls are always flirting with her…"

"So, the girl is Paige?"

Emily grunted, closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose. "Yes, _of course_ , the girl is Paige!"

"So, we're talking about you and Paige?" Emily took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down, and nodded slowly. "Oh, so, what's the problem? You know Paige is as loyal as a Labrador. You know she'd never cheat on you!"

"I know, but…"

"But nothing," Hanna insisted. "Remember? The mango yogurt?"

Paige always ate a tub of Greek yogurt, always peach, for breakfast. It was like a ritual, or even a religious duty with her. Always one tub. Always Greek yogurt. Always peach.

One Saturday, when the four of them – Paige, Emily, Hanna, and Pru – were getting breakfast at a coffee shop, Paige selected her usual peach yogurt and an energy drink from the refrigerated case, and, Emily, seeing mango yogurt next to the peach in the same case, decided to give that a try. It was really good, as she told Paige, offering her a taste.

Paige's eyes closed and she moaned, closing her eyes as she savored it. "Wow," she said. "That's really creamy and good!"

Emily smiled to herself, happy that she'd found something that Paige liked. "So, I guess you have a couple of options for breakfast, now," she remarked cheerfully.

Paige chuckled nervously and dipped her head, giving herself another spoonful of her peach yogurt.

"Remember the whole crisis of identity that Paige had after that?" Hanna prodded.

"Okay, I know she'd never cheat on me," Emily conceded. "But what if I'm like peach yogurt to her? She knows there's something better out there, and she's only sticking with me out of her sense of loyalty."

"Emily…"

"What?" Emily lowered her head, looking at the nails on her left hand. That's the moral of the peach yogurt story!"

"Okay, first of all, you're not peach yogurt! If anything, you're the mango yogurt in that story." Emily twitched her lips and hunched her shoulders. She certainly didn't feel like the mango yogurt, when all the other exotic flavors of yogurt were constantly throwing themselves at her girlfriend. "And, second, she wouldn't just stick with you out of loyalty. She dumped Shana, right?"

"Shana dumped her!"

"Shana dumped her?" Emily nodded sadly. "Well, what the hell was Shana's problem? Seriously? Shana dumped her?"

"Shana dumped her," Emily said in a sad monotone, not really feeling up to rehashing the whole Shana situation, "because she knew that she never had Paige's heart."

"Aha!" Hanna yelled, almost leaping off of the bed. She startled Emily so much that Emily almost fell off the bed herself. "That's it, Em! Do _you_ have Paige's heart?"

"Yes," Emily admitted weakly.

"Yeah, you do!" Hanna affirmed. "And does she give a shit about those other girls?"

"That's the point, Hanna! She doesn't even know that they're flirting with her, so she doesn't shut them down!"

"Aw, Em!" Hanna wrapped Emily in her arms and hugged her. "Don't you see? You've got your girl so hung up on you that she doesn't even notice anybody else!"

"Yeah," Emily said dismissively. " _That's_ what's going on." Emily wasn't ready to admit it, but she hoped that what Hanna said was true.

"Now we've just got to teach her how to shut down those other chicks!"

* * *

Emily took a quick look over at Paige, in the passenger seat, and turned her attention back to the road. "Nervous?"

Paige shook her head. "Not really."

It wasn't Paige's first time in Rosewood. She had met and gotten along with Emily's mother. But this was different than that Thanksgiving weekend, when Paige only really saw Pam and Hanna. This time, they were going to be in Rosewood for the first week of summer vacation, and they would certainly run into a few of Emily's old friends.

Paige tried to joke about it. "So, is it just going to be a non-stop parade of all your ex-girlfriends this week?"

Emily shot her a glare and went back to driving. "Really, Paige? That's what you think of me?"

Paige rubbed Emily's forearm. Emily moved her arm out from under Paige's hand, putting her hand on the steering wheel.

"I didn't mean it like that, Em. I just know that… you dated a lot of girls back in high school."

Emily ran her hand through her hair, trying not to let the situation devolve into a full-blown fight. "It wasn't _a lot of girls_ , Paige," she said, her voice louder than she intended, and obviously annoyed.

"I'm sorry, Em," Paige said in a soft voice. "It's just… kind of intimidating. I mean, sometimes, I wonder why someone like you would even date someone like me. And the thought of seeing the girls you used to date, I…" Paige sighed, letting the thought drop.

Emily took a calming breath. She remembered her conversation with Hanna, and how insecure it made her feel to see other girls flirting with Paige. She turned towards Paige, nodding her head. "Okay. I get that. But it wasn't a lot of girls. I had one serious relationship in high school…"

"Maya?"

Emily nodded. "And, after that it was… I don't know. I didn't really know how to be alone, I guess, so I just found girls to make me feel… not alone."

"Like Ashley?" Paige asked tentatively.

Emily scoffed. "Ashley was a long-term relationship by comparison with the girls in high school." Emily shook her head as she thought it over. "If my life were a TV show, all those other girls were like one or two episodes max, you know what I mean? Like, if the writers were really lazy and said, 'Oh, we haven't put Emily together with anyone for a while – how about we throw the new barista at her, or the head of the LGBTQ club from another school, or some cringe-worthy older female coworker - or some supposedly mysterious blonde chick with a troubled past, whom she just feels like punching in the face by the end…" Emily winced a little at that last recollection. It left Paige confused.

"I find it hard to believe you'd feel like punching _anyone_ , Em."

"Trust me," Emily huffed out, shaking her hand. "If you'd known her, you'd believe it." Paige put her hand on Emily's thigh, and Emily covered it with her hand. "Trust me, Paige, if you meet anyone from my past, she was either a mistake, a bad decision, or a regret."

Paige switched the position of their hands, putting hers on top of Emily's and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry you went through all that."

Emily shrugged. "It was who I was back then. I had a lot of growing up to do, and I did it. If anything, it just makes me appreciate what I've got with you."

Paige leaned over to give Emily a kiss on the cheek. Emily smiled and tried to turn her attention back to driving. There was something on her mind, but she wasn't sure how to bring it up, without making it appear that she was trying to minimize or deflect Paige's insecurity by bringing up her own. She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed, without really realizing that she had done so. Paige couldn't help picking up on the sigh, though. "Are you okay?"

Emily smiled weakly. "I'm... not really sure how to tell you this," she said. Paige angled her body towards Emily and smiled expectantly, thinking that it was going to be one of those embarrassing stories that Emily didn't like to admit. When Emily patted her comfortingly on the thigh, though, Paige realized that it was something more serious.

"I... um... I had a talk with Hanna last week." Emily glanced over at Paige. Paige bit her lip. "About us."

"Okay." There was a hint of dread in Paige's voice. Fear made her forget that she was driving to Rosewood to spend time with Emily's family and friends. She worried that Emily had finally come to her senses about her, the way that she had come to her senses about all of those other girls.

"Paige." Emily was trying to be gentle. "Do you know how it feels when people flirt with your girlfriend right in front of you?"

"People are flirting with you?" Paige sat up quickly, concerned that she wasn't protecting Emily from unwanted advances, the way that a girlfriend should.

"Ugh... God, Paige. _You_. They're flirting with you."

"I'm sorry?" Paige recalled a couple of times when Emily pointed out the fact that people had been flirting with her.

"It's not your fault. And I'm not upset with you. I know that you don't encourage it. But I can't help but feel, you know? Why would you settle for me when there are all these other women out there?"

"Emily, I would never..."

"I know you wouldn't," Emily asserted. "I know you're loyal. But I don't want you to stick with me just because you're loyal."

"Emily..."

Part of Emily knew that she was being irrational, but, whatever it was, she needed reassurance that what Paige felt for her was still real; that the desire was still there; that she wasn't just sticking with Emily because it was easier than letting go.

"Emily, pull over." Paige pointed to the shoulder on the side of the road.

"I'm fine, Paige," Emily protested, though the quiver in her voice showed that she wasn't. "I can drive."

"Please?"

Emily pulled over to the side and put the car in park, dropping her forehead into the palms of her hand. Paige undid their seat belts and pulled Emily close. "Come here," she said, pressing her cheek against Emily's head. "I love _you_ , Emily, okay? I want to be with you - only you. I want to build us our lives together." Paige kissed Emily's hair. "You believe me, don't you?"

Emily separated herself from Paige so that she could look her in the eye as she nodded her reply. "And you believe me?"

"Of course I do."

"Okay," Emily said softly, a smile finally creeping across her lips.

"Do you want me to drive for a bit?"

Emily shook her head. "We're not far from a rest area. Why don't we take a lunch break?"

* * *

"Okay," Emily said, smiling at Paige, "I probably shouldn't tell you this but…" She looked over to gauge Paige's reaction. Paige had the look of someone who was waiting for the doctor to give her the results of a biopsy. She wasn't sure how many more revelations she could take.

Emily stroked her cheek to assure her that it wasn't bad news. She didn't want Paige to be in the bad kind of suspense. Things were still a bit strained after their conversation in the car, and she wanted to reassure Paige of her feelings, the way that Paige had reassured her. But it was going to be hard for her to tell Paige, because it was the embarrassing kind of news.

"Okay. Here goes," she continued. "Last summer? When I had sworn off relationships? So, my Mom came out as Team Paige."

"Team Paige?"

"Oh yeah. I mean, she was, like, hardcore Team Paige," Emily said with a laugh and another check of Paige's facial expression. Paige was wearing a nervous smile. "She… was definitely making a strong push for Paily. I even told her about all the times that I tried to get your attention and you shot me down, to try to get her to stop dreaming about you."

"I didn't shoot you down," Paige said sadly, dipping her head.

"I know," Emily said softly, reaching for Paige's hand. "My point is… you know how moms _know_ things? Like, they have perspective, when you're all blinded by emotion?"

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I never really had that kind of relationship with my Mom," she admitted. Emily shot her a sympathetic pout, but Paige assured her that it was okay. "Go on," she urged.

"Well, I mean, my Mom saw all those girls I used to date, and she knew that there was nothing to them. But, like, without even meeting you… I don't know. She could just tell that there was something different about what I felt for you. Even back when we weren't together."

"Aw…" Emily had given Paige a huge advantage, and Paige playfully seized on it. She got up from her seat and walked around to Emily's side of the table to give her an exaggerated hug. "You love me, Emily Fields!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever, McCullers!"


	27. Paige McGirlfriend

Pam Fields was bursting with nervous energy. She was trying to stay calm and play it cool, but there was no way that was happening. She kept checking her watch and checking the window. They must've been stuck in traffic.

_They_. Her daughter and her daughter's girlfriend. She knew it. She had been right about Paige all along.

"Now, don't make a big deal about this, Pam," she said to herself - softly, but out loud. "It's not as if you've never met one of Emmy's girlfriends before." But she was kidding herself. It _was_ a big deal. This wasn't just a girlfriend. Emily might not know, but a mother knows, she told herself.

She hugged Prince around his neck. "Oh, what's taking them so long, Boy?" _  
_

Pam wanted to call or text Emily for an update, but she knew that she would be driving. She wished she had Paige's phone number. She would have to get it before they left. "Why didn't Emmy tell Paige to call and let me know where they are?" she asked Prince.

_Finally_. Prince started barking and ran to the window when he heard the sound of Emily's engine as her car pulled into the driveway. Pam sat down, too fast, in the recliner and picked up a sale circular from the coffee table, to try to look casual. _This is ridiculous. Who reads the sales circular?_ Besides, she realized that she would have to open the door for them. Emily had her own key, of course, but Pam couldn't wait. She leapt to her feet and walked quickly to the front door, prince trailing behind her with his tail wagging.

Paige was getting the bags from the trunk when Pam opened the door. She handed one to Emily, who put the strap over her shoulder and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Pam smiled at the way they interacted - like a real couple. They moved in sync with each other, as if they knew what the other was going to do.

Emily looked tired as she walked up to the front porch. Paige put her hand on Emily's back and rubbed it, and Emily rewarded her with a smile. Paige let her lead the way up the stairs to the porch, taking the bag from her shoulder so that she could hug her mother.

"Emmy!" Pam said enthusiastically as she hugged her daughter and Prince looked on, awaiting his turn. As they separated, Pam pushed Emily's bangs away from her eyes and asked about the traffic. Emily told her that the traffic hadn't been too bad, explaining that they had decided to break up the trip and stop for lunch, although she didn't go into the whole story behind that pit stop. Pam gave her a motherly, "you should've called me" look.

Paige was still standing behind Emily, holding all the bags that they would need for their stopover in Rosewood and looking off to the side, not wanting to intrude on the mother-daughter moment. Pam gave Emily another hug, to let her know that she was forgiven, before she pushed past her to wrap Paige up in a hug of her own. Pam's arms had Paige's arms pinned to her side, so she wasn't able to return the hug. The force of the hug made her let go of the bags that she had been holding. She could only look helplessly at Emily as Pam rocked her from side to side,almost lifting her off the ground.

Pam had met Paige before, of course. And she had met Emily's girlfriends before - lots of them. But she had never met Paige McGirlfriend. _Paige McFutureWife_ , if she had any say in the matter.

Emily put her hand on her mother's back, and Pam released her lock on Paige, still holding onto her forearms. "Well, the pictures didn't do you justice," Pam announced. "Emily told me you how much stronger you had gotten..."

"Mom!"

"But I had no idea!"

"Thanks?" Paige said, still looking to Emily for help.

Emily started reaching for their bags, but Paige swatted her hand away and picked them up. "Let's get inside," Emily said to Paige and Pam. "I'm exhausted. And starving."

Starving was the magic word. Pam laid out enough dinner to feed the entire swim team. "Mom! How do you even have this much food in the house?" Wayne was still in Texas, but Pam, apparently, was stocked up to feed his entire unit.

Pam rolled her eyes, looking at Paige as she shook her head dismissively. "This one," she said, tilting her head at her daughter, and Paige smiled knowingly. "Well, it's not as if I wasn't expecting you two, Emmy. And, besides, Coach Fulton still brings the team over for dinners from time to time. And I have my church group."

Emily gave Pam's arm a squeeze. She knew how much her mother needed to have people around the house. She was grateful that Pam wasn't alone.

Most of the conversation was centered on Paige, much to her - and Emily's - embarrassment. They talked about Wayne a bit, too. He was due back in Rosewood at the end of the summer, so the girls would have a chance to see him when they passed through Rosewood on their way back to Drexel from swim camp.

* * *

Paige stood in the hallway outside Pam's bedroom, awkwardly rocking back and forth between her heels and the balls of her feet. She didn't know whether she should stand there or retreat. It was getting rather emotional.

Emily was repeating that she and Paige were adults, and that they were old enough to make their own choices. Pam kept reminding her that it was _her_ house; that Emily was _her_ daughter, and that Emily still had to abide by _her_ rules.

"This has nothing to do with the fact that she's a girl," Pam shouted. "You know how much I love Paige. But you're not sharing a room with your girlfriend while you're under my roof!"

"What do you think is going to happen next semester, when we're sharing an apartment?" Emily screamed, without stopping to think that might not be the best argument to make to her mother.

Out in the hallway, Paige was caught between surprised laughter and cringing.

Pam, initially stunned by Emily's statement, recovered quickly. It had occurred to her, of course, that her daughter and Paige could do - and most likely were doing - whatever they wanted at Drexel. She'd had to find a way to make peace with that.

She took a slow breath. "Well, I certainly would expect that you and Paige would be responsible and make good decisions next semester," she said, trying not to grit her teeth. "But, in my house, _my_ decision is that you and Paige are not sharing a room."

"Arrrh!" Emily groaned at the top of her lungs. She took a deep breath. "Fine," she said defiantly and stormed out of the room.

Paige froze when she heard Emily enter the hall, momentarily considering pretending that she, somehow, hadn't been able to hear the loud exchange between the two of them.

When Emily saw Paige in the hall, she wiped at her eyes. "We're staying at Hanna's," she announced resolutely.

Paige grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her in tight.

Emily tried to wriggle away. "Let go of me!" she whined, venting her anger at her mother onto her girlfriend.

"Emily," Paige pleaded.

"She's treating me like a child!" Emily wailed.

"She's treating you like a _daughter_." Paige was trying to let her calmness be contagious. Smoothing the hair away from Emily's face, she said, "Look, we could defy your mother and go do what we want, and you'll both resent each other, and you'll both be miserable..." Paige looked intently into Emily's eyes before she presented the alternative. "Or, we could stay here and show her that we're mature enough to respect her as your mother, and we can still enjoy our time in Rosewood with her. Yes, it sucks that we have to sleep in separate rooms while we're here, but we're mature enough deal with that."

"It's not as if I'm going to jump you in my Mom's house," Emily protested angrily, still arguing with her mother in absentia. "I mean, what does she think?"

"Wait, did you just say that I'm not getting any tonight?"

Emily rolled her eyes and slapped Paige on the shoulder. But Paige's teasing had worked. With a sigh, she concluded, "I guess I'd better go apologize."

* * *

"Look, it's not that I don't trust you, Emmy," Pam said patiently.

"I know," Emily replied.

"I just don't think that it's appropriate for you and your girlfriend to share a bed in my house."

"Mom," Emily countered, remaining calm, "we're not going to..."

"I know!" Pam intentionally cut her off before she could say it out loud, urgently raising her palm. "Look, I trust you, Emmy. If you and Paige want to watch a movie in your bedroom, that's fine. But when it's time to go to bed, you go to the guest bedroom. No, 'Oops! We fell asleep!' - and no sneaking into the same room in the middle of the night. Understand?"

Emily nodded. She gave her mother a hug.

"And I know that you're not a child anymore." Pam paused for a moment. "So you don't have to leave the door open."

Emily maintained a straight face, trying her best not to let her mixture of shock and excitement show. "Thanks, Mom." The thank-you was as much for the expression of Pam's trust as for the suspension of the open-door policy.

"I trust you," Pam repeated, giving Emily a pointed look.

Pam did trust them. And she knew that they needed the privacy of a closed door. But she knew that the temptation of being alone together for the entire night, especially given Emily's heightened emotional state, was more than two young women could be expected to resist.

* * *

Paige and Emily settled in Emily's bedroom after they got ready for bed. Paige lay back, propped up against the headboard, with Emily resting on her chest. She was exhausted from the drive and the emotional scene with her mother. She didn't want to watch anything or even to make out. She just wanted to be with Paige, in Paige's arms. Paige was stroking her arm gently.

Emily wished that every night could be like that. She loved doing things with Paige - watching movies, playing games, getting physical - but, at the end of the day, it was just about being present with Paige, holding her or being held by her, doing nothing, but doing it together.

Paige kissed the top of her head, as Emily knew she would. She smiled, giving Paige a squeeze with the hand that was on her stomach.

"Remind me never to get into a fight with you," Paige said, her lips moving against Emily's hair, her voice a deep, sexy rumble. "You're kind of scary."

Emily smiled up at her, sighing contentedly as Paige tightened her grip around her. "Don't you forget it!"

* * *

Emily felt the covers being tucked in around her. Paige, standing at the side of the bed, lifted Emily's head off of the pillow a bit, to move the hair that was trapped between Emily's head and the pillow. She bent over and gave Emily's forehead a kiss. Emily reached for her wrist. "Where are you going?" she asked sleepily.

"I'm going to take the guest room." Paige was whispering.

"No, you get my room," Emily insisted. She tried to get up, but Paige eased her back against the mattress. "It's okay. You're comfortable. I don't want to disturb you."

Emily nodded, too tired to protest. "I love you," she said softly, reaching up to beckon Paige in for a hug.

"I love you," Paige said, leaning in. "Get some sleep."

"Good night, Emmy," Pam called when she heard the soft closing of the bedroom door followed by footsteps in the hall.

"Uh... good night, Pam..." Paige said tentatively.

"Oh! Good night, Paige! I thought Emily was getting the guest room?"

"Um... yeah... she was," Paige said awkwardly. She didn't want to get Emily in trouble. And she didn't know whether she should continue talking from the hallway or head to Pam's doorway, now that this was more than a simple good-night. "But, she...uh... kind of fell asleep," she admitted, still planted in the hallway, but having pivoted towards the direction of Pam's voice.

Pam chuckled, remembering the nights when Wayne had fallen asleep on the couch or in the recliner, and she had covered him with a blanket, making the decision to let him sleep. Emily was the same, she realized. When she was exhausted like that, it was best just to let her sleep. Pam smiled at the realization that she and Wayne weren't too different from Paige and Emily. She was glad that Emily had someone who understood how to take care of her.


	28. Lunch with Friends

Emily stumbled into her large back yard, her eyes still half-closed, her arms sleepily hugging her waist. She still had on the sweat shorts and jersey that she had fallen asleep in.

Paige and Prince were deeply immersed in a game of fetch with Prince's favorite toy. Neither one of them seemed to register Emily's presence.

"Hey," Emily said weakly, and Prince trotted over with Paige trailing behind him. "You're up early," Emily remarked, sounding as if she wished that she weren't.

"Not really," Paige said. "I'm usually up way earlier than this."

"Oh, great," Emily droned sarcastically. "It's going to be fun sharing a room with you next year."

Paige took a knee to pet Prince as she explained, "Well, this guy and I were the only ones up, so we decided that we might as well get some exercise in." Emily smiled at that. When Prince slid over to get some attention from her, Paige noted, "He really misses you."

"Yeah," Emily said, getting down to their level. "He's supposed to be my dog, but, in reality, we got him for my Mom. You know, so she wouldn't be alone in this big house, when I'm away at school and my Dad's in Texas."

"Man, that must be hard on her."

Emily shrugged. "Yeah. But she has a lot of friends. And she's got Prince, so..."

"Plus you come back here on the weekends, whenever you can."

"Yeah. That's one of the reasons I wanted to go to school in Philly."

Paige gave her a kiss. "Well, I'm glad you did."

"I'm glad I did, too."

Emily rubbed Prince's neck a bit and then grabbed his ball, lobbing it far to the other side of the lawn. He got up eagerly and gave chase. She scratched his ears when he brought it back, before she turned to Paige. "Do you want to get some coffee?" she offered, pushing the hair out of her face. Prince, recognizing the last word, dove through his doggie door and returned with his leash.

* * *

"Remember when we walked here freshman year, at Thanksgiving?"

Paige smiled at the memory. "You were holding onto my arm, and I felt like the luckiest woman on the planet."

"I thought I had finally gotten through to you. Especially when you came out of the coffee shop and offered me your arm again."

Paige let out a deep sigh. Emily squeezed her arm, to let her know that it was okay; she didn't have to beat herself up over those days any longer.

"You know, Emily..." Paige paused and shook her head. "It's kind of hard to explain..."

"Paige, you don't have to. We've been over it before. And I understand."

"I"m not even sure _I_ understand, Em. I mean, the thing is, back then, if I had let myself believe that you were holding onto my arm because you liked me... I would've had to admit to myself that... you actually liked me."

"You were in denial?"

"Not about the fact that I like girls, no. But, I don't know... If I admitted that you liked me, then that would have made me either a coward or a total loser, because... I didn't know what to do with someone like you." Paige dipped her head.

"Paige..."

"I get it, now, Emily. I get it that you love me as much as I love you. It was just..." Paige shrugged "hard for me back then." With a chuckle, Paige added, "I still feel lucky that you feel the way you do about me."

Emily stopped walking, putting her hand on Paige's chest. "Paige, everything you have in life, you deserve. You're the most beautiful, thoughtful, selfless, loving soul I know." Emily gave Paige a soft kiss on her lips, nodding as she concluded, "I feel like the lucky one."

Paige smiled, with a shyly dismissive shrug, and gave Emily a hug.

Emily started walking again. "Anyway, that's not why I brought it up."

"No?"

"No." Emily shook her head and put the smile back on her face. "Did you watch Spongebob when you were a kid?"

"Um... yeah... Sure... When I was a... _kid_."

Emily furrowed her brow at the halting way that Paige had responded.

"Okay, so what if I'm still just a big kid?"

Emily laughed. "Well, we can work through those... issues later. But back to my point, do you remember the episode where Mr. Krabs decides to keep the Krusty Krab open all night?"

"And Spongebob gets all excited about everything he does..."

"Yeah! 'I'm chopping lettuce - _at night_!'"

"'I'm swabbing the bathroom - _at night_!'"

"'Ow! I burned my hand...'"

They added the " _at night_!" together.

"Yeah," Paige said with a chuckle, "that was funny."

"Well, I kind of feel like that, you know? All the things we used to do before, now we're doing them as girlfriend and girlfriend. I'm studying English Lit - _with my girlfriend!_ I'm doing laundry - _with my girlfriend_!"

"Ow! Prince just bit me! - _with my girlfriend_!" Emily elbowed her. "Just kidding! No, I get what you're saying, Em. It _is_ pretty cool."

"I kind of had this list in my head of things that we did back then, when we were friends, that we could do now that we're girlfriends." There was a time when Emily would've looked away when she said that, embarrassed that it sounded too cheesy. But she had learned that Paige didn't think that she was silly for feeling the way that she felt and that, in fact, Paige usually felt the same.

Paige tilted her head and laughed fondly. "Kind of like a relationship bucket list?"

"Well, yeah, but..."

"But?"

"Isn't that what you want to do before you... kick the bucket? I don't want our relationship to DIE!" Emily overemphasized the word, elbowing Paige as she did.

"Okay, not a relationship bucket list. 'Relationship goals.' Better?" Emily nodded and started walking again. "So - walking Prince together: Check. What else was on your list?"

"Oh, you know." Emily's voice became sing-songy as she recited some of the things on the list. "Cooking dinner for you..."

"Check!"

"Taking you out to a ball game..."

"Check." Paige shook her head. "Well, does the Phillies game count? I still can't believe I messed up on that Eagles game. I really thought that I was doing the right thing, you know, stepping aside so you and Matt..."

"Yeah, well, you were an idiot..." Emily was still using the playful tone.

"I was," Paige conceded with a shrug. "But maybe we'll get a second chance at the VIP box at the Linc?"

Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder. "I'd love that."

"What else?"

"Um... Taking you to meet my parents."

"Check."

"I don't know - what are _your_ relationship goals?"

"Uhh... keeping my girlfriend happy?" Paige pushed the phrase out slowly, pausing like an actor who couldn't remember her lines.

"Okay, that's the cheesy-girlfriend answer, but, seriously."

"I don't know. I guess the same things that are on your list? I mean, if I could, I'd just like to have a do-over on those once-in-a-lifetime moments, you know? Like, when you told me you liked my hair?" Paige stroked Emily's hair, in the way that Emily had done in the cafeteria the first time they met. "If I had known then what I know now..."

"Yeah?" Emily recreated the moment, combing her fingers through Paige's hair. "What would you have done?"

"I would've squeezed your hand, and looked you in the eye." Paige squeezed her hand and looked her in the eye. "And I would've..."

"Kissed me?"

Paige scoffed. "I wish... But I know I couldn't have been that bold." Emily pouted sympathetically. "But what I wanted to do," Paige said, demonstrating, "was run my fingers through your hair and tell you how crazy you were, to say that you envied mine."

Emily kissed Paige's palm at the conclusion of its excursion through her hair. "That definitely would've worked."

* * *

Emily sat at the round, wooden table, fidgeting with her coffee cup and making smalltalk with Aria and Spencer. Hanna, of course, was late. Emily wasn't nervous about her, though. Hanna had already met Paige. Emily knew that she got along with Paige and vice versa. She didn't really think that Aria or Spencer would have a problem with Paige, but, still, she was going to be nervous until she found out.

"So, McCullers isn't here yet?" Hanna asked, announcing her entrance with a loud, deep breath that made it sound as if she had just finished running a marathon.

Spencer's face soured at the mention of the name, as if she'd just taken a bite into an apple that had gone bad.

"Hanna, you _know_ the plan," Emily said, annoyed. "Paige is giving the four of us a chance to catch up over coffee, and then she's going to meet us here for lunch."

"I know, duh! That's why I asked whether she's here - because my stomach is telling me that it's lunchtime!"

"McCullers?" Spencer was trying to figure out where she'd heard the name. She slapped the table when it hit her. " 'Hey, Ref! Don't let her _McCullers_ my forward like that!' " Emily looked at Spencer with a confused smile. "Did she play field hockey?"

"Well, yeah - in ninth grade, but she gave it up to concentrate on her swimming!"

"Are you sure? Are you sure she didn't give it up because she was _banned_?" Spencer belted the last word out theatrically.

"Banned? Why would Paige... She would've told me!"

"Did she tell you that they named a penalty after her?"

"I'm going to call a penalty if she doesn't show up in the next twenty seconds! I'm starving," Hanna whined under her breath.

"Hey, guys," Aria interjected, motioning with her head towards the girl in the entryway who was pacing in circles, occasionally looking over at their table. "Isn't that Paige?"

Emily's face lit up and she got up to meet Paige. She took both of Paige's hands and, with a shake of her head to clear the hair from her face, leaned in for a kiss before leading Paige by the hand over to the table. "Okay, Spencer, Aria, this is Paige." Emily smiled at Paige and added, shyly, "My girlfriend."

Spencer stood up. "Hello, Paige... _McCullers_!" She hooked her foot behind Paige's calf as she leaned in for a hug. Paige, caught off guard, opened her mouth wide and stumbled, bracing against a chair to keep her balance.

Paige smiled. "Let me guess. You played field hockey."

"And let me guess. You had a penalty named after you."

"Yes," Paige sighed, "They named a penalty after what someone did to me." Spencer raised an eyebrow at this surprise revelation. "She dislocated my shoulder - almost broke my collarbone. That's why my Dad pulled me out of field hockey - he was worried that it would jeopardize my swimming career."

Spencer bit her lip as she sat down, chastened by this knowledge. Emily had a slightly smug smile as she settled into her seat. Spencer had the tendency to think the worst of Emily's girlfriends, and this felt a bit like retribution.

"Oh," Spencer said, looking Paige in the eyes. "Sorry - that's not the story I heard."

Paige shrugged it off. "Yeah, I know... Somehow, when I quit the team, this whole myth sprang up" - Paige turned her head toward Emily and the rest of the table - "about how I was this monster who got banned from the sport for crippling some poor girl and ending her career." Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder sympathetically, and Paige shot her a smile. "It wasn't all bad. I mean, nobody ever dared mess with me, after that!" Taking a more serious, and, Emily thought, slightly sadder tone, Paige added, "The funny thing is that it wasn't really a big deal, you know? I mean, if my Dad hadn't pulled me off the team, I don't think anyone would've even associated my name with that penalty." Paige mustered a smile. She didn't want to bring down the group. She knew how much this get-together to Emily. "But, hey... It is what it is, right?" She shrugged as she added, looking to Emily for affirmation, "I think things turned out okay in the end, right?"

Emily kissed her lips, and Paige transitioned to the menu. "So, what's good here?"

* * *

Spencer kept a wary eye on Paige all through brunch. Paige picked up on it and kind of rolled her eyes internally, laughing it off. Not everyone had to like her. She liked herself, and Emily liked her. For Emily's friends to like her would've been a bonus, but, if they didn't, it wasn't a deal-breaker. Not for her, at least. She was pretty sure it wasn't for Emily, either.

"You're different from Emily's other girlfriends," Spencer announced, during a lull in the conversation. Paige nodded her head slowly, waiting for an explanation of how she fell short, in Spencer's eyes.

"And that's a good thing," Aria pointed out, reaching across the table to lay a reassuring hand on Paige's forearm.

"Oh, yeah, of course!" Spencer laughed, only realizing when she heard the concern in Aria's voice how her statement must've sounded. "I mean" - she looked at Emily - "no offense, but, some of those girls..." Spencer shook her head. "Just... Wow!"

"Spencer Hastings at a loss for words!" Hanna raised her coffee cup. "Now that's a Festivus miracle!"

"Well, it just goes to show what kind of _winners_ Emily used to date!" Spencer raised an apologetic hand towards Emily. "No offense, Em."

Paige kissed Emily's cheek and tilted her head onto Emily's shoulder, worried that Emily actually was feeling offended. Emily wrapped her arm under Paige's head and caressed her cheek, kissing the top of her head, to let her know that she was okay. Looking back, it was obvious that she had made some stupid choices back in high school. She knew that what she had with Paige was different. It felt good to know that her friends could see the difference, too.

It felt good to Paige, too. Deep down, she still felt a measure of competition with the ghosts of Emily's dating past. Emily had never given her a reason to feel like that, and had assured her that those relationships no longer meant anything to her - not that they had been all that great to begin with. But as much as Paige trusted Emily and wanted to believe her, those ghosts remained. Hearing it from Emily's friends, and seeing how happy all of them were for Emily, helped Paige understand that what the two of them had was different; better; special.


	29. Psycho

Emily lay on her bed, propped up by a pair of pillows against the headboard. She had Paige's head in her lap, and she was slowly running her fingers through the long, auburn hair. There was a movie playing on Emily's tablet , though neither of them was watching. It wasn't really about the movie. It was about dragging out their time together for as long as they could.

"I really liked your blonde look," Emily said, stretching out a long section of Paige's hair for inspection, "but I'm glad you went back to your original color."

Paige turned her head to look up at Emily, with a wry smile. "How do you know that blonde wasn't my original color?"

Emily leaned down and glared at her. When the realization hit, Paige hid her face in her hands, with a shy grin. "Oh, yeah," she said softly. A moment later, when her cheeks had gone back to their normal color, she told Emily, "I like it better this color, too."

Paige turned her head back to the side, relaxing against Emily's thighs again, not facing her as she spoke. "I think," she began, but paused to get her thoughts together. "I think it was just... you know. I needed a change. That was around the time that I realized that I'd let my chances with you slip through my fingers and... I don't know. You know what I mean?"

Emily moved her hand to Paige's cheek. "Yeah, I know. Sometimes, it feels like a fresh start."

Emily sighed as she thought about one undeniable reason that she was glad to see the new look go: _Shana_. New look, fresh start, new girlfriend. She would never be able to forget the great evening that they had been sharing together, starting to connect over pizza after Paige moved all of her boxes; how optimistic she and Hanna had been about the possibilities - right up until Paige, still wearing Emily's clothes - took that call from Shana. When Paige said those three little words to Shana, Emily realized that she didn't know the blonde girl standing in front of her at all.

"Did you... change... your hair... before _Shana_?" Emily realized that she had to get it out on the table. That wasn't why she had started the conversation, but, once she started thinking that way, she knew that the thought would be stuck in her mind until she addressed it.

"It was after. She was actually as surprised to see it as you were," Paige said, craning her neck so that Emily could see her half-smile. Paige interlaced her fingers against her stomach. "I don't know. I guess I knew something was missing, you know? I was in a relationship, I should've been happy, and yet I was still looking for something fresh and new to spice up my life."

Emily kissed Paige's forehead. She didn't feel the need to say anything. What Paige said had made her feel better. It wasn't the fact that Paige found herself wanting something new when she was with Shana. Emily pretty much knew that already, based on the things that Paige had told her about their relationship - not to mention what Emily had seen with her own eyes when Paige and Shana were together. No; what made Emily feel better was knowing that Paige was back to herself when she was with Emily; that she didn't have to try to change into something new to make herself happy. They fit, plain and simple, when they were being themselves.

"I think my Mom was a little disappointed," Emily said after a moment or two of silence. "- I mean, not that you went back to this color, just that she never got the chance to see the other look in real life, you know?"

Paige chuckled at that. "Come to think of it, I did notice the way she looked at my hair when she opened the door." Pam had seen Emily's posts, so she knew that Paige had gone back to her original color. Her reaction didn't strike Paige as surprised, but, perhaps, curious. Paige shrugged. "Maybe she was wondering whether it's my natural color!"

"Hey," Emily protested, sitting up and wagging her finger at Paige, pretending to be offended. "This is my _Mom_ you're talking about!"

Paige put her hands up in surrender. "Yeah. That actually sounds more like something that Hanna would ask."

Emily laughed. "That's actually something Hanna _did_ ask - after our first time!" Paige blew out a surprised laugh at the news. "I think she was just trying to get me to loosen up and enjoy the memory, in her own, Hanna way," Emily explained.

Paige could've been embarrassed by that revelation, but she had learned to take Hanna and her antics in stride. "And?" she prompted. "What did you tell her?"

Emily gave her a kiss before she relaxed back against the pillows. "Your secret's safe with me."

"Okay," Paige said, angling her laptop where Emily would be able to see it, "well, speaking of blondes…" With a couple of clicks, Paige brought up "Psycho" on Netflix, with the image of a blonde Janet Leigh screaming in the shower. "Are you sure you're up for this?"

It was getting late, and they had to get an early start the next morning on the way to their summer swimming program. Still, since Emily knew that they weren't going to have much alone time together during the program, she made a suggestion that, she knew, Paige wouldn't be able to resist. Paige had been trying to convince her to watch "Psycho" since before they started dating.

"As long as we stick to our agreement," Emily said slowly and cautiously. "We're skipping the shower scene." Paige shook her head in disbelief, smiling. Emily grabbed her forearm. "Paige, you _know_ how I am about showers. I can't even close my eyes in the shower now – before I've even seen 'Psycho!' "

"How do you even shower with your eyes open? Doesn't it sting when you get shampoo in them?"

"It doesn't sting as much as a knife to the back," Emily muttered.

"You know, if you want," Paige said, full of cockiness in her voice, "I can guarantee that you never have to take another shower alone!"

Emily gave her a shove. "You can be such a perv," she teased.

"Okay," Paige chuckled. "No shower scene."

"Swear!"

Paige sighed but obliged. "I swear," she said in a dry monotone.

"Because, _I_ swear Paige, if you 'forget,' or if your hand 'slips' when you try to hit pause, you're going to be showering alone for the rest of your life."

"I swear, Em!"

"Because it might seem funny now, but, believe me, it'll be a different story when you're horny and all by yourself in the shower 50 years from now…"

"Really?" Paige chuckled. "You won't forgive me in 50 years?"

"I'll forgive you," Emily said wryly, "and then I'll remind you what it _really_ means when a woman says she swears!"

Paige shrugged her shoulders. "I'm just happy that we'll still be together 50 years from now!" Emily rolled her eyes and gave Paige an icy glare. "I won't make you watch it, Em. I know how you feel about it."

"Are you sure you know when the shower scene is?"

"Believe me, you'll know when it's coming," Paige assured her.

"All right," Emily said, taking an empowering breath. "Let's do this!"

Paige's finger hovered over the screen. "Last chance to change your mind..."

Emily forced a smile. "I dated a psycho. How bad could it be?"

Paige settled in next to Emily as the opening credits rolled. "That 'dated a psycho' comment - that was about Ashley, right?"

"Right, Paige."

"Not about me?"

"Right, Paige."

"Okay," Paige said mechanically. "Just making sure!"

Emily nodded.

"Because, I know sometimes, I can be a bit..."

"Okay, Paige!" Emily laughed and laid her head on Paige's shoulder. She appreciated the fact that Paige was goofing around, trying to help her stay calm, but it was going to take a lot more than Paige's weird sense of humor to do that.

* * *

Emily was hugging her pillow, her stuffed shark, her girlfriend – anything that she could get her hands on, and all of this before any of the mischief started. She was expecting the worst from the very start. She kept asking "Is that the psycho?" about everyone who appeared on the screen, starting in the first scene, when she wondered how the guy was going to get Janet Leigh into the shower.

"Oh, no, she did _not_ just embezzle all that money! She deserves to die!"

Paige laughed out loud. "She deserves to die? That's a little harsh for embezzling, don't you think?"

"Not for embezzling – for being a fool in a horror movie!"

When Janet Leigh got up to get ready for the shower, Paige paused the movie. "Okay, now would be a good time for you to go make some popcorn."

Emily didn't need to be told twice. "You'll fast-forward it?"

"Are you kidding? This is an iconic moment in movie history! I'm going to watch it!"

"Paige!"

"I'll let you know when it's safe to come back in!"

"Oh." Emily nodded. "Okay." She gave Paige a hug and headed for the kitchen.

Pam was at the kitchen table, sipping a cup of coffee and catching up on facebook. "What are you two watching in there?" When Emily told her, Pam added, "Well, that explains all the whimpering!" She knew that her daughter didn't like to be scared. She also had a pretty good idea why her daughter's girlfriend liked to see her scared. Wayne used to pull the same kind of shenanigans when they were dating. She reached for Emily's wrist sympathetically.

"Sorry, Mom," Emily said softly. "We should've watched something together."

"It's okay, Emily," Pam said with a motherly smile. "Go be with your girlfriend."

Emily headed over to the microwave and inserted a packet of popcorn. Once she had pushed the buttons, she turned her back to the oven, resting with her hands against the counter. "She's going to call me when it's safe."

"She's going to watch the whole movie by herself?"

Emily chuckled. "Just the shower scene."

Pam tilted her head back in understanding. "Oh! Oh, oh! Right!" After a moment of reflection, she tilted her head with a frown. "Still with the shower thing, Emmy?" Pam had expected Emily to outgrow it a long time ago.

"Mom," Emily protested, "don't tell me you don't pull the shower curtain open whenever you go into the bathroom!"

Pam shook her head. "I still don't understand why your father always insists on closing that damned curtain after he finishes in the shower!"

They shared a laugh, interrupted by a "Ding!" from the microwave and Paige's voice from the bedroom. A stream of light spilled into the hallway as Paige opened the door and, standing half in and half out the bedroom, repeated Emily's name.

"Yes?" Emily called from the kitchen. Paige was there a moment later.

"It's safe, now," she said with a huge grin. "Oh... hi, Pam." Paige's grin melted into an embarrassed attempt at a neutral expression.

"Hi, Paige," Pam said with a knowing smile.

"Um... we don't have to finish the film tonight," Paige said guiltily. "It's getting kind of late."

Paige knew that Pam rarely got to see her daughter anymore, and that it was doubly hard on her with Wayne in Texas. She didn't want to deprive her and Emily of an opportunity to spend some time together.

"You're right," Pam said, closing up her laptop. "It's getting late. Enjoy your movie, but remember that you've got to get on the road in the morning."

Paige nodded. Emily gave her mother a hug. "We'll see you in the morning."

They watched Pam make it as far as the stairs before Paige took Emily's hand and led her back to the bedroom.

"So, she's dead?"

"Dead."

"Who killed her?"

"Um... the psycho..."

Emily groaned. "I know, 'the psycho.' Who was it?"

"Okay, you _do_ get the concept of a suspense film, right?"

"Didn't they show her getting killed?"

"Yeah..."

"So?"

"Do you want me to go back so you can see for yourself?"

Emily inadvertently dug her fingernails into Paige's arm. "Paige!"

"What? Emily, it was 1960. This isn't some gory, slasher film. It's not shocking, it's suspenseful."

Emily pleaded with her eyes.

"Okay..." Paige explained, "you couldn't really see through the shower curtain. Someone in a dress, with what looked like gray hair in a bun."

"So, the mom's the psycho? I thought she was an invalid!"

"I guess we'll find out!"

Emily was, more or less, okay for the rest of the film. She gave her usual running commentary, and she was, as always, very clingy - especially so when Janet Leigh's sister went looking around in the old Bates mansion.

"What is she doing in that house by herself?"

"Well," Paige explained, "Sam has to keep Norman distracted."

"Why couldn't _he_ go through the house?"

"And leave her alone with Norman?"

"Oh, no, fool! Fool! Fool! Don't go into the bedroom!"

Paige chuckled, knowing that the bedroom wasn't where the danger was. When Emily started to calm down from that false alarm, realizing that the bedroom was safe, Paige reminded her that Norman had put his mother in the fruit cellar.

"She's not going to go into fruit cellar." Emily shook her head. "She's not that stupid!"

But she was. Emily held Paige's hand painfully tight at the sight of the back of Mrs. Bates' head in the chair. When the chair turned around, she started unintentionally slapping Paige over and over - a panic response - as she repeated, "Oh my God! Oh my God!"

She gave Paige an intentional smack when she saw that she was laughing. "How could you let me watch that?"

Paige chuckled again. "I only knew about your shower thing. I didn't know that you had a fruit-cellar thing, too!"

Emily put space between herself and Paige and gave her a stinging pout, obviously not amused.

Paige gathered her in and kissed the top of her head. "Okay. I'm sorry, Em."

Emily, her arms wrapped around her waist, moved herself closer into Paige's embrace. "I'm never going to be able to get that image out of my mind."

* * *

Emily realized what a bad decision it had been to talk Paige into watching "Psycho" that night. It was late, and she really needed to sleep, but she had no idea how she was going to be able to get to sleep by herself. She knew that Pam was already asleep, and she didn't want to disturb her. She knew that she had to, though.

Pam remembered the nights when her little daughter used to need to sleep in their bed when she was afraid in the night. It was another of those milestones in a mother's life: the realization that someone else was now filling the role of her child's protector. Pam agreed that Emily and Paige could spend the night in the same bed, both because she knew that Emily was telling the truth about not being able to get to sleep, and because Emily had awakened her to ask permission, rather than going through with the decision and either hiding it or trying to justify it in the morning. She appreciated her daughter's maturity, and she trusted her - and Paige - not to violate her trust.

Paige held Emily close as they lay together in bed. "I'm sorry for convincing you to watch that with me," she whispered.

Emily squeezed Paige's hand. "It was fun."


	30. Road Warriors

Emily chuckled. "I'm learning a lot about you on this trip."

Paige looked over from the driver's seat. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

Emily shrugged. "I'm not sure it's either. I just never would've guessed that you listen to… this," Emily said, pointing at Paige's phone, which was supplying the soundtrack. "I mean, what even _is_ this?"

Paige shook her head in disbelief. "It's classic British invasion."

"Oh, so, like the Beatles?"

Paige took a deep breath. "Yes, the Beatles are certainly a part of the British invasion, but they're just one band. You know – The Zombies, Herman's Hermits, The Kinks…"

"All right!" Emily said in her most patronizing voice, cutting off Paige, who was on a roll. "Like, this music is older than my parents – how do you even know it?"

"Emily," Paige said condescendingly, "not everybody listens to Taylor Swift or… Emily Lovato… or Fifth Direction."

Emily punched Paige's shoulder. "Okay – you're just intentionally making fun of their names."

"Well, you're ragging on _my_ music!"

"No I'm not," Emily said playfully. "I'm just… I don't get how you can drive with this on. Doesn't it put you to sleep?" Emily let her head fall forward and let out a loud snore.

"I believe the rule is, 'She who drives decides.'"

"Fine, whatever, fine. Listen to your British Invasion."

Paige turned her attention back to the road for a bit. She looked over at Emily, who was looking ahead, still with a smile on her face. Paige reached for her phone, to change the playlist, but Emily intercepted her, placing her hand on top of Paige's on the phone. "Paige, it's fine, really. It's just a little surprising."

"We can listen to something we both like," Paige offered.

"I like it! It's fine, really." Emily knew how Paige was; she would change the music to make Emily happy. But Emily wanted Paige to be happy, too.

Paige wrinkled her nose. "Are you sure?"

Emily nodded, giving Paige's hand a squeeze before Paige returned it to the steering wheel. A few moments later, she interrupted the silence with a related question. "That's not what you use for your psych-up music before races, is it?"

"My psych-up music?" Paige looked over and Emily nodded. "Nah. I listen to old school rap – Public Enemy, guys like that. Flava Flav!"

"Really?" Paige smiled. "You're really something, Paige McCullers. Just… full of surprises."

"Well, I have to hold onto a little bit of mystery. I wouldn't want you to get bored with me!"

"I've just never pictured you listening to that... or this."

Paige couldn't hold back her laughter any longer. "Nah, I'm just messing with you. I listen to Zen meditation when I'm warming up, actually."

Emily rolled her eyes. "Paige…"

"Seriously," Paige said with a shrug. "People think I have to get pumped up, but, really, I have to regulate my breathing and my heart rate, and get focused. Meditation helps me with that."

Emily laughed. "I guess I can see that. It's just… You look so intense."

"Yeah? My game face?" Paige affected her pre-race scowl for Emily.

Emily gave her a gentle shove in the shoulder. "You can be pretty intimidating. Good thing I know you're just a big teddy bear."

Paige smiled, shaking her head. "For you, maybe."

"Yeah." Emily took her hand. "You're _my_ teddy bear."

"Fine – just… never call me that, okay?"

"Aww… Paigey…" Emily was using the voice she usually reserved for Prince. "My little Paigey Bear!"

* * *

"I missed you."

Paige looked over and lightly touched Emily's cheek. "I missed you, too. I had no idea how hard it would be."

Even though they had spent their days together during their six weeks of intense training at swim camp, and even though they were assigned to the same dormitory at night, they felt miles apart. There were a dozen other swimmers in the dorm, in bunk beds, so there was no chance for any private moments. And the intense nature of the camp meant that they had very little free time. Any alone-time that they were able find in those periods of inactivity was even rarer.

They did the best they could with those precious and few moments, but it was never enough.

"I can't wait for school to start," Emily sighed. "We'll be roommates, and no one and nothing can come between us."

"Yeah," Paige agreed, squeezing Emily's thigh. She reveled in the thought for a while before she brought up the exception. "Except when we're at an away meet." She looked over at Emily with a sad frown. "Coach will never let us room together anymore, now that she knows we're together."

"Yeah – but I'm sure we can get people to switch rooms with us, after bed check."

"Yeah." Paige giggled nervously. "Great!"

"What?" Paige looked over at Emily, trying to act as if nothing was up. "Paige… you _do_ want to share a room with me when we're on the road, right?"

"Yeah," Paige said, guilt weighing heavily in her voice.

"Oh, seriously?" Emily laughed, shaking her head.

"What?"

"You're afraid that, if we're in share a room before a meet, it's going to affect your swimming!"

"What? Affect my swimming?" Paige's scoff was obviously forced. "Don't be ridiculous, Emily!" She brushed her hair out of her face and used concentrating on the road as an excuse to avoid Emily's eyes.

"Do you want me to sleep on the couch the night before we're swimming in a home meet?"

"No, of course not!" Paige was emphatic. "I can sleep on the couch," she added softly, earning herself a punch.

* * *

As they neared Rosewood, Emily asked, "Are you nervous?"

"About meeting your dad?" Emily nodded. "Let's see… am I nervous? I mean, why would I be nervous about meeting my girlfriend's father, Lieutenant Colonel Wayne Fields, combat vet?" Emily smiled and gave a kiss on the cheek. "Is that supposed to calm me?"

"No," Emily said, embarrassed. She bit her lip. "I just like hearing you call me your girlfriend," she admitted softly.

"And I like saying it."

"My Dad can be kind of…" – Emily balled her fists and made some grunting noises – "you know? I mean, don't let him scare you. He's really a nice guy. He's just very… Army."

"Is this supposed to make me feel less nervous?"

Emily laughed. "Yeah, it was supposed to…" Taking Paige's hand, she continued. "He's really a good guy. He can just be kind of hardcore. But it doesn't mean he doesn't like you or he's mad, even though people think that."

"O…kay…" Paige nodded her head, trying to understand.

"I mean, he actually handled my coming out better than my Mom, so… you know. It's not as if he's lesbophobic or anything."

"But no PDA?"

Emily kissed Paige on the cheek. "Just be yourself. Don't go overboard. And don't, you know, mention that we've… been… intimate."

"Intimate?"

Emily blushed, knowing that Paige was trying to make her say it. "That we've… been together."

"Together… as in…"

"That we've slept together, okay, Paige?" Emily said impatiently.

"Oh!" Paige smirked at Emily. "Well, thanks for warning me, because I was thinking that it would make a great ice breaker!"

"Oh, shut up." Emily breathed out a deep breath. "I'm sure he knows that we have." She didn't want Paige to think that she was hiding their relationship from her father. "And it's not even because we're both women. It's just…"

"Trust me, Emily. I get it. It's not as if I'd go bragging to your parents – or my parents – about what we do in the privacy of our bedroom."

"I know you won't, Paige. It's just…"

"I know, Em. I'm a little nervous, too."

"He's harmless, really. He's just like..."

"Oh, don't you dare say he's like a big teddy bear!"

"No..." Emily said shyly. "He's not that big," she mumbled. Paige grunted. "What? He _is_ like a teddy bear, to me!"

Paige chuckled. "Don't you remember? You said the exact same thing about me, when we were making this trip in the opposite direction!"

Emily gasped, her cheeks immediately flushing.

Paige picked up on Emily's embarrassment and decided to make the most of it. "I guess that makes me like a father figure to you!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"I guess you can call me _Daddy_!"

"Ooh..." Emily bit her lip to keep her composure. "It's a good thing you're driving and my safety depends on you not being knocked unconscious!"

Paige tilted her head back, laughing. "Plus it's your car," she said with a shrug, "so..."

"Yeah." Emily grinned, happy that Paige had let the subject drop. "That, too."

* * *

When they were a few blocks from her house, Emily pulled out her phone.

**Emmy: mom what kind of mood is dad in?**

**Mom: Excited! Can't wait to see you/meet Paige!**

**Emmy: don't let him pull anything when we get here! K?!**

**Mom: :)**

**Emmy: Mom!**

**Mom: OK OK don't worry!**

Wayne Fields took it upon himself to put the girls Emily brought home to the test, as if it were up to him to screen them and decree them worthy or unworthy of her hand. Emily got the fact that he and Pam wanted what was best for her, but it was patronizing and a bit medieval for him to assume the role of guardian of her heart. Certainly, on the cusp of her junior year, she thought, he should be able to appreciate that she was mature enough to make her own decisions.

"Everything okay?" Paige, noticing Emily's focused silence, squeezed her thigh, shaking it a little.

Emily forced a smile. "I hope so."

When Emily saw her father standing in the doorway, legs spread at shoulder's length, arms crossed, and looking very army, every thought about his shenanigans vanished. She bolted from the car and ran to him. He bent his knees a little, spreading his arms out wide. Emily disappeared into his hug and remained there as Prince circled them, jumping occasionally, trying to get in on the love.

Paige left all their bags in the car and walked slowly to the door. The bags, she reasoned, could wait. She knew that Emily couldn't wait for her to meet her father. As she neared the door, Prince looked up at her, wagging his tail, hoping that she would be the one to pay him some attention. Paige obliged, reaching down to pet him. "Hey, Boy!" Prince stood on his hind legs to greet her properly. Wayne, brought back by that interaction, stepped away from Emily, offering Paige his hand.

"Wayne Fields!" he said heartily. "And you must be Paige!"

Paige shook his hand firmly, as had been ingrained by her father, and he clapped his left arm around her back, pulling her into a hug. "Yes, sir. It's good to meet you."

"Well, I appreciate your manners," Wayne replied, "but, please: 'Wayne'."

"Okay," Paige said, chuckling nervously. "That's what Emily said, but..."

Emily smiled and squeezed Paige's shoulder, letting her hand drop down to take her hand. As she began to lead Paige into the house, Paige released her grip. "Oh - I just need to grab the..." Paige pointed to the car, and Emily nodded.

"Need a hand?"

Paige declined, but Wayne was already walking beside her towards the car, asking how swim camp was and how traffic was. He took all of the bags, leaving her with just a small duffel to put over her shoulder. Paige smiled to herself and shook her head, realizing how Emily must feel when Paige took all of the bags, leaving only the smallest for Emily, to let her feel that she was helping.

Once their bags were squared away, Paige and Emily joined her parents in front of the TV. Wayne set ice cold Arnold Palmers, his signature beverage - half iced tea, half lemonade - in front of them. Emily's eyes widened and she put her hand on Paige's, but Paige just smiled and took a sip. She complimented Wayne on the taste.

Emily took a sip from her glass and hoped for the best. She had learned that the combination of caffeine and sugar tended to make Paige a little goofy. There wasn't much she could do about it, though. She had tried to warn Paige, but Paige had a mind of her own. It might even be fun, she thought.

True to Emily's expectations, the combination went straight to Paige's head. It didn't help that she was exhausted from the drive. Everything she said turned into a pun or a play on words, followed by childish giggling.

So, when Wayne asked how long she had been swimming, she replied, "Swimming? Well, I've been _in the swim of things_ since I was about three. (ha ha) That's when I first _got my feet wet_. (ha ha) And it's been going _swimmingly_! (ha ha) I guess you could say swimming _suits_ me. Ha!"

Wayne looked back and forth from Emily to Pam, smiling from confusion, with his forehead wrinkled. He knew that Paige wasn't drunk. There's no way Emily would get into a car with her, if that'd been true. He worried that he was making her nervous, so he subtly asked Emily whether she was okay. Emily just shrugged her shoulders and smiled, letting Paige sink herself.

Paige poured herself another glass from the pitcher. "This is quite the concoction you've whipped up here, Colonel Wayne... Fort Wayne." - She made a muscle pose, to indicate that he was built like a fort - "Have you ever been to Fort Wayne?" Before Wayne could answer, Paige continued, "Is that why they call you Fort Wayne, or is it because of all the muscles?"

"Okay," Emily said soothingly, taking the glass from Paige's hand. "We're just going to put you down for a nice nap, now."

"Emily," Paige said, trying her best to whisper as she looked sidelong at Wayne, "I was just getting to know..."

"Don't worry," Emily said, still using her preschool-teacher voice, "'Fort Wayne' will still be here when you wake up." Turning her attention to her parents, but still using the same tone, she explained, "It was a long drive. We're just going to let Paige get a quick nap."

Paige smiled at Emily's parents, shrugging her shoulders as she waved good-bye.

Paige pulled off her shoes and socks and lay down on the bed. Emily sat next to her a bit, assuring her that everything was okay, and that she hadn't totally blown things with Wayne. Emily kissed her forehead and rubbed her shoulder before she left to do some spin control.

"Is she... hypoglycemic?" Wayne asked guiltily.

"No, closer to the opposite," Emily replied, explaining that Paige's parents - her dad, mostly - strictly limited her sugar and caffeine intake. "She doesn't even like sugar, to be honest," she added. "She was probably just drinking it to be polite."

"You should've said something!"

"I tried to stop her," Emily explained. "But, she was determined, and..."

"And you thought it might be funny?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders with a devious smirk. "Kind of, yeah..."

Wayne gave her a hug. "That's my girl!"

By the time dinner rolled around and Paige rejoined the group, everyone was able to laugh off the experience. Wayne made a point of setting a plain glass of water in front of Paige, with a sly wink.

"Don't let him get to you," Pam said comfortingly. "Many are the nights when I've had to tuck him in bed after some of his questionable beverage choices. At least your choices don't leave you hungover the morning after."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that we're glossing over some things - swim camp; Wayne Fields... We're kind of rushing towards the finish line. :(


	31. Insomnia

Emily was having a hard time getting to sleep. She had been tossing and turning in bed, for how long she didn't know. She rolled over to her side and propped herself up on one elbow with a deep, long sigh. She checked her phone. It was almost one in the morning. She started typing a text to Paige, but she deleted it. There was no reason to wake her. And, also, Paige was the reason that she hadn't been able to get to sleep.

Well, not Paige, exactly. Wayne. Well, it wasn't really Wayne. It was the two of them. No, she concluded, it was actually _her._ She was the problem. Her mind had been flitting from one to the next like that ever since she lay down.

She kept thinking about what her mom had said – that she had often put Wayne to bed after he'd had too much to drink, just as Emily had done with Paige. And she remembered the teasing she had gotten from Paige about the fact that she thought of Paige in the same way that she thought of her father – as a big teddy bear. Could it be true that she was attracted to Paige because Paige was some kind of father-figure for her?

It was just too weird. But Emily couldn't let go of the thought. She kept thinking about her mom and dad – the way that they walked together, with his arm around her shoulder, and her head on his chest. It was the same way that she and Paige walked together. And whenever Emily was sad and Paige was comforting her, Paige kissed her on the top of her head – just as Wayne did to Pam; never the other way around. Emily was sure, given their relative heights, that Pam was the small spoon, just as she was, on those occasions when they shared a bed.

But it wasn't just the physical things. There was the way that Emily felt the need to take care of Paige. She liked cooking for her; she always made sure to stay close by Paige at parties, because she knew how nervous Paige could get if she were by herself in large social settings; she always worried that Paige had everything she needed and hadn't forgotten anything when they were getting ready to travel. In all those ways, she was mirroring her mom's behavior with her dad.

Emily sat up, putting her feet on the floor and her hands on the mattress. Rolling through her thoughts wasn't getting her anywhere. She hated insomnia, but there was no fighting it. She took a deep breath and headed to the kitchen for a glass of milk.

When she got downstairs, she saw a light on in the living room. Her father had fallen asleep in front of the TV, she realized. Usually, Pam would go down and get him up to bed, but, apparently, that duty had fallen upon Emily that night.

When she got to the living room, she couldn't help laughing at the sight of Paige, not her dad, sitting on the couch. _Of course._ She really was turning into her mother. Paige looked over with a smile when she heard Emily's laugh. "Couldn't sleep?"

Paige shook her head. "I was hoping you'd join me."

"Oh." Emily reached for her phone, only to realize that she didn't have it with her. "Did you text me?"

Paige shook her head again. "I didn't want to wake you, if you were asleep."

Emily ambled over to the couch and took a seat. Paige set her phone down on the table – face up, because she didn't want Emily to think that she was hiding anything from her. It didn't make sense, but she couldn't help the thought. She stretched out her arm, and Emily nestled in, putting her hand on Paige's chest. She gave Paige a kiss on the cheek and curled her legs up onto the couch. It felt very familiar, for some reason. Then it hit her. "You know, I…" Emily stopped when she realized what she was about to admit. She hoped that Paige hadn't heard her, or would let it go. But Paige squeezed her shoulder, urging her to continue. Emily laughed nervously. "It's nothing. I just… I had a dream about you. Us."

Paige could tell that there was more to the story. "Is that why you couldn't sleep?" There was an undertone of fear in her voice. Maybe Emily was having second thoughts, and only able to admit them in her subconscious mind.

"No," Emily said, sitting up and slightly away from Paige. "This was freshman year." She peeked at Paige's reaction to what she had just admitted – that she had dreamed about Paige back before they really knew each other, and the dream still stuck with her. "I… we were… It was after a race. You won, and I hugged you, and… I guess, you realized that hugging me…" Emily couldn't say it. She buried her face in her hands instead. Mustering up her courage, she continued. "Anyway, the next thing I knew, we were in the couch in my parents' living room, the way we were just now. You were holding me, and I put my feet up on the couch. So, you know. Déjà-vu."

Emily peeked at Paige's reaction again and realized what a mistake it was to have told her about the dream. Paige couldn't even look at her. She had turned her head away and was drumming her fingers on her thighs. Emily couldn't blame her. It was embarrassing to think that she had been so pathetic and piney about Paige for so long, back before they were together. "Paige," she said softly, trying to regain her dignity, "It was only a dream."

Paige laughed once, through tightened lips.

Emily tried to bury her head on Paige's shoulder, but Paige felt really distant, so she sat up instead, putting her feet back on the floor and her head back in her hands, defeated. Things had gotten weird and awkward, and she didn't know what to do about it.

Paige realized that Emily was feeling embarrassed and a little hurt, so she had to come clean. "Em," she said, still looking off to the side, "it's not that. It's just that…" Paige sighed, running her fingers through her hair and holding it behind her head. "Well, you're not the only one who… who's had…" Paige dipped her head. "I used to have dreams, too. About… about you."

Just when Emily thought that she couldn't feel any lower, there was Paige, pitying her so much that she felt the need to lie about having dreamed about her, to try to make her feel better. Emily could tell by the way that Paige was stammering that she was trying to come up with a fake dream to tell her about.

"Only…" Paige stammered, "my dream was a bit more… sexual."

Emily's eyes widened. She angled her body towards Paige and clutched a fistful of Paige's sleeve. "What do you mean?" she cooed in a soft, eager voice.

So, Paige told her about the locker room dream. And about how it ended. "I woke up sweaty and… well, horny, and really pissed that it hadn't happened…" Paige started talking at about 200 miles an hour "and I know it was inappropriate and objectifying and way out of line to think about a teammate in the locker room that way, but…" Paige shrugged, not knowing how to talk herself down from that ledge.

Emily was shocked. She had no idea that Paige thought of her that way; especially not back when they were freshmen. Of course, she knew that Paige appreciated her body, but she assumed that it was just a function of how close they had gotten, emotionally and spiritually. It was only natural, she thought, for the physical attraction to follow. Learning that Paige had dreamed about her – that Paige, frankly, had lusted after her – kind of made her feel good. But she could see how horrible it was making Paige feel. She felt bad, knowing that Paige must've been carrying that guilt around for the past two years, when there had been no need for her to feel guilty. She had to find a way to let Paige off the hook. She nudged Paige in the ribs with her elbow, wiggling her eyebrows. "So, do you still have dreams about seeing me naked?"

Paige rolled her eyes. "No, I'm pretty much over it, now. 'Oh, Emily's tits are out again? Yawn.'" Emily laughed, and Paige laughed with her, pulling her in tight.

"I had no idea you thought of me that way," Emily said softly, giving Paige a firm kiss on the lips.

"Oh, come on, Em!" Emily tilted her head, shrugging one shoulder. "Seriously?" Paige put it down to false modesty. "How could you not know?"

"I didn't know!" Emily's voice went high-pitched as she tried to overcome Paige's skepticism. "How would I know? You never gave me any indication. Maybe I wasn't your type."

Paige found Emily's lips again. "You are… _so_ my type, Emily." Her lips were almost touching Emily's as she spoke. The warmth of her breath against Emily's lips was inviting. The kisses became longer and more intense; a more efficient way for them to express what they were both feeling so deeply.

* * *

Prince loped slowly into the room from his doggy bed in the kitchen. His head was low with sleepiness, and his tail was lazily wagging back and forth. He stopped in front of Paige and let her rub his head for a moment before he collapsed on the floor between the two of them. He hadn't come for attention. He just didn't feel like being in the kitchen by himself, when there were humans around.

"Do you remember," Emily asked, "the Saturday after Thanksgiving, when we took him for a walk?"

Paige smiled wistfully and nodded her head. "It just felt so... right, didn't it? Like something we had always done; something we should always be doing."

Emily laughed a little and leaned up to kiss Paige's cheek. "I forget that you liked me, even back then." Paige nodded her head against Emily's. "That's how it felt for me, too, you know. It just felt like the life I always wanted."

"Do you still want that life?" Paige regretted the question as soon as she asked it. "I'm sorry, Em. I know it's..."

Emily silenced her with a kiss. "I never stopped wanting it."

Emily sensed that Paige was getting uncomfortable, worried that bringing up a possible future life together had spooked her. She decided to dial things back with humor. "And right after that," she deadpanned, "you came to the conclusion that I was a straight girl."

"Oh, God!" Paige fell back against the couch, running both hands through her hair in embarrassment. "You're so gay," she whispered. She put her hand on Emily's cheek and kissed her with all she had.

"So gay," Emily agreed, leaning back in for another deep kiss. "But not as gay as my girlfriend!"

Paige laughed. "Mmmm - I'm so gay... so gay for you, Emily Fields..."

"You," Emily said, straddling Paige on the couch and putting both hands on her chest, "are the biggest dork!"

* * *

As Emily sat there, her feet once again pulled up on the couch, her body molded into Paige's, she was finally able to put her earlier fears behind her and relax. She loved _Paige_ , not some father figure that Paige somehow represented. If it was true that she showed her love for Paige in the same ways that her mom showed affection for her dad, that just meant that she was like her mother, not that Paige was like her father. Emily, as much as she hated to admit it, was very much like her mother in so many other ways; it wasn't surprising that, when it came to showing love, she followed the example that she had seen from her mother for as long as she could remember. She was lucky, she realized, to have had such a great example of deep, constant, enduring love when she was growing up. And she was doubly lucky to have found someone with whom she could share that same kind of love. She kissed Paige's shoulder. "I love you, you know."

"I know," Paige affirmed, kissing the top of her head. "I love you, too."

Paige took a moment to savor the feeling of being close to Emily – close in every way possible – before she gave in to reality. "I guess it wouldn't be such a great idea to let your parents find us asleep together on the couch in the morning." She started to stand up, but Emily tugged her back down.

"It's _fine_ ," she said. "Just stay with me." She knew that her parents wouldn't think that she would try anything with Paige in the middle of the living room, with not so much as a door to afford them any privacy. "Just stay with me," she repeated as she began to drift off to sleep in Paige's arms.


	32. Early Riser

Wayne turned down the corner of his newspaper when he heard the someone stirring outside of the kitchen. "Good morning," he called out enthusiastically.

"Oh, hey. Good morning, Wayne." Paige detoured over to the kitchen to greet her girlfriend's dad.

"Fell asleep on the couch, did you?"

_Busted._ Wayne didn't seem to be upset. Then again, Paige thought, he was probably trained in interrogation techniques; lulling the enemy into a false sense of security.

"Umm… we… both… had a bit of insomnia last night… so we… both… ended up in the… I mean – not together! We didn't plan it!"

"Insomnia, huh?" Wayne winced sympathetically. "That can be a bear."

"Yeah, sometimes it's hard to fall asleep in a strange house, all alone…" _Oh, Shit! Stop talking, Paige!_ "I mean, not that I… we…"

"Relax, Paige," Wayne said, chuckling. "I'd offer you some coffee, but I think you're jittery enough as it is!"

"Oh, ha…" Paige dipped her head. "Actually, I was just on my way to get dressed and go for a run…" _Not trying to sneak back into the guest room before anybody caught us._

"Oh, so you're an early riser! I didn't think there were too many of us left in the world!"

Something about the inflection in Wayne's voice reminded Paige of Emily; the way her voice lilted when she was teasing. It somehow relaxed her; her senses responding to the tone at a less than conscious level.

"And I didn't think that there were many people left who actually read printed newspapers!" Paige pointed to the paper with an accusatory grin.

"Yeah, a few of us dinosaurs left, I suppose," Wayne said with a hearty laugh.

Paige moved tentatively towards the open seat across the table from Wayne. "Do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Wayne said, setting aside the newspaper. "But don't let me keep you from your run?"

"It can wait," Paige said with a pleasant smile.

Wayne folded the newspaper off to the side of the breakfast table, figuring that it, too, could wait. He stood from his seat and headed to the refrigerator. "May I offer you some juice, water?"

"Water would be good, please."

Wayne retrieved a bottle of and returned the table with it in one hand and a bowl of fruit in the other. He set them both in front of Paige. "So, how did you get started in swimming?" he said, letting out a slight grunt as he got back into his seat.

"Umm… My Dad, I guess. And my Mom, too," Paige added quickly. They were both athletes. My Dad was determined that he would find whatever athletic talent I got from their genes, so, he pretty much threw me into every sport that was out there."

"So, swimming; I know you did field hockey…"

Paige gazed up at the ceiling as she rattled off the list. "Field hockey, soccer, basketball, volleyball, softball. He probably would've had me trying out for the football team if I hadn't shown a knack for swimming before I was old enough for Pop Warner."

"Lucky for you," Wayne chuckled, reading the frustration in Paige's voice at having been thrown into so many different sports.

"Yeah, but I can't really regret it, you know? At least his... enthusiasm got me started in swimming.

Wayne nodded in understanding. "You started early, like my Emmy."

"You pretty much have to, these days," Paige said with a knowing laugh. "It's so scientific these days – if you don't get that technique right from the time you're a toddler…"

Wayne laughed. "I know it! That's what keeps those sports camps in business."

Paige reached for a banana from the basket of fruit to fill in the silence that had suddenly descended on the two of them.

"It was different, with my Emmy," Wayne explained. "She pretty much fell into swimming – not literally!" Wayne explained that Emily had always loved the lake, when she was growing up. Pam took her to get swimming lessons at the Y, and one of her instructors, herself a former competitive swimmer, saw something in her. "It was just one of those chance encounters, you know? Pam and I would never have had any idea to get her started in swimming. She just happened to be in the right place at the right time."

Paige smiled at that. Everything that she had worked so hard for in life seemed to have come easily for Emily. It was something that she admired about Emily; her attitude and belief that, if you live life to make the most of it and treat people right, good things will come your way. Paige was starting to see how that played out in her own life. She couldn't deny Emily's effect on her.

"Well, I'm glad that instructor picked up on it. It would've been a shame for talent like hers to have gone undiscovered."

Wayne chuckled, "Plus, you two might never have met."

"Yeah, well, that, too," Paige said shyly. She had thought of that, but it didn't seem like the best thing to bring up with Emily's father. "She was…" Paige cleared her throat "… fortunate to have parents who followed through on it." She was trying to turn the conversation back to Wayne and off of her and Emily.

"And, I guess we could say that you're fortunate that your dad pushed you so hard."

"I guess we could." Paige didn't really want to get into all of the mixed emotions and testy relations with her father.

"Things are… a bit strained, between you and your father," Wayne probed.

Paige sat up a bit straighter. She was surprised that, apparently, Emily had had a conversation with her father – and, Paige presumed, her mother – about her relationship with her parents. It surprised her because she didn't really talk about things like that with her parents.

"Strained is probably an accurate way to describe things."

"Emmy said that you and she don't really talk about it very much."

Paige shook her head. She let her gaze roam around the kitchen for a second or two, clearing her throat. It wasn't just the fact that she was talking to her girlfriend's father that made her uncomfortable. The reality was that she had very little experience talking with fathers in general.

"Emily tells me –" Paige blurted out just as Wayne began to speak. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said, but Wayne gestured for her to continue. "I was just going to say, Emily said that you… that she had an easier time coming out with you than with Pam?"

Wayne nodded and smiled lightly. "Yeah. It was difficult for Pam at first. There were a lot of things – the way Pam had been raised, the way she found out." Wayne paused, giving Paige a questioning look. "It may be a subtle difference, but it's a pretty big one, being outed versus coming out."

Paige nodded, letting him know that she understood what he was referring to. Emily had told her about the pictures that arrived in the mail, showing Emily and Maya kissing in the photo booth – and about the way that she had blurted out that she was gay when Wayne was trying to figure out what was going on in her life.

Wayne mirrored Paige's nod. "And, there was also… the undeniable hopes and dreams that a mother has." Wayne was trying to walk the fine line between defending his wife and not condoning homophobia. "And, don't get me wrong, I had dreams for my daughter, too. But, when I was deployed, I saw dreams that were shattered in ways that were much more dire, much more life-changing." Wayne shook his head. "It really helps put things into perspective."

"I suppose so," Paige said, her tone lackluster. "Having a child who's gay is better than having a child who's a combat casualty."

"No, that's not what I'm saying, Paige. I didn't mean to compare the two. I just meant that we can waste so much time getting hung up and offended over things that really don't mean all that much, when we actually stop and consider just how brief and precious life really is." Wayne nodded his head once, hoping to confirm that Paige understood his point. When she nodded back, he continued.

"And, it didn't take long for Pam to realize that Emily was the same girl we had always loved. And that the dreams might materialize in a different way than we expected, but that was bound to happen no matter whom Emily chooses to marry. – Or not marry," Wayne added quickly, not wanting to presume her daughter's decision. Paige nervously tapped her finger against her water bottle, maintaining an even expression. Wayne leaned closer to her across the table, looking slightly embarrassed. "I kind of talked myself into a hole, here, didn't I?"

Paige chuckled nervously.

"Well, anyway, married or not, as long as she gives us lots of grandchildren," Wayne concluded. He really meant what he said, but the humor in his voice took the pressure off Paige.

Still, Paige was eager to steer the conversation away from her relationship with his daughter - and their apparent future with many offspring. "I… uh… I interrupted you," she reminded him.

"Okay, yeah," Wayne said, acquiescing to Paige's wishes to change the subject. "Well, here's the thing." He angled his body so that he was facing her head on. "I don't mean for this to sound paternalistic or anything, but, one thing I've learned from my young soldiers over the years is that, sometimes, a young person needs to be able to turn to a parent."

"Oh, yeah, sure," Paige said defensively. "I know I need my Dad." She didn't want Wayne to think that she was rebellious or disrespectful.

Wayne paused. "Well, it's great that you have your dad to turn to. I just wanted you to know, Paige, that you can always come to me. I don't want it to sound weird, or anything. I don't want to take the place of your father. I'm just saying that a lot of my soldiers have come to me over the years, so I've got a bit of experience in that area." Wayne reached across the table and put a hand on Paige's shoulder. "So, feel free to come to me with anything, okay? And I know that Pam would say the same." Paige nodded, not sure what to say. Wayne gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "Whatever happens, or never happens, between you and my daughter, you're family." He tilted his head, prompting her to acknowledge that fact.

"Wow – thanks, Wayne." Paige was blown away by that statement. "I don't know what to say."

All of a sudden Wayne's eyes perked up and his face became aggressive. "But if you ever hurt my daughter," he said pointing a severe finger in her face, "I'll come after you!"

Emily ran into the kitchen, yelling, "Daddy! Stop it!" She put her arms protectively around Paige's shoulder and gave him an intense scowl.

Paige burst into laughter, realizing that Wayne's sudden, apparent change in mood and tone had come only because he had seen or heard Emily lurking by the kitchen door.

It took a second or two for Emily to realize why they were both laughing. "Oh, God," she protested, trying hard not to let herself start laughing. "I hate you!" she spat, the laughter finally busting through. "I hate you both so much!"

Emily stumbled over to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup. Paige's eyes followed her. Emily's hair was in a messy bun, her eyes were still half-closed from drowsiness, and her belly button was playing peek-a-boo in the area where her loose-fitting tank top ended and her knee-length shorts began. Paige couldn't help smiling as she thought that this was what early mornings would look like when they got back to Drexel, roommates at last. _I have seen the future_ , she thought, _and it is_ _ **good**_ _!_

Emily took the seat between Paige and Wayne, her body angled more towards Paige. "You're not going for a run this morning?"

"I'll run later," Paige said with a nonchalant shrug. "Your dad was here, and we started talking."

Emily nodded and took a sip of her coffee. As she set the mug back down on the table, she offered, "Maybe I'll go with you."

"Oh… Great…" Paige feigned enthusiasm, poorly. It wasn't that she didn't want to spend time with Emily; it was just not that running wasn't necessarily her first choice. That was why she had planned to get her run in before Emily woke up.

Emily pushed Paige's shoulder. "Afraid I'll slow you down?" She aimed a scoff in Wayne's direction, as if to ask whether or not he could believe how her girlfriend was behaving.

Wayne put his hands up. "I'm not getting in the middle of this one," he said, calling on his years of experience mediating disputes among his soldiers. "Besides," he added out of the side of his mouth, with a wink towards Paige, "I've run with her before, so…"

"So you know what I'm talking about," she replied.

"Ha ha," Emily mocked. "I'll race _both_ of you – just name the time and the place!" It was a bit of bluster on Emily's part. Of course, she would've held her own with Paige in the pool – and wiped the floor with Wayne – but things were different out of the water. Emily may have been able to keep pace in a sprint, but, when it came to endurance runs, the kind that Paige was talking about, Paige had more gas in the tank.

"Oh, it's okay, Emmy," Paige said in a patronizing voice, snaking her arms around Emily where she sat. "I'll let you come run with me!"

Emily wriggled away petulantly. "First of all, you don't get to call me 'Emmy'," she snapped. "And second, don't offer me a pity run just because you're afraid to race me!"

Emily rubbed Paige's shoulder to confirm that they were still joking around.

"Yeah, why _do_ they call you 'Emmy,' anyway," Paige asked, stepping back to Emily's first point.

"Funny story!" Wayne chimed in.

"Dad!" Emily whined.

"Oh, come on, Emmy! It's not embarrassing!"

"Not as embarrassing as what I'm imagining, after all this build up," Paige pointed out.

Wayne tilted his head toward Emily to indicate that Paige had a good point. "I couldn't say, 'Emily,' when I was first starting to talk, okay? I said, 'Emmy.' That's it – end of story!"

Paige nodded, although Emily seemed a little too eager to get her version of the story out there. It didn't sound particularly embarrassing, either.

"Well… that's not exactly the end, Emmy." Wayne raised his eyebrows to ask Emily's permission.

"Okay, _fine_!" Emily huffed. She knew that the story was going to get out one way or another, sooner or later.

"You may have noticed that your girlfriend can be a bit of a diva." Emily was shaking her head, partly to deny what her father was saying and partly out of indignation. Paige, on the other hand, was smiling and nodding enthusiastically. "She always had to be the center of attention."

"Only child," Paige said, sympathetically.

"Anyway, she used to have this fascination with mirrors…"

"Still does…" That comment earned Paige a punch.

"She could spend a good ten minutes just posing and looking at herself in front of the mirror. And she would chatter away to herself, about herself – 'Emmy' this; 'Emmy' that. Pam and I joked that she was practicing her acceptance speech for the Oscars. And then, Pam said, 'No, the Emmys!' and it was such an obvious fit that we both laughed. So, from then on…"

"From then on…" – Emily decided to take control over the story before it got too out of hand – "whenever they thought I was acting like a _diva_ " – she made the air-quotes – "they started saying, 'Oh, there goes Emmy, going for her Emmy again!'"

"Yeah," Wayne confirmed, "and it happened so often that we just got used to calling her 'Emmy.' In fact, we used to say that she should marry someone named Ward."

Emily scoffed. Paige looked confused, but she caught up just as Emily droned, "So I would be Emmy A. Ward."

Paige kissed Emily's temple. "That wasn't an embarrassing story," she said softly.

"Okay, meanwhile, the 'Making Fun of Emily' show is over," Emily announced, her tone light. She reached over and helped herself to a bite of Paige's banana. Before she thought about it, she asked her, "Do you want me to make you some breakfast?" She had really been trying not to seem like the Pam to Paige's Wayne.

"That sounds great," Wayne said enthusiastically. "I'll have scrambled eggs with bacon, some toast and jam, and I'm ready for a refill on this coffee," he teased, lifting his mug.

"You!" Emily said pointing at him, "kitchen's closed!"

"See what I mean?" Wayne said, shrugging his shoulders in Paige's direction. "Diva!"

"Besides," Emily continued, "I don't think Dr. Martindale would approve of those breakfast choices, do you? Not to mention Mom." Wayne threw his hands up in surrender at the mention of his wife. Paige couldn't stop smiling, looking back and forth between the two of them. She couldn't imagine joking around with Nick McCullers that way.

Emily turned back to Paige, wrapping her arm around her and rubbing her back a little. "Seriously, do you want me to make you some breakfast?"

Paige smiled up at her. "You don't have to make me breakfast."

Emily leaned down and pushed the hair away from Paige's face so she could give her a quick peck on the lips. "I'll make you some breakfast."


	33. Roommates, Teammates, Soul Mates

As Paige dropped off yet another box in the bedroom - _their_ bedroom - her thoughts went back to a year earlier, when she helped move boxes into Emily's apartment. She never would have guessed that, in just a short year's time, she would be moving _their_ boxes into _their_ apartment.

Their coach had given them waivers to move into off-campus housing. It wasn't unusual for her to make accommodations like that for her juniors and seniors, particularly stand-outs like Paige and Emily. The combined housing allowance from their scholarships, combined with what Hanna and Pru were able to kick in, was enough to cover a three-bedroom apartment. The fact that Hanna and Pru were coming along made moving in together easier; as much as they wanted to live together, they didn't want to leave their friends out in the cold.

Realistically, they could've gotten away with a two-bedroom apartment and saved some money, but, in the end, they decided that it was best for Hanna and Pru to have their own rooms. They both had rather strong personalities, and there were certain to be times when they would need to be able to retreat to their neutral corners. And their situation was, to put it delicately, unlike Paige and Emily's, in that they weren't dating each other. There would certainly be times when they needed the privacy of a room of their own, to be with the people they were dating.

Paige took a break and enthusiastically grabbed Emily around the waist, putting her chin on Emily's shoulder. "Can you believe this is really happening?"

Emily, smiling broadly, turned around in Paige's arms. Putting her hands behind Paige's neck, she gave her a kiss. "Yes, I can," she said eagerly. "I've been waiting for this for so long - it'd better be real!"

Paige grinned and kissed her again.

"Oh, great," Hanna yelled as she passed their door. "Is this what we have to look forward to the rest of the year?"

"Hey, ladies," Pru added, taking hold of the door and swinging it back and forth. "There's a new invention. It's called a door. It opens _and_ closes! You should really try it! Especially the 'closed' feature!"

"Oh, be quiet," Paige said with a laugh as she took hold of the door and pulled it closed. Emily extended her hand, though, keeping the door open.

"We should probably get back to those boxes," she said with a sympathetic pout. There would be plenty of time for them to get physical. They were roommates, finally; finally sharing a bedroom - and a bed. That door would be put to good use.

There was a part of Paige that worried that living with Emily would test their relationship, in ways that weren't good. It had been great, their sophomore year, to be the one whom Emily ran to when she needed to escape, but what would happen when Emily needed to escape from Paige - or Paige needed to escape from her? Emily, perhaps because she had seen her parents go through tough times and come out stronger, wasn't worried. Paige's experience was different, but she had never run from a challenge. And she knew that her love for Emily was worth any difficulty they might face.

Paige and Emily did end up hitting the occasional rough patch over the course of their first year living together, but it was actually Hanna and Pru who had the most difficulty adjusting to life as roommates. There was never any open hostility between them, but they grew extremely testy around each other. The slightest thing could set one or the other of them off. Paige and Emily knew them to be pretty easy-going; they were surprised at the friction between them.

"How come my best friend and your best friend can't get along?"

"I've actually been thinking about that," Paige said, "and I think it might be jealousy."

"How so?" Hanna was in a pretty stable relationship, and, even though Pru wasn't exclusive with anyone, she certainly had no reason to be jealous when it came to male companionship.

"I think that they've gotten used to having our full attention, you know? It's a lot different from last year, when, even though we were dating, let's face it, we spent most of our time with them. And now, with us cloistered in our bedroom... I don't think they're getting as much of our attention as they're used to. It's kind of like, if your mom were dating, and, all of a sudden, some guy moves in with her."

That example creeped Emily out, but she understood. As much as she loved her father, she got used to growing up with just her mother. Of course, she was excited when her father returned from deployment, but her mother told her that, when she was very young, she used to cry and act up whenever the two of them got affectionate with each other.

"So, we're like parents, to them, basically?"

"Basically," Paige said with a shrug. It always seemed to come to that; first with their summer campers, and now with their roommates. Perhaps the fates were preparing them for being parents.

Paige and Emily decided to start Wednesday Night at the Movies. Each week, the roommates would take turns choosing a movie for the four of them to watch. It was to be just the four of them: No boyfriends, no outsiders. Of course, that didn't seem fair to Hanna and Pru, since Paige and Emily had their built-in girlfriends, but they agreed to give it a try, at least for a couple of weeks.

The first Wednesday night, they were surprised. Emily popped some popcorn and settled in on the couch. Paige took her seat in the recliner. Hanna looked back and forth between them, wondering what they were up to, but didn't say a word. She sat on the sofa next to Emily, almost expecting Paige to kick her off and claim the spot next to Emily. Pru sat on the floor, as she often did, but this time, she was perched in front of Paige on the recliner. The seating arrangement was a small thing, but it sent a big message. The precedent was set: Hanna and Pru had marked their territory with their long-time friends. Wednesday Night at the Movies turned out to be a great solution, and not just for Hanna and Pru. Paige and Emily were also grateful for the time to reconnect with their best friends. It led to more shared activities, Paige with Pru, and Emily with Hanna - just like old times.

They kept their Wednesday night tradition throughout the year. As busy as things got, with studies and training, they rarely missed a week. It turned out to be a beneficial study break; an oasis of calm in the middle of the week where they could refresh themselves and renew their energy.

* * *

Dealing with Hanna and Pru was one thing. They also had their teammates to deal with.

Everyone on the team knew that they were together, but since they had started dating after the season was over, they had never had to deal with the teasing that came when they were all together, in the jovial atmosphere of the locker room. In the end, it wasn't as bad as Paige and Emily had feared. This was partially, Paige assumed, out of consideration for Shana. After all, only a year before, She and Paige had been the center of attention. Perhaps her teammates didn't want to jinx what she and Emily had - or perhaps they didn't want to rub it in Shana's face. Overall, it was fine. Paige and Emily weren't bothered by some lighthearted teasing, and Shana wasn't threatened by what Paige and Emily had.

* * *

After the huddle, as the team took its place on poolside for the first meet of the year, Sydney took Emily off to the side and whispered, "Hey, are you guys okay?"

Emily smiled nervously, not knowing what she meant.

"You and Paige," she prodded.

"Yeah... we're..." Emily wasn't sure why Sydney was asking. She kept her voice low because Sydney was being all cloak-and-dagger. "What do you mean?"

"Are you guys _fighting_?" Emily shook her head, her brow furrowed in confusion. She knew that rumors could spread like wildfire among her teammates, but she couldn't figure out what someone might have seen or heard to give the impression that they were fighting.

"You didn't do the _thing_ ," Sydney insisted. Emily still wasn't getting it. "You know..." Sydney stuck out her tongue.

"Oh my God," Emily said, abnormally loud, in marked contrast to the whispering that they had been engaged in. One or two teammates raised their heads to see what was up. Emily tipped her head back in embarrassed laughter, lightly touching Sydney's arm. "You know about that?"

"Emily, the whole team knows about it! Even the freshmen," Sydney whispered matter-of-factly, surprised that Emily thought that it was some kind of secret ritual. "And everybody's freaking out that your swimming's going to be off because you guys are fighting!"

Emily shook her head, slightly amused. That was a lot of weight to put on her, Paige, and their little ritual. Although it wasn't really unusual for Sydney to make a mountain out of a molehill. "Sydney, we're fine," Emily assured her, touching her arms. "We just..." Actually, Emily didn't know why they hadn't done it. It was never something that they'd spoken about in the past; it just seemed to happen on its own. But so much had happened since the last team huddle, a year before, that the ritual had somehow melted away.

Emily took a seat next to Paige on the bench. "You'll never guess what Sydney just asked me." As Emily filled Paige in, Paige, too, tilted her head back and laughed. She, like Emily, didn't know why they hadn't engaged in their ritual - or why it was such a big deal to the team.

When Emily finished telling the story, Paige stood up and pulled Emily to her feet. Waving at the team to get their attention, she stuck her tongue out at Emily and put her hands up, as if asking whether or not they were satisfied. When she and Emily sat down again, she leaned in for a quick kiss. It was totally unplanned and totally out of character. It was another thing that they had never discussed, and never really needed to. Kissing a teammate at a meet wasn't a good idea. Of course, the team knew that they were together, and it was never an issue. But they never knew how the parents and grandparents in the stands would react upon finding out that their precious babies were showering and changing with "perverts" in the locker room. Emily had some bad memories of those kinds of reactions from high school. Her high school coach had stood up for her, and she knew that her coach at Drexel had her back, but it was best just to avoid the situation altogether.

"Sorry," Paige said, dipping her head. Emily nodded. She knew that it had been a spur of the moment thing and hoped there wouldn't be any nasty repercussions.

Apart from competitions, they were free to be themselves with the team. If Emily gave Paige the occasional kiss on the team bus, none of her teammates raised an eyebrow. And, of course, she and Paige didn't go overboard with it, with full-on make-out sessions, one of them in the other's lap, when the team rode together.

Even the hotel situation turned out to be manageable. Sleeping in separate rooms wasn't as much of a problem as they had anticipated it would be, when they were sophomores. Back then, they rarely had the opportunity to spend the night together, so sharing a hotel room sounded like a dream come true. But, as roommates in their junior year, separate hotel rooms turned out to be just a couple of days of deviating their routine. They - and their relationship - were mature enough to handle that. Not that it wouldn't have been romantic to be together in their own hotel room, but they knew that they would get to do that on their own, without all of the sneaking around, switching rooms, and pushing beds together. Actually, all of that would have been more of a distraction than sleeping apart turned out to be.

And sleeping apart made their return to their apartment and shared bed that much sweeter. It was a great way to celebrate a victory - or to console each other after a loss.

* * *

Junior year had other challenges to throw their way. Paige and Emily learned how lucky they had been to have started dating in their sophomore year. Freshman year had been difficult in a lot of ways. It was a big adjustment, going from a high school swimming program to a college-level one, and from high school academics to college. Adding the stress of a new relationship onto all of that would've been difficult. They were fortunate, as sophomores, to have a little bit of calm as they learned how to adjust to each other. In sophomore year, they were just hitting their stride. They had pretty much adjusted to college-level demands, so they had more time and energy for concentrating on becoming a couple. But junior year was more challenging. More was expected of them as seasoned veterans on the team. The bar was raised academically, too, as they had to concentrate more on their departmental work and on getting placed for internships. Although they didn't realize it when they were going through it, the strong foundation that they had laid for their relationship in the relative calm of their sophomore year was what helped them weather some of the storms that stress, fatigue, and lack of quality time together threw their way in their junior year. It was kind of like the relatively calm atmosphere of their swim practices that gave them an opportunity to work out their techniques in the pool before the high-stress environment of swim meets.

* * *

Emily smacked Paige on the butt, giggled, and smacked it again as they lay in bed together. "Looks as if someone has been skipping her off-season workouts," she said playfully, in a sing-song voice.

"I guess I missed a couple," Paige admitted guiltily. Emily gave her ass another smack. "What are you doing, punishing me for slacking off?"

"No," Emily explained smiling like a giddy child. "I've just never seen it jiggle like that before!"

"Give me a break! Stats has been kicking my ass..."

"Don't worry," Emily joked, rubbing Paige on the bottom. "There's still a fair amount of ass left!"

"All right!" Paige, already feeling bad about falling behind in her training (feel free to insert your own pun that resulted in a _falling behind_ ), scooted away from Emily's hand. "I get it," she said, letting her annoyance show through in her tone. "I let myself go. My fat ass disgusts you!"

"Paige!" Emily whined, stretching the name into two syllables, not sure why Paige was taking it so seriously. She scooted closer to her and gave her buns an affectionate squeeze. "Don't be mad! I was only fooling around!"

"Yeah, well," Paige muttered bitterly, "You won't have to worry about 'fooling around' with me and my fat butt tonight." Paige tried to scoot away again, but she had run out of room on the mattress.

"Paige," Emily pleaded again. She rubbed Paige's behind soothingly. "You know I'm not serious." She kissed Paige's shoulder. "You know I love your cute..." - She moved her lips to kiss Paige's neck - "little..." - Paige scoffed at the word. Emily, still rubbing, nipped at Paige's earlobe - "heinie!"

Paige turned over quickly to face Emily. "Is that some sort of crack about my German heritage?" she blurted out, trying to keep a straight face.

Emily tilted her head back and laughed, touching Paige's chest. "I get it! 'Crack!'"

Paige looked at her confused for a second before it hit her. "Oh, grow up, Emily!" She snorted as she tried to stifle a laugh. She went to roll over, but Emily stopped her, grabbing her arm.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked softly, biting her lip.

Paige rolled her eyes, intent on milking Emily's guilt for as long as she could. But, really, there wasn't much she could do, with Emily biting her lip and giving her puppy dog eyes. "Yeah, whatever." She allowed Emily to press a gentle kiss against her lips.

"Really?"

"Really," Paige conceded.

Emily smiled deviously. "So, we can still fool around?"

Paige smirked triumphantly. As if there had been any doubt, after all of the rubbing, the kissing, the biting, and the puppy dog eyes. "I guess," she said, with a melodramatic sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few people asked, when I originally posted this on ff dot net, whether or not Emily will meet Paige's parents...
> 
> I started sketching out a chapter with Paige and Emily driving to Paige's house to meet her parents, but it just got to be too mean. I couldn't find a way to make Nick into a sympathetic character in such a short time, and I didn't want to inject that much nastiness into our Paily bubble. That's the main reason I ended up giving Paige Wayne as a kind of surrogate father in the previous chapter.
> 
> In the long run, I see Nick softening at the edges and becoming more of a real dad, but, unfortunately, we won't get that far in this story. :(
> 
> Thanks, as always, for reading! 3


	34. Bittersweet

Paige slammed down the lid of her car's trunk and joined Emily, who was giving their roommates tearful hugs good-bye. Paige didn't want to rush them, but she and Emily needed to get on the road. They had a long drive ahead of them, and Paige wanted to avoid driving after dark.

This summer was going to be different from the rest of their high school and college summers. Paige and Emily both knew that they wouldn't be swimming professionally after they graduated, but they still wanted to stay involved with the sport that had been their passion for as long as they could remember. They were still going to swim for Drexel, as senior co-captains, in the fall, but rather than spend their summer in intense training camps, as they had the previous years, they decided to get some experience that would help prepare them for life after college; life as volunteer or paid coaches.

They had both worked, in some form or another, with youth swimming programs, but those programs were mainly about introducing children to swimming and teaching them how to be safe in the water. This was their first time working at a camp like the ones that had been part of their lives when they were growing up – a camp aimed at helping girls hone their skills for competitive swimming. It was also a first for them, in that they were going to be paid assistant coaches, not volunteers.

Emily, though she never said anything about it, viewed the camp as a trial run of sorts for her and Paige. They both expected to have a life and a family together after college, and Emily viewed camp as a way to see how she and Paige would work together in ways that parents did: Encouraging the girls when they needed it, disciplining them when they needed that, celebrating with them after their victories, consoling them after their defeats. Parents seemed to have a good cop/bad cop relationship with their children, and, although Emily was pretty sure that Paige would be the good cop – the pushover – she was eager to see how they would play off of each other, and whether it would cause any friction between them.

They got to the camp for staff orientation before any of the young campers arrived. The staff had a couple of days to get to know one another, to go over the rules and regulations, and to become familiar with the camp's layout and equipment. They also received their uniforms. Even though Paige and Emily had grown used to being issued uniforms and warm-up suits with their names and their schools' names on them, it still came as a bit of a pleasant shock to be issued jackets with the word "Coach" embroidered next to their names. They didn't feel very much older than the high school girls they would be coaching; it seemed almost fraudulent to have those girls to refer to them as "Coach" and to look up to them the way that they were used to looking up to their coaches. It was an adjustment to realize that their word was law: If someone asked them for permission and they said no, the girl might complain, but she inevitably complied. Paige, especially, felt a sense of guilt over that. Perhaps it was because of Emily's father's military background and his no-nonsense parenting style, but it wasn't as big an adjustment for her. She was, she realized, definitely going to have to be the bad cop.

Another difference in attending the camp as coaches rather than campers was that they had a lot more leeway. When it was lights-out in the cabin, or the campers had their study time, the coaches and counselors had free time. Paige and Emily enjoyed the opportunity to find some solitude in the woods – maybe to share a picnic, or just to sit on a tree stump and enjoy the stars, or to lie on a blanket late at night, enjoying the stars.

One evening, alone under the stars, they heard some giggling off in the woods, putting a damper on their private moment. They weren't doing anything inappropriate or even PG-13, but the giggles put an immediate chill on their time together. Paige sprang up, ready to give chase in the woods, but Emily restrained her, tugging at her shoulders

"They're just being girls," she reminded Paige. "Didn't you ever sneak out of the cabin when you were a girl?"

"Em, what if they tell somebody?"

"Tell somebody what? Paige, we weren't doing anything wrong. We're allowed to be out here, and it's not a crime to make out with your girlfriend!"

"Oh." Paige chuckled. "Oh yeah." She relaxed and sat down again.

"Besides, what are they going to say, 'We broke curfew and sneaked out of the cabin and caught Coach Fields and Coach McCullers making out?' They would be the ones who got in trouble!"

With a seductive smile, Paige took Emily in her arms again. "Where were we?"

So, whoever it was who caught them didn't say anything to the staff. Apparently, though, they said something to their fellow campers, judging from the looks and snickers that Paige and Emily got at roll call the next morning. Emily laughed it off, and even had some fun with it, giving Paige casual touches to give ammunition to anyone who had heard the rumors and may have wondered whether or not they were true. At breakfast, she put her hand on Paige's shoulder as she sat down at the table with their campers. "Oh, Honey…" Emily paused to let the word sink in before she continued, "I forgot to get some honey for my tea!" Paige shook her head and rolled her eyes as Emily stood up again and retrieved the honey.

Camp ended up being a better experience than they had expected. They looked back fondly on their opportunities to help guide and mold young lives; helping give them confidence and direction, in and out of the pool.

And they had fond memories of their time alone, as well; the relaxing morning or evening swims, long, slow, walks in the woods - holding hands and dreaming.

And yet, they were really looking forward to getting back to campus. There's an excitement at the beginning of any undertaking, and a companion excitement, tinged with sorrow, as that undertaking nears its end. Emily and Paige had both looked forward to their freshman year at Drexel, and the new opportunities that lay before them. Both of them had high hopes that they would find new love and new friendships - hopes that, despite a few stumbles out of the box before they settled in with each other, they met and even exceeded. They had dreams of taking their swimming to the next level, and they lived those dreams as well. All in all, things were as good as could have been expected.

And now, as difficult as it would be to put the wonderful experience of college behind them, they were eager to get into their final year. They still had so much to look forward to.

Senior year was, in a lot of ways, easier than junior year had been. They had completed their internships, they had fulfilled all of their departmental requirements - so they could take the classes that actually interested them - and their class schedule was lighter.

As co-captains of the swim team, they had some increased responsibility, but they had been groomed for the position over the past two seasons, and they were thoroughly prepared for it. It was bittersweet, knowing that they would never swim or compete at that level again, but they had made the most of it. There was satisfaction in knowing that they had given it their best.

* * *

"Uh oh," Paige said with a smile, reacting to the smile on Emily's face. "Where is she?" Paige scanned the gaggle of young swimmers organizing themselves into lanes on the far side of the pool complex.

"Paige," Emily said dismissively, though her smile didn't dim.

"It's cute," Paige said, wrapping her arms around Emily as Emily stood perpendicular to her, "this little schoolgirl crush!"

"It's not a crush! She just... admires me, because I'm older, and, from her perspective, I've got it all together."

"Uh huh," Paige said skeptically. "Plus she wants to get into your pants!"

"Paige, please!"

Paige sighed dramatically. "It's a good thing I'm not the jealous type!"

"Yeah," Emily said idly, wriggling out of Paige's arms as she joked, "Get away - don't let her see you hugging me!"

Paige chuckled. "So, what would you do if I weren't in the picture?"

Emily turned towards Paige, all of a sudden serious. "Why wouldn't you be in the picture?"

"Hypothetically."

"What, like, you _dumped_ me?"

Paige sighed. "I would never dump you. Let's say I died."

Emily smacked Paige's chest. "You _died_?"

Paige cringed. She wasn't making it better.

"Okay, sorry," Paige pleaded, putting her hands up as she walked back that last statement. "What if we never met. Let's say I went to Stanford, and we never knew each other. Tell me you wouldn't go for it with Freshman McCrushy!" Emily rolled her eyes at the name. Paige shrugged her shoulders. The name wasn't the point.

"We never met?"

"Never knew I existed!"

Emily's tone got theatrical. "Then I would live a life of dark loneliness and solitude, knowing that my soulmate was out there somewhere, but that cruel fate had kept us apart."

"Oh, you are so full of..."

"... Love for my girlfriend?"

"Yes. That," Paige said, giving Emily an affectionate hug. "That's exactly what I was going to say."

"Yeah, meanwhile, I love how you're so good at picking up on the one girl ever who has a crush on me, but you somehow manage to be completely oblivious to the never-ending stream of girls who are constantly flirting with you."

* * *

A consequence of their lighter course loads was that, after swim season, they had the opportunity to take little getaways on the weekends. They kept it simple - and, since they had to prepare for their lives and expenses after college, cheap. It was nice just to get off campus and have some time to themselves. They knew that, after graduation, their opportunities to do that would be far fewer. While they were at the same school and on the team, their schedules were automatically coordinated, to a large extent. Once they graduated and pursued separate careers, coordinating their lives would be more difficult.

It was a challenge that Emily looked forward to with relish: Leaving each other notes on the refrigerator about picking up dinner or dry cleaning; waking the other one up with a kiss on the way out of the door; the angry, "Where are you?" phone call, when one forgot that she was supposed to pick the other one up. It all seemed so real and couple-y. There would be some difficult times, but Emily had never shied away from those. Some people look at the mountain in front of them with dread - an obstacle between them and where they're going, while others look at it with relish - an opportunity to flex their muscles and grow stronger.

The mountain is the same; it's only the approach that makes people bitter or happy.

"Mmm," Emily said as her lips separated from Paige's. It was supposed to be a quick kiss good-bye, but Paige's lips felt surprisingly soft that morning. Emily rubbed her finger across them. "Your lips are so soft this morning."

"Huh?" Paige was still half asleep.

Emily chuckled and kissed her again. "I love you."

"Love you," Paige said, her eyes already closing.

* * *

The hardest part of senior year was knowing that they would never be as close - physically or relationally - to their best friends again. Of course, they would still keep in touch, but it wouldn't be the same. Emily didn't have to look any further than her closest friends from high school for proof. They all still kept in touch; yet, Hanna and Emily's relationship was stronger than her relationships with Aria and Spencer, since she and Hanna had been together as roommates throughout college. She still saw Aria and Spencer, but it wasn't the same. And that would be the case with Hanna and Pru after graduation. Hanna was headed for New York, Pru was headed for Pittsburgh, where most of her family lived, and Paige and Emily were staying in the Philadelphia area, close to Emily's family. Pretty soon, marriage and children would take up more and more of their friends' lives. Those were good things, of course, but things that would make it even harder to stay close while they were physically apart.

They would still maintain those friendships, of course, and Paige and Emily would develop other good, enduring relationships with the people around them wherever they ended up working. None of it was bad. Like everything else about senior year, it was bittersweet.

"Isn't there a fashion scene in Philly?"

"Yeah, of course there is!" Hanna stepped back from the hug, her hand still resting on Emily's shoulder. "And I want to end up there, someday. But I have to get established before I can strike out on my own, and the best place to do that..."

"I know," Emily said sadly, stretching out the word. "It's just going to be hard, after spending the first 22 years of my life with you always right there..."

"I know, Em," Hanna said empathetically. "But I'm only a train ride away! You guys always have a place to stay in Manhattan!"

"What about you?" Paige asked, turning to Caleb for a hug.

"Oh, you know," he said softly. "It doesn't matter where we live. Anywhere I've got WiFi is my office."

With some final hugs and a few tears, they settled into the car and off to where life was taking them.

* * *

**Epilogue**

Paige slid her thumb and her forefinger through her hair, her other hand firmly gripping the wheel. She and Emily weren't really talking, but they were enjoying being together. Paige wasn't even aware of the faint smile that was on her face as she drove.

She had been thinking about all of the time she and Emily had spent on the road over years. So much of their relationship, it seemed, had been forged in cars.

The first trip was to Rosewood for Thanksgiving , when Emily couldn't stop apologizing for missing that turn and getting lost. Paige, remembering, looked over at Emily, who looked back with a smile. Things were so much different then. Even though they were best friends, they were both so unsure and tentative around each other.

In their later trips, they really got to know each other, from their taste in music to their relationships with their families and friends, to all of the little things that made them who they were.

Paige used to dread long trips in the car, but that changed once she started traveling with Emily.

Emily could tell that there was something on Paige's mind, but Paige wasn't saying anything, and that was okay. Emily just returned the smile that Paige shot her way. Driving with Paige always made her smile. Paige seemed to get such a kick out of being behind the wheel - like a kid fooling around in her mom's car. It was one of the many endearing things about Paige that Emily had collected in her memory over their years together.

Emily put her hand on Paige's thigh and rubbed it gently. Paige, now smiling full-on, looked over at Emily, enjoying the attention but wondering what had brought it on. She had no idea the effect she had on Emily sometimes - nor did Emily, for that matter, have any idea of her effect on Paige.

Paige hummed at the feeling of Emily's soft hand against her skin. Everything was serene and perfect. It was hard to believe that life could be so good.

The peaceful scene was abruptly interrupted by booming din of a tractor-trailer's air horn and the screech and smell of burning brakes. The last words Paige heard were Emily's desperate cry of, "Paige! Look out!"

* * *

Paige sprang up into a sitting position on the bed, breathing heavily and clutching at her heart. She looked over to where Emily was curled up, facing away from her, sleeping peacefully. Paige reached her free hand onto Emily's back just to ground herself. Her touch was feather-light; she didn't want to wake her.

But Emily stirred, scowling as she reached for her phone to see what time it was. Her scowl dissolved into a look of worry and concern when she turned over and saw Paige, eyes wide open, still clutching her heart, her chest heaving up and down in forced, rapid breaths.

Emily reached her hand up to stroke Paige's cheek "Did you have a bad dream?" Paige nodded, not yet able to speak. "Oh, my poor baby." Emily eased Paige down onto the bed and held her close. Usually, Paige was the big spoon when they slept, but, this time, it was Emily clutching her protectively.

Paige's heartbeat began to slow to its regular pace in Emily's soothing embrace, their hands clasped against Paige's belly; Emily's body pressed tight against Paige's back. But Paige was not calming down; rather, she was becoming defiant. She knew why she had had that dream. It was her fear of happiness; or, more accurately, her fear that she wasn't allowed to be happy - the fear that, if things were going right for her, it just meant that she was being set up for a fall.

She had had the dream before, or others like it. The dreams were different to match the circumstances. When she was named the first sophomore in the history of her high school to anchor the varsity relay team, the dream was of her, training solo, hitting her head during one of her turns and going under, as blood filled the pool. When Drexel offered her a full scholarship, the dream had her being publicly exposed as a plagiarist and a fraud, her name in all the local papers as she was expelled from school.

And, now, when she was at what should've been the happiest point of her life, the dream returned, to try to take that away from her: Sharing love with Emily; then, both of them wiped out in a moment. She squeezed Emily's hand tight. She was not going to let fear win.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked softly. Paige could feel Emily's lips against her shoulder, and they felt warm and sincere.

She turned over in the bed and faced Emily. "Everything's great," she said, with a genuine smile and a hard kiss. "I love you so much," she whispered.

"I love you, too," Emily replied, smiling cautiously at this revitalized Paige. She smoothed her fingers through Paige's hair. Looking intently into her eyes, she asked, "Do you want to talk about the dream?"

"Nope!" Paige was still smiling like a kid in a commercial as she kissed Emily again. "Later, maybe. Right now, I just want to enjoy you - _us_ \- and our incredible life."

Paige's eyes were sparkling in the semi-darkness. Emily recognized the look.

"Ooh, _enjoy_ me? You want to _enjoy_ me?" she teased, their kisses becoming deeper.

"Yes, I do," Paige asserted. "I want to devour you!"

Emily shrieked at the challenge and tossed the blanket aside as Paige slid on top of her, her hands seemingly everywhere.

Their solitude was interrupted by a creak of light as their bedroom door pushed open and tiny, running feet padded inside. Paige rolled off of Emily and chuckled to herself at the thought that he fates really didn't want her to be happy. Not that night, at least. She looked up to the ceiling, shaking her head, conceding that the fates had won that round.

Emily shot her a sad smile before turning her attention to the tiny intruder. "Hey, Little Man," she said softly. Emily leaned up on one elbow so that she could see over Paige, who had ended up stretched out on her back. "You couldn't sleep?"

Evan extended his arms, holding up a teddy bear with its arms spread out wide, like a gymnast on the rings. "Teddy," he mumbled.

"Teddy couldn't sleep?" Evan nodded. Emily gave Paige a slight pout and mouthed the word, "Sorry."

Paige winked at her before turning to their son. "Well, he'd better come up here with us," she said, reaching down to pull the pair of them up into the bed. Evan lay between them, facing Paige as he clutched Teddy tight against his chest. Paige and Emily lay facing each other, two pieces of warm toast sandwiched around the future that they were building together.

Evan and Emily were asleep in no time, but Paige lingered awake, watching them. She smiled as she placed a kiss on her wife's forehead. This was it, she realized. This was her "happily ever after." Whatever happened, whatever life threw at them, nothing would ever take that away from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I know that it was a very personal version of Paige, quite different from the Paige we know and love. Thanks so much for indulging me. I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug. I honestly love you all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for giving this story a chance.
> 
> The working title was, "The Story of my Life." I tend to put anecdotes from my life into all of my stories, but this one, more than any of the others, is pretty much a synopsis of the many miscues and follies of my younger days. If there's any moral to the story, it's what people always used to tell me (but I was too clueless and scared to believe): Take a chance! She likes you! Be brave!
> 
> So, when you read something and think, "No way, no one could ever be that clueless!" just remember that these experiences are based on true stories.
> 
> And I apologize to the many of you out there who hate it when I write a non-badass Paige... This probably isn't the story for you - at least not in the early chapters. :(
> 
> Thanks again! :) Much love!


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